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  • transfer day/time for Week on/Week off?

    We are 8 months into separation with an equal week on - week off access plan with a Friday 5pm transfer. I have been trying to get our weekends switched since week #3 to align with 2 of my best friend's custody schedules. Note - we do not have a parenting plan or separation agreement signed yet.Kids are 10 and 11.

    I have proposed extending her custody through a weekend (e.g. Fri 5pm - following Mon 5pm) to allow for this switch - which would require that we have a Mon 5pm transfer day/time going forwards. My lawyer says both days and times are common.

    Problem is my ex is focussed on transferring Fridays (for no apparent reason) and won't budge or offer up other ways to accomplish the weekend switch.

    I cannot figure out how to accomplish this...help!

  • #2
    Then switch the whole week? Offering her that she gets the double-week in the transition.

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    • #3
      I agree with ^^ if it is that important to you to make the change then lose the one week and gain the schedule you want. You can't force mom to make the change, and I doubt a court will feel that your desire to have same schedule as friend will be enough reason to make the switch. However if mom has no real reason for wanting it to stay she may be willing with the extra time offered.

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      • #4
        You don't have a signed agreement and you're ready to rock the boat with your ex to accommodate your personal play-dates? What's the problem? Afraid to spend time alone with your kids or what? [said with humour]
        Last edited by arabian; 02-20-2015, 06:37 PM. Reason: thought I'd better tone-down my comment so as to not offend

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        • #5
          And if your ex has similar reasons as you ( reasonable, no?), then you are screwed.

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          • #6
            A "no" is not the end. It is the beginning of the negotiation.

            You can't realistically expect that your ex is going to change anything just so make your life easier. Nope. But be nice, offer something for her and ask. Even sending your ex two tickets to a theater play might work. Or giving her that week as somebody suggested already?

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            • #7
              give her money

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              • #8
                I appreciate the helpful comments and suggestions. I am not willing to give up a whole week to get this done. I have offered to extend her week, switch weekends back on my daughter's bday weekend and one other she noted she had made plans on. She has not reason to not switch other than...being difficult.

                I'm not sure what prompted your response Arabian? My 2 best friends also have child custody arrangements and we all have kids that are similar in age and they have all grown up together over the years and are good friends. This current schedule doesn't allow me and my friends to get together without one of us having their kids but it also doesn't allow our kids to ever all get together on a weekend - which the kids have complained about since last summer. I would think a happier dad would be better for the kids to be around as well.

                FWIW - my ex has had her mother come and stay with her pretty much every week she has the kids since separation. I think your "humourous" comment fits her to a T.

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                • #9
                  I agree, if the only way she will switch is to get a double week then do it. Short term loss for long term gain. I suppose it depends how bad you really want this,but seeing as you are the one who wants to make the change, you need to be the one to give something up. Your ex is under no obligation to switch so you must make it appealing to her.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by whyme? View Post
                    She has not reason to not switch other than...being difficult.
                    Is it not possible that SHE has friends with EOW kids that she wants to spend time with on her weekends?

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                    • #11
                      whyme? - do you and your ex live a large distance from one another and this is why the children cannot easily get together with their friends?

                      Life changes after one has children and then goes through separation/divorce. With that said, perhaps you have to consider a babysitter for boyz nite out?

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                      • #12
                        No - that isn't the case. (in response to Dinkyface)
                        Last edited by whyme?; 02-23-2015, 01:02 PM. Reason: clarity

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                        • #13
                          we are currently living 3 houses apart on the same street until matrimonial home is sold. The kids get together with their neighbourhood and school friends as they always have, regardless of which parent they are with. It is with my friends' kids that the weekend get-togethers of the kids can't happen. This is primarily my biggest issue - us three guys can get together on the odd weeknight but getting the kids together on weekends is impossible.

                          I just am struggling with why she is being so difficult here. I noted the issue 3 weeks into our separation and have asked regularly and never got more than a "No - I don't think that's what I want to do...maybe in the future". It is in the kids best interest and, admittedly, mine. I can tell you I am not the one whose actions precipitated this separation...

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                          • #14
                            This is exactly what you previously stated:

                            "...I'm not sure what prompted your response Arabian? My 2 best friends also have child custody arrangements and we all have kids that are similar in age and they have all grown up together over the years and are good friends. This current schedule doesn't allow me and my friends to get together without one of us having their kids but it also doesn't allow our kids to ever all get together on a weekend - which the kids have complained about since last summer. I would think a happier dad would be better for the kids to be around as well...."

                            Seems like you are trying to gloss the real reason (boyz nite out) with "best interests of the children." Or do you let your children dictate everything to you?

                            I guess I don't understand what the issue is. If you want to go out, get a babysitter. If your kids want to see friends on your time then take them or not. Don't kids usually have sleep-overs with their friends?

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by arabian View Post
                              This is exactly what you previously stated:

                              "...I'm not sure what prompted your response Arabian? My 2 best friends also have child custody arrangements and we all have kids that are similar in age and they have all grown up together over the years and are good friends. This current schedule doesn't allow me and my friends to get together without one of us having their kidsbut it also doesn't allow our kids to ever all get together on a weekend - which the kids have complained about since last summer. I would think a happier dad would be better for the kids to be around as well...."

                              Seems like you are trying to gloss the real reason (boyz nite out) with "best interests of the children." Or do you let your children dictate everything to you?

                              I guess I don't understand what the issue is. If you want to go out, get a babysitter. If your kids want to see friends on your time then take them or not. Don't kids usually have sleep-overs with their friends?
                              Arabian, perhaps you are bolding the wrong section. Allow me to help. Now it should be less confusing for you.
                              Last edited by Straittohell; 02-23-2015, 01:46 PM. Reason: fixed formatting

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