Child not wanting to go or meltdown, at pickup time

[Serene]

One thing I would be careful of (this was mentioned early in the thread) is a parent saying "mom and I agree on..." or "mom and I don't want...". Personally, I think it is best for the parent dealing with the child in a situation like this to ONLY speak for themself and never to infer what the other parent may think, believe or do, regardless if it is on the same page as you. It is too risky. As there may be a time and place that the parents don't agree, and your word/opinion/rule, etc. will still be expected to be enforced.

But as for the child's behaviour, it can happen. It is awkward and difficult to work through. But by the same token I wouldn't send my kid over for a play date before school knowing dang well it would end in chaos when I try to take them away. A little common sense from the mother in this situation would really help the child. Mom should have a transition home for the child before Dad comes. Or better yet, ask the dad if he'd like to have the child over for a play date and he can pick up both kids at the same time

[stripes]

T One of his little buddies right now as well, that he always plays with, is also now a newly dubbed "child of divorce", and I think this could also be adding to it. Those parents seem to be vowing for the "funnest time with parent" award right now so this could also be adding to this. If child X gets what he wants all the time, I should too?

You may be onto something with this. Kids are very quick to pick up what they see with their peers, and your son may be thinking "how come you're not a super-fun divorced Disney dad like so and so's dad?" (The answer, of course, is that parenting is not a popularity contest). My D8, who's a bit older than your son, has a BFF who's going through her second parental divorce and D8 is very aware of the comparisons - e.g. "BFF gets whatever she wants from her dad because he's divorced now" or "BFF just cries and her mom will give her tons of attention because she's divorced". Amazing what they pick up.

[Helpless]

We do exchanges in a parking lot at Timmies . It used to be pick ups at my place only but our situation is not an amicable one so we agreed that the same point of exchange was a good idea. S4 used to have meltdowns in the similar fashion as your son, didn't want to go with father and these lasted for so long that they started worrying me. But with the exchange point they haven't happen in a long time. Best of luck!