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Accused of parental alienation

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  • #31
    We worked out an offer to settle re: joint custody but it was declined. Gonna work on a formal offer very shortly.

    Any suggestions?

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    • #32
      What access did you ask for in your application.

      His reaction may very well be a direct result of your request.

      There was a ton of conflict in my court process because she was trying to take away my kids from me.

      I was asking for 50/50 and she wanted the EOW screw job all because she saw dollar signs in SS and CS.

      In the end we agreed on 50/50 access and set-off support.

      It's in the best interest of the kids and it's also in the best interest financially for the parents. This is my opinion only and many others views differ.

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      • #33
        FB, did you have to dispute OCL report in your case if you don't mind to share this? thanks.

        Sent from my SGH-I717D using Tapatalk

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        • #34
          I have provided liberal access. Definately more than the standard EOW. Also willing to increase it any time.

          He wants sole. Some history here. He has been MIA as a parent. We argued the day I went into the hospital to deliver our second child. He chose to be angry that day and not show up. He has never changed a single diaper, fix a meal, help with a homework assignment, attend a single school concert/ event, parent teacher interview, doctor's apt, dentist apt, or any outing for that matter. Was a no show on Christmas day.

          Always had an excuse

          Now the audacity to accuse me of parental allienation and denying access. Legal correspondence and access ctr case notes tell the truth.

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          • #35
            CS and SS are not an issue for me. After equalization I will have alot to work with. We built up alot together and invested well.

            Its a real shame our hard earned wealth is being used to fight a pointless war. We could have paid for two undergrad degrees for both our sons so far.

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            • #36
              Originally posted by drainedbysystem View Post
              CS and SS are not an issue for me. After equalization I will have alot to work with. We built up alot together and invested well.

              Its a real shame our hard earned wealth is being used to fight a pointless war. We could have paid for two undergrad degrees for both our sons so far.
              You're right. The hard earned money is being wasted. If ongoing SS/CS isn't an issue for you, then make an offer to settle that he'd be a fool not to take.

              Set arrears at 0, offer him 50/50, with offset support and equal on expenses. If what you say about involvement with the children is true, he wouldn't get any better a result in trial and he'll fall flat on his face with his access/custodial obligations. With such a reasonable offer to settle, you'll get costs.

              That is, if you truly can afford it. This is, of course, my humble advice based on dealing with an absent parent, I have no legal background beyond my own experience. I do know that there's a lot more to it all, but for some people, they need to learn the lessons themselves.

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              • #37
                We offered 50/50, joint custody, and no CS. Half section 7. Offer rejected.

                He wants sole, CS from me, and half of secton 7.

                I'm a stay at home mom with a home based business and part time student. I've always been the ONLY caregiver to our kids. He wont get very far with his custody game plan. Too much paper/evidence to support the real truth here.

                He is however enjoying the process of legally bullying me. Watching me burn through everything I worked so hard for. Depleting all my net worth to pay for legal fees. He brags about it to mutual friends. He says he wants to make me a welfare mom.

                Finger's crossed I'll make it to trial and wont be broke. Costs? again wishful thinking. No court can pay you for the emotional stress. Its a nightmare!

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by drainedbysystem View Post
                  We offered 50/50, joint custody, and no CS. Half section 7. Offer rejected.

                  He wants sole, CS from me, and half of secton 7.

                  I'm a stay at home mom with a home based business and part time student. I've always been the ONLY caregiver to our kids. He wont get very far with his custody game plan. Too much paper/evidence to support the real truth here.

                  He is however enjoying the process of legally bullying me. Watching me burn through everything I worked so hard for. Depleting all my net worth to pay for legal fees. He brags about it to mutual friends. He says he wants to make me a welfare mom.

                  Finger's crossed I'll make it to trial and wont be broke. Costs? again wishful thinking. No court can pay you for the emotional stress. Its a nightmare!
                  Honestly, from what you've stated, he doesn't stand much chance of obtaining sole custody.

                  I know what you mean about the emotional costs, I truly do. But, from the outside looking in, I think he's going to blow his own case with his behavior, and there may be a huge emotional pay-off for you watching him lose. But, again, that's just opinion.

                  What I've suggested to you is exactly what I gave my ex in our former agreement - access, 50/50 offset support. It took him a matter of weeks to blow it. Now, it took a huge financial toll on me, and emotional one, but there finally lessons being learned on the other side. Again, based on what you've stated I can see the whole bravado fight blowing up in his face as it has done in my ex's face.

                  If giving him a clean financial start, the least amount of child support, no spousal support and 50/50 access to the children - there's very little left for him to get.

                  I'm sure there's a few on this forum that spent thousands in legal fees to just get what you're offering up and if he wants to continue to pay a lawyer to get more, he's putting his ego before the kids and the finances. Again, humble opinion.

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                  • #39
                    If the financial toll is getting to you, is it possible for you to use less of your lawyer's time? It sounds a bit like you are using her as a therapist, and also like you are spending too much time and money responding to nonsense. From what you say, you have put a very reasonable offer on the table, which is most likely the best deal he could possibly get if this thing went before a judge. Do you really need (or does your lawyer really need) to respond to all of his posturing. You've given him an excellent offer, you can either wait until he sees the light and accepts it, or wait until it goes to court and you end up with exactly what you offered.

                    One of the most difficult things to do when you're divorcing someone who is both full of rage and enmeshed is to detach from their drama, because you're used to having to deal with it. Ask yourself "Do I [or my lawyer] really need to respond to whatever the latest provocation is, or can this be ignored?". Most of the time, the real answer will be the latter. Much cheaper that way.

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                    • #40
                      Thank goodness I have a lawyer who is ethical. Luckely she forwards me any corresspondence from opposing counsel first. Gets direction from me and usually we dont reply as we have been forthcoming with any pertinent disclosure.

                      The bulk of the costs have been incurred chasing him around for financial disclosure. His repeated violations of any court orders handed down. He keeps re scheduling conference dates. His repeated motions for increased access, ocl involvement, and unecessary banking disclosure from me. The banking info I handed over voluntarily as I have nothing to hide so I avoided court costs there. Increased access on consent as well. The judge didn't order the ocl for him and I was awarded costs there. Anyway just to name a few delaying tactics on his part.

                      Fingers crossed now we will have to wait and see what the judge recommends at sc. Thanks for pointing out a key important point here. I was so lost in my own fears and anxiety that I've realized that he is just delaying the inevitable.

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                      • #41
                        It is a common legal tactic, especially in family law it seems, to push go on the offensive and push hard for unrealistic goals to throw the other side off balance emotionally. This would seems to be what he is doing to you. He doesn't necessarily want sole custody, he wants to throw a curve at you, get you emotionally engaged, make you cringe.

                        As difficult as it is (and I've been there), don't let him get away with it. Personally I wouldn't offer to eliminate CS altogether, that is the right of the child, and an important principle - what if you lose your job or become unable to work? CS is the right of the child.

                        Instead I would propose that you look at the offset child support you would get if it was 50/50. That makes you look reasonable and your ex look demanding when you present the fact you made a reasonable offer to settle and it was rejecetd.

                        Forgiving arrears (especially if you think it will be very difficult to collect them) is another carrot you can dangle. Again, if you make this part of a formal offer that he rejects, it makes him look like the inflexible one.

                        And of course I agree with the other posters, he doesn't stand a chance of sole custody unless he can prove you are an incompetent mother. He may try to prove alienation, but if you can prove you provide all the access he asks for, that won't stand up.

                        Take a deep breath. It will be ok.

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                        • #42
                          Thanks for the advice and listening to my rants....

                          One the eve of filing a motion for financial disclosure ....we finally settled. Bittersweet victory.

                          I have full custody of our boys. 0 arrears and no CS. I keep the house which is mortgage free.

                          He's moving to australia with his new family. Happy for him but sad for our boys.

                          All that stressing for nothing....we didn't even make it to settlement conf. So happy there will be no trial! Yippee....hello freedom!!!

                          So glad its over

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                          • #43
                            If you are pleased with the outcome then you have reason to celebrate.

                            hope you plan for a rainy day and immediately obtain comprehensive disability insurance for yourself. One never knows what the future may bring.

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                            • #44
                              Like you said...bittersweet victory...pretty bad for your kiddos.

                              Sent from my SGH-I717D using Tapatalk

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