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  • What a schedule...unbelievable

    We have 2 children-- 8 yearold son and 4 yearold daughter.

    Ex just informed me that she is going back to rotating shifts.

    Our kids sleep schedules are so erratic, unacceptable for their age already with ex working 6:30am-3:00pm currently.
    (She refuses to let me have them for the summer...based on my work schedule and my gf's work schedule, we wouldn't need child care for them...I'd be with them all day/gf would be with them all afternoon)

    Now ex just informs me that she is going back on rotating shifts.
    2 weeks she will be working 6:30am-3:00pm
    Where she will be waking the kids up at 5:30am...take them to the sitters, the sitter then takes them to school for 9am, daughter still only goes half day to school...so babysitter goes and picks daughter up in the afternoon/has her the rest of the day. Ex picks son up from school and then daughter from babysitter's.

    The next 2 weeks, she will be working 3pm-11pm
    which means she'll take the kids to school in the morning, babysitter will pick them up after school....and then ex will pick them up from babysitter at 11:30pm

    11:30pm for an 8 year old and 4 year old? Ridiculous!

    She refuses to find other child care options(such as having someone go to her house) or allow my Gf and I to help out to care for them, so they would have proper sleep and not need to be woken up to go to and from the babysitters at such times.

  • #2
    I always hate it, when one parent insists on a child going to a babysitter, when the other parent is available to watch them instead. If there aren't other issues that would make that a bad situation, then how is it better for a child, to be shipped to babysitter, instead of spending time with their own parent/family?

    I had to put up with that for a brief period of time, when my daughter was young. Mom refused to let me have her, as then I would have my daughter "too much time".

    Not knowing your details...
    If you think you can provide a more reasonable childcare regime, and more structure, yourself, if I were in your shoes, I would pursue that.

    Comment


    • #3
      Lets just play devils advocate here.Mom is working hard to support herself and her kids ,doesn't have a whole lot of support but she is doing the best she can.Now we have her ex,he is offering to take the kids when she is at work .Mom may have legitimate concerns that ex is trying to take full custody of kids and make her work even harder to support her kids in child support.Why doesn't mom trust his motives?
      If this were a man working shift and trying to keep his head above water ,would he be portrayed as a bad parent?.Its not like she's unemployed sitting on her butt watching Oprah.Is her time with the kids not worth as much???Does dad have a history of offering but never following through?Is dad unreliable?Is dads girlfriend of good character,does she know how to care for the kids when dad isn't there to supervise?This isn't just about Dad minding kids ,this is about dads new girlfriend minding the kids.This isn't cut and dry by any means.Would Dad be happy if Moms new piece of a** was minding his kids?During his time with them?Really?

      Comment


      • #4
        I do not see your issue as this is a common situation for people working in hospital... not everybody enjoyed a regular mon-friday, 8-4.


        I have been there, children have no issue with this. When they are young they tend to be up early anyway. It is just a matter of putting them to bed early on everning.

        I also myself grew up where all children had to get up and work on the farm prior even going to school. I can certify that I did not suffer from it one bit.

        There are shool that also start early and kids are back home by 3PM.

        Instead of complaining, you should be thankfull and supporting. As long the children are well taking care of, are happy and healthy do not create an issue where there isn't any.

        Comment


        • #5
          Murphyslaw,

          you gave a perfect exemple of mom not doing things in kids interest but in ther own. You are basically saying that it is okay, for school aged kids, to have this kind of schedule because mom might get less money in child support or, god forbid, she might have to pay child support. Or because they might spend time with dad's new girlfriend instead of a babysitter. Really?

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by knackered View Post
            We have 2 children-- 8 yearold son and 4 yearold daughter.

            Ex just informed me that she is going back to rotating shifts.

            Our kids sleep schedules are so erratic, unacceptable for their age already with ex working 6:30am-3:00pm currently.
            (She refuses to let me have them for the summer...based on my work schedule and my gf's work schedule, we wouldn't need child care for them...I'd be with them all day/gf would be with them all afternoon)

            Now ex just informs me that she is going back on rotating shifts.
            2 weeks she will be working 6:30am-3:00pm
            Where she will be waking the kids up at 5:30am...take them to the sitters, the sitter then takes them to school for 9am, daughter still only goes half day to school...so babysitter goes and picks daughter up in the afternoon/has her the rest of the day. Ex picks son up from school and then daughter from babysitter's.

            The next 2 weeks, she will be working 3pm-11pm
            which means she'll take the kids to school in the morning, babysitter will pick them up after school....and then ex will pick them up from babysitter at 11:30pm

            11:30pm for an 8 year old and 4 year old? Ridiculous!

            She refuses to find other child care options(such as having someone go to her house) or allow my Gf and I to help out to care for them, so they would have proper sleep and not need to be woken up to go to and from the babysitters at such times.
            Interesting, and I'm sure you'll get lots of different answers. Another perspective to consider is what Mom might do if you weren't in the picture? Or if the shoe were on the other foot, YOU were working shifts and Mom was not in the picture?

            There are lots and lots of single parents out there - truly single and 'only' parents - who do this every day and aren't criticized for it, or considered a lesser parent. They're working and supporting their kids the best way they know how and we don't fault them. Why should we just because they are an ex?

            IMO, she should be allowed to make her own arrangements as she is comfortable with. I do think perhaps she could be a bit less stubborn and take advantage of your offer to watch the kids while she is working for less disruptions, but ultimately...it's her choice on how she wants to parent.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Toutou View Post
              Murphyslaw,

              you gave a perfect exemple of mom not doing things in kids interest but in ther own. You are basically saying that it is okay, for school aged kids, to have this kind of schedule because mom might get less money in child support or, god forbid, she might have to pay child support. Or because they might spend time with dad's new girlfriend instead of a babysitter. Really?
              So by your logic all those working single dads out there should get the kids taken off them if they have shift or have to work overtime?I think my friends would strongly disagree, but of course she did have the option of being supermom by staying on welfare for the rest of her life so her kids would suffer no inconvenience whatsoever ,and maybe she should have hit up the ex for major SS to make her lifestyle more comfortable?

              Comment


              • #8
                I had that type of schedule while I was married as we were both on rotation shifts. I can tell you this is certainly not easy on the Mom.

                While you can offer to help her, it is her decision to take your offer or not. Time with your children is important regardless of the schedule.

                You think it is a big deal but that because you are looking from your side only.

                The same as you could critic other single or even couple in the same situation, you would not even think about taking the kids away as you would not see an issue there.

                you happen to enjoy a better schedule, leave it at that and maybe if you were more understanding and not treat it as unaceptable, she may take your offer some day.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Moolight View Post
                  I do not see your issue as this is a common situation for people working in hospital... not everybody enjoyed a regular mon-friday, 8-4.


                  I have been there, children have no issue with this. When they are young they tend to be up early anyway. It is just a matter of putting them to bed early on everning.

                  I also myself grew up where all children had to get up and work on the farm prior even going to school. I can certify that I did not suffer from it one bit.

                  There are shool that also start early and kids are back home by 3PM.

                  Instead of complaining, you should be thankfull and supporting. As long the children are well taking care of, are happy and healthy do not create an issue where there isn't any.
                  and to murphyslaw's comments as well...

                  Really?? The mom is refusing to allow the dad to take care of the kids and instead opts for a sitter.

                  That is wrong on so many levels, and that is the point and the only point.

                  Its bad for the kids, its bad for the dad. To restrict access of the children to their father when she is not able to care for them is immoral.

                  The ONLY reason that would be valid is if there was court ordered limited access by the father. There is no other valid reason. The mother is self centered ex hater - she puts her hate toward her ex before her own children's best interests.

                  I am astounded that you have commented this is a reasonable action - it is disgusting.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Read the OP, he talk about his gf. Therefore not the father.

                    He does not talk about his access arrangemnt therefore there is not indication that she is limiting his access.

                    replacing the babysitter would mean, let the Mom pick up the child at same time she would from the babysitter, I do not get the impression that the father is open to that as he complain about the schedule.

                    So following his offer, he would be the one limiting the mother as if she pick the child at 11 pm that means she is there for the daytime.

                    Also, face it the father will have recourse to outside sitter when it does not fit their plan or will the Mom be stuck without sitter because she has no arrangement.

                    There is a lot more than just access. it is important for each parent to manage with the care while the child in under their responsability and it does not matter if she need external assistane. This is life, you can not be 24 hr with your child, but need to be able to make sure that this is covered.

                    Face it if they are in that situation, there is more to it.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      One fact is: the sitter is there, and available. That might not always be the case w/OP or especially OP's gf. Places to go, thngs to do. Calling it "immoral" and "disgusting" (billm) - is quite harsh. There might be a happy medium somewhere in the midst of this, but for reasons (which we don't know) Mom is more comfortable with having a sitter that she can rely on to accomodate her schedule.

                      What iS the current existing parenting/access arrangement?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by billm View Post
                        and to murphyslaw's comments as well...

                        Really?? The mom is refusing to allow the dad to take care of the kids and instead opts for a sitter.

                        That is wrong on so many levels, and that is the point and the only point.

                        Its bad for the kids, its bad for the dad. To restrict access of the children to their father when she is not able to care for them is immoral.

                        The ONLY reason that would be valid is if there was court ordered limited access by the father. There is no other valid reason. The mother is self centered ex hater - she puts her hate toward her ex before her own children's best interests.

                        I am astounded that you have commented this is a reasonable action - it is disgusting.

                        If you actually bothered to read the post in the first place..... the Dad is offering up his girlfriend as the sitter -not just himself.He wont be there all the time because he will be at work too.Disgusting?Really ?Thats pretty backward.Lets give a big ol call out to all the doctors nurses,firefighters,cops and paramedics both the male and female.Billm thinks you have no right to see your kids when you finish work because the other parent should have them.It dont matter that your job often dictates you work shift.Bill here says you don't deserve your kids at all because you work shift.Well Bill in the real world in this economy ,people take what work they can get ,and as long as the kids are being taken care of and nobody is hurt, there's no harm done.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by murphyslaw View Post
                          Lets just play devils advocate here.Mom is working hard to support herself and her kids ,doesn't have a whole lot of support but she is doing the best she can.Now we have her ex,he is offering to take the kids when she is at work .Mom may have legitimate concerns that ex is trying to take full custody of kids and make her work even harder to support her kids in child support.Why doesn't mom trust his motives?
                          If this were a man working shift and trying to keep his head above water ,would he be portrayed as a bad parent?.Its not like she's unemployed sitting on her butt watching Oprah.Is her time with the kids not worth as much???Does dad have a history of offering but never following through?Is dad unreliable?Is dads girlfriend of good character,does she know how to care for the kids when dad isn't there to supervise?This isn't just about Dad minding kids ,this is about dads new girlfriend minding the kids.This isn't cut and dry by any means.Would Dad be happy if Moms new piece of a** was minding his kids?During his time with them?Really?

                          To answer all the these:
                          The Mom has a lot of support--physical support from people (her family--they are way too involved--her father/kids grandfather denied me my Christmas time with them last year) She also has physical support from me(Just won't accept it/follow ROFR) and she gets almost $1000 a month child support from me...while making $60,000 a year herself....she is not struggling at all in any way.
                          During her weekends when she is supposed to have the kids, she actually doesn't have them...she gives them to other family members/the kids have sleep overs there (I find this out on my weekend from the kids...I ask "how was your weekend with mom" the kids response "Oh we had a sleepover with Nana, we weren't with mom".....I am never notified/offered ROFR)

                          Ex has been working days all summer....
                          I work afternoon shift, so I ask "Why can't I pick the kids up every day before you leave for work...they will have the whole day with me while you're working. (There is only a 40 min time frame in there where I or ex wouldn't be available) So why can't my Gf...whose been in the kids life for 2 years now help us out and watch them until ex would be able to pick them up when she's done work.
                          Rather then put them in babysitting for 9 hours every day!!!
                          Ex won't agree...she actually wrote me an e-mail leading up to the summer, stating "As far as the summer goes, you only get them for your two weeks holidays and weekends, you will pay your share of the babysitting!" (Clearly she just likes racking up expenses to spite me....and her babysitting arrangement is very shady! I have tonnes of posts on that sh!t going on)

                          In all of it, I'm more concerned about the kids sleep schedules....My son is not going to bed until after midnight...sometimes as late as 4am!!! This is not acceptable for an 8 yearold. (Their schedules are just so messed up because of what she's putting them through) ----Which is why I suggest at the least for her to get a sitter to go to her house. Why wake them up at 5:30am every morning? (ex told me last summer my son was sleeping until the afternoon at the sitters) So I know it's still going on with the bed time issues I am having here with them. (Ex also told me she just goes to sleep...while the kids are still awake...so she has no clue what time they are going to bed at!)

                          And yes I would love to get custody of my children because I don't think that above schedule is acceptable....but I know it's near impossible I'd ever get, simply because she has the status quo.

                          Oh and there is no history of me ever offering to care for them and not following through. I have never once missed a visit with my children. When she filed a false police report to have me removed from the house....and I was living in my car, I still got my kids...I told her I had no place to stay....her response was "That's your problem, it's your weekend with them and you have to get them" I maxed my credit cards out staying in hotels with the kids on those weekends.

                          There is no new piece of a$$ on my end/as stated above, my Gf has been in the kids life for 2 years. That all happens on her end....that's why we aren't together.
                          In 2010 ex actually specifically asked GF to watch the kids for a week so ex could go to mexico with her boyfriend during march break. (What kind of mother takes a vacation during march break on her own without her kids?) I always thought March Break was for family vacations!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by murphyslaw View Post
                            ...and as long as the kids are being taken care of and nobody is hurt, there's no harm done.
                            I couldn't disagree more.

                            Children and parents deserve to see each other as much as possible, and when the other parent dictates that a sitter or grand parent gets access instead, harm is done.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              A girlfriend is just a girlfriend.She is not family or blood to that child.

                              Comment

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