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  • should I have called

    I need some advice here. On my ex's weekend (which was just this last weekend) he took 2 of our 3 kids . One was camping. On friday night my 8 year old called me at 12:10am crying, dizzy, confused and wanted me to come and save her because her head hurt and daddy wasn't home. He left her alone with his OLD parents and she tried to wake the grandma up but couldn't and she called me in a panic. I asked where her daddy was and she didn't know where. So, I have my 8 year old on my cell and from my house line I call her dad, and of coarse he didn't answer me, actually never answers. I told my baby girl that she needs to calm down and tell me what is going on. SHe is dizzy, and hot, she thinks she has a high fever and for me to come and save her cuz she thinks she's going to die. Meanwhile I called my older daughter and asked her where her dad was and he was picking her up from her frineds house about 20mine each way from his place. I asked her did your dad get there and she said oh, he's here now. I asked to speak to him to tell him there is an emergency happening with his daughter , well he told me to f**k off and hung up. I still had my baby girl on the phone and told her to call her dad herself. she tried but wouldn't answer his phone either. Now my daughter is freaking out more and says that she needs medication and she's going to find some. My ex is living with his old parents until his house gets finished built, so can you imagine what kind of meds hang around the house. With my daughter in such a panick, sick state I took it upon myself to call for an ambulance. They came before her dad came home. As the ambulance guy rung the doorbell, the grandma was up and said oh, there is nothing wrong, she's just a little hot. my ex arrived and told them that my psycho ex wife (being me) called just to stirr up shit....but really, and I'm so saddened about this that I truly only called because I was so worried about my baby girl (8) still my baby.

    He called my a druggie/drunk (I don't drink or do drugs, an occasional tylenol, lol) called me psycho and made the cops think it was a domestic dispute. I feel this all back fired on me. All I tried to do is the right thing.
    I just called an ambulance but everyone else came when they heard she was 8 and semi-alone. Dad gone out and left a sick daughter at home

    Did I do the right thing by calling an ambulance...this is eating me up alive
    In my heart I had to...what whould you do????

    I'm getting so harassed by him for doing such an irrational move..
    He's always been like this...when will this ever end...maybe never

  • #2
    You are a mother, he is a father. Generally you worry more than he does.

    Your daughter was with her grandparents, her father was out picking up her sister, while leaving her with his parents. She is 8 years old. His actions were very reasonable.

    Given that she went looking for some medications, perhaps calling ambulance was a reasonable thing to do - but it may also have been an excessive thing to do - it depends on a lot of things.

    Did you call the house to talk to the grandparents?

    In the end your daughter was fine, but hindsight is always 20/20.

    Perhaps you are not letting it go enough and allowing him to parent his way. Her calling you is fine, she should always be able to call her mom, but he was in charge and really it does seem reasonable what was going on.

    You called the ambulance, which in hind sight it seems was excessive, but in the end, don't worry about what other people think. It will probably never happen again and is just one of those things to live and learn from. You were scared and felt that you couldn't do anything, so you made the 911 call that was not necessary - probably a lot easier to live with than not making a call that was.

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    • #3
      I would have calmed the child down, since I have an 8 year old who tends to panic a little as well, and re-assured her that I spoke to daddy and sissy and that they are on their way home. I would have kept the child on the phone til the dad got their and then said good night and let the dad handle the rest. Its hard I know but you have to trust the dad is a competent father and instill this in the children as well.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by first timer View Post
        I would have calmed the child down, since I have an 8 year old who tends to panic a little as well, and re-assured her that I spoke to daddy and sissy and that they are on their way home. I would have kept the child on the phone til the dad got their and then said good night and let the dad handle the rest. Its hard I know but you have to trust the dad is a competent father and instill this in the children as well.
        I totally agree. what was wrong with your daughter? You said that she tried to wake the grandma up but couldn't. I am thinking that she did not try that hard or actually did wake her because you wrote that when the ambulance got there the grandmother was up already.

        Was your daughter even up when he left to go pick up the other child? It is not like he was out partying, he was picking up the other child. You should have told second daughter what was going on and got her to tell Dad.

        Mention to him that you were worried because your daughter was saying that she was going to look for pills. I hate to say this but at her age I already was taught and knew NEVER to take any pills unless my parents gave them to me. When she gets home talk to her about the dangers of taking pills and not knowing what she is taking. It kind of sounds like your daughter just got herself so worked up and that made what ever she had worse.

        Why did she call you on your cell instead of your home phone?

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        • #5
          should I have called

          I forgot to mention in my last thread. My little girl ended up having a fever of 40*C.

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          • #6
            IF he knew she was sick he should of told his parents to keep an eye on her.
            she was asleep when he left to pick my 17 year old from her friends.
            I did call the 17 year old and said there was an emergency with her sister and I was so worried, and couldn't get a hold of your dad, she said he's right here. I asked to tallk to him, and was told "off" by their dad, and yes, in front of our daughter. She said he doesn't want to talk to you, and yes I yelled out saying "there is an emergency with ****** why won't he talk to me" We are never, ever, on talking terms. I guess even at an emergency situation, he still doesn't talk to me.

            Sure, the grandma finally woke up after the door bell was ringing by the ambulance and my daughter crying.

            My daughter knows not to take medication also, but when she said she really needed help, you can tell she was in a panic state and who knows at that point if she was thinking logically.

            I forgot to write in my last thread, my little girl ended up having a fever of 40*C ......

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            • #7
              Originally posted by mamoosha View Post
              I forgot to mention in my last thread. My little girl ended up having a fever of 40*C.
              How do you know what her temperature was?

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              • #8
                Dear Mamoosha,
                You did nothing wrong.
                Standing on the sidelines, what does it matter whether she was calling on the cell or the home phone? Perhaps that is the # she recalled in her fear. Also, I am going to make the assumption that since the paramedics were there they probably looked over the little girl to make sure she was okay. That could be how she knows what her daughter's temperature was.
                The father was in charge - and he wasnt THERE when his child needed him. You don't just take off in the middle of the night. Perhaps he should have woken up his old parents to let them know he had to pick up the other child.
                I hope your little girl is okay now.

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                • #9
                  I would not have called if I was in your situation and knew the facts as they were. But that being said, you are obviously in a high stress situation with this divorce and sometimes people react before thinking of the outcome. We all make mistakes.

                  My feeling is you should have stayed on the line and had her go into the grandmother's room and wake her up. That would have reassured her that you were supporting her(I hated to wake my parents in the night thinking they would get angry because I was sick, threw up in my bed etc.) It is an irrational fear that all kids get. You could have asked to speak to the grandmother. This would have diffused the situation and you would have an adult assessing the situation instead of an 8 year old.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Leila View Post
                    Dear Mamoosha,
                    You did nothing wrong.
                    Standing on the sidelines, what does it matter whether she was calling on the cell or the home phone? Perhaps that is the # she recalled in her fear. Also, I am going to make the assumption that since the paramedics were there they probably looked over the little girl to make sure she was okay. That could be how she knows what her daughter's temperature was.
                    The father was in charge - and he wasnt THERE when his child needed him. You don't just take off in the middle of the night. Perhaps he should have woken up his old parents to let them know he had to pick up the other child.
                    I hope your little girl is okay now.
                    I just asked a question regarding the phone. I jsut thought it was odd

                    . The father may have been in charge but he was in charge of TWO children. If the younger one was asleep when he left to go pick up the older child and he did not know she was sick then how was he suppose to know? He never just took off, his other daughter needed him to pick her up. If he would have said to the older daughter to find her own way home, that he had to look after the younger one (IF he knew she was sick) would that have been better? No of course not.

                    I am sure that it was worked out beforehand that he had to go pick up the older daughter, why should he have to wake up his parents? Especailly if he did not know the younger one was sick. How many parents wake the other when they have to step out to pick up the other child or for whatever reason?

                    There is alot of anger between the two people and it sounds like emotions get too high. She told the older daughter and the older child could relay the message to the father. I have a feeling that small things (not that I am saying a sick child is a small thing) get blown out of proportion and the responses/emotions on BOTH sides escalate until it is out of control.

                    Remember that the parents may be "old" but the grandmother was/is still a mother herself.

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                    • #11
                      I'd have done the same thing.....maybe told her to go and be more aggressive in waking up old grandma would have worked too.

                      Your ex sounds very much like mine - and I'm learning (slowly) to not internalize things he says about/to me as they are a reflection of who HE is and not about what/who I am.

                      You are no longer married to him and his words shouldn't affect you anymore. You did what you thought was right at the time and hey, its better to err on the side of caution. Especially if you know your daughter and this sounded legit......now, if she was a drama queen (like my 5yo) then you'd have reason to think she was just getting over-excited and not to take it seriously. But I think you have to go with your gut.

                      Next time though, I'd probably make sure that your kids know full well that if there is anything they need/are scared of, that they can be more aggressive in waking up the grandparents. Obviously the grandma woke when the ambulance came......so maybe she just needs to express how important it is that she gets attention from them when she needs it.

                      Glad she's okay - hope you can let this go and not take ex's words too seriously.

                      Becca

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                      • #12
                        should i have called

                        I found out from my 17 year old that my little girls temperature was 40 as she whitnessed it being taken. My ex didn't tell me. He never tells me. He actually wouldn't let me talk to my daughter the next day, as I wanted to know how she was feeling. SHe had to sneak to another phone and call me and when he heard her talking to me, he hung up on her. (great dad)..also, my kids only can call my cell because where they live it's long distance and if my kids use their phone, they get in trouble for their long distance fees. By the way they were only $5.00 when my older one called at christmas break.

                        My ex inlaws have never liked me because I wasn't Italian. 18 years married...21 years together..3 beautiful and smart children were never good enough because again....I wasn't Italian...nothing else!!! Actually, they only like my son who is 15 because he is darker and looks Italian.

                        It doesn't matter if I was educated, loyal, great human being that decided to stay home to raise the kids while daddy travelled around and....well...met other women...I just wasn't good enough for her baby

                        Our whole stable family life (thanks to me) was turned upside down when he said he didn't want to be married anymore and have his freedom from the kids....MIDLIFE? I now have a new thread to post...can't wait to see what you guys think of this one!

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