Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Asking for 50/50

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    Originally posted by arabian View Post
    Problem with many of these custody disputes is when one or both parents decide to relocate. 50-50 may be fine and well if you live in close proximity to each other but I do not agree that children should be made to travel ridiculously long distances.

    If 50-50 was default then what restrictions, if any, should be set for commuting distances?
    50-50 as long as both parents reside in the same school district. If you want equal access, you should make the kids your first priority and live near their school. Distance would depend on the size of the school's catchment area.

    If you want 50-50 to be sustainable after the kids are teenagers and prefer to be near to friends instead of parents, you'd better make sure the two homes are a bikeable or walkable distance apart too so that both are near the friends.

    As long as we're dreaming of setting up an ideal system!

    Comment


    • #17
      We're in "Political Issues", so we can dream as much as we want, dammit!

      My ex once moved from being across the street from the kid's school, to 25 km away. She was shocked, SHOCKED, I tell you, when she discovered that I wasn't amenable to changing the kid's school to accommodate her adventure in the country. After driving the kids to school two weeks out of every month, and living with the realities of being so far from the house, she cut short the grand experiment after 6 months, and returned to town. She now lives 5 minutes away, and the kids benefit all the more for it.

      Comment


      • #18
        Political issues? I thought for sure I had started this thread in "General Chat". If I did I post it in Political Issues inadvertently, mods please move it to wherever you think it's appropriate.

        If mods have moved it from general chat to political issues because they thought it belonged there more, thanks!!

        Comment


        • #19
          In a perfect world ex spouses would be able to agree on visitation and custody but we all know the world isnt perfect. Its sad that one has to actually battle to spend time with their own children. And that theres actually emergency motions to do something as exciting as take your kids to disney. If people werent such idiots it would be ok but for some reason divorce = how to get away with being a jerk.

          Comment


          • #20
            My kids are 13 and 16 now. I had about 80% in the beginning (they were 6 and 9) until I wanted it in writing upon which I received an email telling me I would no longer have them as much because of the financial implications to her. I responded with: If this was her version of a negotiation, I would not accept anything less than 50% and if she wanted to reduce my time to EOW she would have to take me to court to get it. She tried but after a few large bills from her lawyer she felt she had no choice but to give into me even though she lived and breathed for our kids. So after I had a good laugh in private because she had only been caring for them 20% of the time, we signed our custody agreement of 50/50 2 years later. We live within a 10-15 minute walk of each other with their high school in the middle. We do not co-parent, instead, we parallel parent and it is much more peaceful. I make the major decisions regarding education and health because she is disinterested in both. We exchange any and all info related to our kids but we do not discuss. We use the pro-rated set-off formula to calculate cs, no ss. 7 plus years later she is still bitter and angry but I don't care because she has failed in her attempts thus far to paint me as the bad guy in the eyes of our kids.

            Comment


            • #21
              Good post firstimer. What did you do to thwart your ex's attempts to "paint me as the bad guy in the eyes of our kids"? Sounds as though you have worked things out with your ex and I'm sure there are many on here who would benefit from your advice/tips.

              Comment


              • #22
                "Good post firstimer. What did you do to thwart your ex's attempts to "paint me as the bad guy in the eyes of our kids"? Sounds as though you have worked things out with your ex and I'm sure there are many on here who would benefit from your advice/tips."

                I don't mimic her behavior. I ignore everything she says and/or does that is not about our kids. I don't bite on her passive aggressiveness towards me. In the end her actions and words speak louder to our kids than anything I could ever do or say and my relationship with them stays intact.

                I was advised a long time ago that our kids will form their own opinions of each of us just by watching and listening to how we treat each other and them; they don't need any help seeing or hearing what is right in front of them.

                I focus entirely on my time with our kids, on what is going in my home and in my kids' lives when they are with me. The week I have off I focus on my life with my wife.

                I recently heard this and it hit home: "How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours."
                Last edited by first timer; 11-28-2014, 07:17 PM.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by Rioe View Post
                  50-50 as long as both parents reside in the same school district. If you want equal access, you should make the kids your first priority and live near their school. Distance would depend on the size of the school's catchment area.

                  If you want 50-50 to be sustainable after the kids are teenagers and prefer to be near to friends instead of parents, you'd better make sure the two homes are a bikeable or walkable distance apart too so that both are near the friends.

                  As long as we're dreaming of setting up an ideal system!
                  I agree with much of this - parents make sacrifices for their children, and sometimes those sacrifices mean staying within the same district to parent, attending the s7 tournaments, practices, etc. (notwithstanding they might happen not on your scheduled time, or are inconvenient for you), biting your tongue when it appears the ex is determined to cause conflict and simply putting the best interests of your kidlet ahead of your own. It is tough being a parent.

                  And on a note to the teenager reference above - as a parent (and in the BOTC), it should also behoove you to continue to push both parenting roles, when your kidlet understandably starts to wander off with their friends and spend more time away. Both my ex and I lost time when ours determined she was ready for some of her own time, had to work a weekend job, etc., but one parent can't be excluded and time has to be equalized as best it can, so schedules will have to change and you'll have to make compromises.
                  Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    50-50 and teenagers? and being in their school catchment area.

                    I remember a 100 years ago what I thought was a good thing for my kids, which was buying a house 2 blocks from there "schools" (1 catholic one public teenagers switch schools a lot) and 2 blocks from the EX.

                    2 parents excellent incomes....joint custody....reason for move....teenagers to busy difficult gathering them up for time. this parent wanted as much time as he could buy with kid without structure.

                    Teens (4 of them) very excited as I.

                    EX wasn't and after 10 years of peace.....EX went bonkers....kids not allowed to walk there school route past my house....I was only allowed to stand on sidewalk in front of EX's when walking over to get whatever teens were around.

                    EX banned the younger teens from going to "my side of the block for Halloween...LOL.....she drove them across town. 18 year old came over of course had fun giving out candy.

                    Anyways a letter arrived by a lawyer EX had retained.....basically wanting a formalized joint schedule.....obviously what had worked 10 yeas prior wasn't good enough.

                    I retained a lawyer...the first question ....what's the problem

                    I said I moved 2 blocks from the EX.

                    The lawyer.....are you nuts no wonder her back is up.

                    my answer....but I did it to spend more time with kids, they were getting old wanted more time with them.

                    SO when I read the above post

                    biting your tongue when it appears the ex is determined to cause conflict and simply putting the best interests of your kidlet ahead of your own. It is tough being a parent

                    it brings back such fond memories

                    I think I learned a unexpected valuable lesson, for any parent with teenagers thinking of moving into a "catchment" area where another parent is established.

                    There was another important item.... I told the youngest teen I'd be at her first day of grade 8....trival...until EX found out....called me and said I wasn't welcomed and stay away.

                    Not being use to this, was never a problem before...I called the police......asked them ..can I go to my daughters first day of school.

                    THE cop said "we get this call from dads all the time at the start of the school year"...do you have a restraining order...no.....peace bond...no......then go...lmao

                    CRAZIER is over a call 5 years after....where EX is saying what a great idea it was moving closer to kids...LMAO

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by MrToronto View Post
                      50-50 and teenagers? and being in their school catchment area.

                      I remember a 100 years ago what I thought was a good thing for my kids, which was buying a house 2 blocks from there "schools" (1 catholic one public teenagers switch schools a lot) and 2 blocks from the EX.

                      2 parents excellent incomes....joint custody....reason for move....teenagers to busy difficult gathering them up for time. this parent wanted as much time as he could buy with kid without structure.

                      Teens (4 of them) very excited as I.

                      EX wasn't and after 10 years of peace.....EX went bonkers....kids not allowed to walk there school route past my house....I was only allowed to stand on sidewalk in front of EX's when walking over to get whatever teens were around.

                      EX banned the younger teens from going to "my side of the block for Halloween...LOL.....she drove them across town. 18 year old came over of course had fun giving out candy.

                      Anyways a letter arrived by a lawyer EX had retained.....basically wanting a formalized joint schedule.....obviously what had worked 10 yeas prior wasn't good enough.

                      I retained a lawyer...the first question ....what's the problem

                      I said I moved 2 blocks from the EX.

                      The lawyer.....are you nuts no wonder her back is up.

                      my answer....but I did it to spend more time with kids, they were getting old wanted more time with them.

                      SO when I read the above post

                      biting your tongue when it appears the ex is determined to cause conflict and simply putting the best interests of your kidlet ahead of your own. It is tough being a parent

                      it brings back such fond memories

                      I think I learned a unexpected valuable lesson, for any parent with teenagers thinking of moving into a "catchment" area where another parent is established.

                      There was another important item.... I told the youngest teen I'd be at her first day of grade 8....trival...until EX found out....called me and said I wasn't welcomed and stay away.

                      Not being use to this, was never a problem before...I called the police......asked them ..can I go to my daughters first day of school.

                      THE cop said "we get this call from dads all the time at the start of the school year"...do you have a restraining order...no.....peace bond...no......then go...lmao

                      CRAZIER is over a call 5 years after....where EX is saying what a great idea it was moving closer to kids...LMAO
                      Very close to.peeing myself laughing. Excellent post. More personal experiences should surface on these forums.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        What? You tried to buy a kid without structure?.. you moved when your teens were in school to your ex' area, or she moved to yours, to attempt a custody change? ..you moved back into area because your kids were growing older? Were you not in the area when they were younger? and police were called?

                        I don't understand much of what you've posted. Can you please make an effort to compose a complete sentence? I'm going to take a guess at what you are trying to articulate, and respond with:

                        Our teenager didn't switch schools a lot... actually, kidlet never switched secondary schools. No switches in primary either - parents never moved; we made a choice a long time ago to stay within the same catchment area. Of course, when you plan your parenting that way, and remain focused on the kidlet(s) from the get-go, I think the kidlets tend to stick around with both households.

                        And now, in university, as a young adult, kidlet with driver licence, honda accord and winter tires, continues to feel comfortable moving between both households freely. Over there the last 2 nights, I think here tomorrow night. If not, kidlet will check in for Sunday dinner.

                        eta - by the way,MR. T -- if you were the one to move closer to your kidlets when they were in their teens, kudo's to you. There is no doubt in my mind, whatsoever, that all of us here are loving parents, trying to do the best for our kids. As I said, parenting is tough.
                        Last edited by mcdreamy; 11-29-2014, 01:06 AM. Reason: eta : -- Mr. T-
                        Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Looks like McDreamy's up trying to belittle people again.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                            Looks like McDreamy's up trying to belittle people again.
                            I know. It's really got to bite for an argument, when the ex and I can get along, have a bivo on the back deck, I don't accept table cs nor s7, and we parent the kid well together, doesn't it.
                            Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Our teenager didn't switch schools a lot... actually, kidlet never switched secondary schools.

                              LMAO...which is it

                              I don't care about your parenting plan with 1 kid McDreamy it's irrelevant, but it's good to know where you "experience lies".

                              There's a reason why .....kids at 13 can state...determine who they want to see or live with.

                              I'm a firm believer in this

                              Lots of misguided helicopter parents think it's all about them not the child and of course micro manage.

                              Both my ex and I lost time when ours determined she was ready for some of her own time, had to work a weekend job, etc.,

                              It's agreed young adults should work, builds character, and should never be a issue between parents.

                              The point to 50 50 access with kids...be it teens or children isn't a game... if your interested in there general well being moving forward into adult hood

                              Originally Posted by LovingFather32
                              Looks like McDreamy's up trying to belittle people again.
                              I know. It's really got to bite for an argument, when the ex and I can get along, have a bivo on the back deck, I don't accept table cs nor s7, and we parent the kid well together, doesn't it


                              I don't see WHY McDreamy added/inserted the above useless bit, it's personal against LF32 meant to hurt him
                              Last edited by MrToronto; 11-29-2014, 02:03 AM.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by mcdreamy View Post
                                I know. It's really got to bite for an argument, when the ex and I can get along, have a bivo on the back deck, I don't accept table cs nor s7, and we parent the kid well together, doesn't it.
                                How are you able to quote a post that no one else can see?

                                Comment

                                Our Divorce Forums
                                Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                                Working...
                                X