Has anyone ever found an answer on how to deal with this?
My new partner and I moved in together in 2007. My X lives 10 minutes away and we share custody of our daughter 50/50. His X moved to 1 KM away so their 2 children (then 9 and 11) would be close to both parents and better access to both. I was impressed with his X for making the move (as she said, for the good of their children).
However, withint he first year, his kids kept coming to us every single week with another thing that we did wrong (all lies). We stopped them from getting passports, going on a trip, said no to an activity etc. None of which we ever knew of to begin with. Their mother just kept making up things to tell the kids that their dad was not doing and stopping them from enjoying. His daughter told us that the mom was jealous of our new "big" house
A year later (2008) he was served with papers for motion of "full-custody" based primarily on his abuse to the kids?! He all of a sudden 'hits' his son, has preferential treatment to his step-daughter, does not participate in their education and has negative opinions of his daughter.
We got a lawyer and made a 4" binder of negative emails from the mother, and affidavit of 178 questions he asked her that shows how she is not consistant in her actions and thoughts. In short, we really wanted to keep the 50/50.
The mother fought us ever step. Would not go to mediation....she would only go to court. $25k later (and 9 months) the kids are in bad shape, they now side with mom and say "we need to be with her as she is just not strong like you dad....and....this way she will stop crying so much".
The X said she would not stop until she won. She comes from a lot of money and said she would throw it all into this.
So 9 months later, my partner agreed to stop. They made a new agreement that the kids could see dad whenver they wanted (a short bike ride away) and that she would not move away for minimum 1.5 years.
Well, 3 weeks later the house was for sale and in 2 months she moved. Now a 45 minutes drive (now at summer 2009).
The children come ever second weekend. Now 2010, their school marks are both lower and as much as she argued the move was for them and she would do everything to be their for them in the transition, she has now moved in with the boyfriend. After 8 months together they bought a house. He has 2 girls 6/8 that are not happy with their own parents divorcing and apparently scream all the time.
In short the kids now realize their decision was not good for them.
NOW my partner is so sad all the time. Should have fought harder? who knows. But the kids won't make the change again, their mom is too 'weak' and atleast she does not cry now and is happy with having a man around. So they will just leave it alone.
So what to do? They are not fairing well and this is harder to handle then the legal crap?
Any thoughts? Anyone else go through parental alienation and have views to share?
I don't know how to support my partner here. VERY difficult to feel his pain.
My new partner and I moved in together in 2007. My X lives 10 minutes away and we share custody of our daughter 50/50. His X moved to 1 KM away so their 2 children (then 9 and 11) would be close to both parents and better access to both. I was impressed with his X for making the move (as she said, for the good of their children).
However, withint he first year, his kids kept coming to us every single week with another thing that we did wrong (all lies). We stopped them from getting passports, going on a trip, said no to an activity etc. None of which we ever knew of to begin with. Their mother just kept making up things to tell the kids that their dad was not doing and stopping them from enjoying. His daughter told us that the mom was jealous of our new "big" house
A year later (2008) he was served with papers for motion of "full-custody" based primarily on his abuse to the kids?! He all of a sudden 'hits' his son, has preferential treatment to his step-daughter, does not participate in their education and has negative opinions of his daughter.
We got a lawyer and made a 4" binder of negative emails from the mother, and affidavit of 178 questions he asked her that shows how she is not consistant in her actions and thoughts. In short, we really wanted to keep the 50/50.
The mother fought us ever step. Would not go to mediation....she would only go to court. $25k later (and 9 months) the kids are in bad shape, they now side with mom and say "we need to be with her as she is just not strong like you dad....and....this way she will stop crying so much".
The X said she would not stop until she won. She comes from a lot of money and said she would throw it all into this.
So 9 months later, my partner agreed to stop. They made a new agreement that the kids could see dad whenver they wanted (a short bike ride away) and that she would not move away for minimum 1.5 years.
Well, 3 weeks later the house was for sale and in 2 months she moved. Now a 45 minutes drive (now at summer 2009).
The children come ever second weekend. Now 2010, their school marks are both lower and as much as she argued the move was for them and she would do everything to be their for them in the transition, she has now moved in with the boyfriend. After 8 months together they bought a house. He has 2 girls 6/8 that are not happy with their own parents divorcing and apparently scream all the time.
In short the kids now realize their decision was not good for them.
NOW my partner is so sad all the time. Should have fought harder? who knows. But the kids won't make the change again, their mom is too 'weak' and atleast she does not cry now and is happy with having a man around. So they will just leave it alone.
So what to do? They are not fairing well and this is harder to handle then the legal crap?
Any thoughts? Anyone else go through parental alienation and have views to share?
I don't know how to support my partner here. VERY difficult to feel his pain.
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