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  • #16
    Interesting perspectives. I just don't think it's good to put kids in the middle of this.

    I've seen many children from non-divorced families play their parents off against each other. It stands to reason that this could also occur with divorced families.

    I think it's a matter of the mother making her point through the kids. The father can now decided whether or not he wants to engage in the contest. I like DunnMom's simple response that both parents are responsible to raise the children.

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    • #17
      I missed something in your original post. So she gets the CS amount, and she's trying to get more? And the kids know she's trying to get more? Just tell them that there is a government approved system for CS, and you pay what they say to.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Rioe View Post
        I missed something in your original post. So she gets the CS amount, and she's trying to get more? And the kids know she's trying to get more? Just tell them that there is a government approved system for CS, and you pay what they say to.
        Technically, he didn't say that - he does not clarify whether he actually pays table or offset table amount. Maybe he isn't paying the amount he should based on his income...? He just says he pays "well over 5,000 for 3 kids" -

        Something is wrong here - either he makes well over 200K and should be able to afford his own trips, or he is including SS as well as CS, in which case, he may very well be broke.

        To the OP and the initial question: I think children should know that BOTH parents support them financially when they are old enough to understand - 9 is old enough in my opinion. But to say something like "your trips with your mother are funded by me," or "too many vacations spoil a child" -ridiculous. I hope the OP reads back what he wrote and realizes how inappropriate either of those things would be to say to a child.

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        • #19
          If you look at the OP's post of Nov 30 he mentions 'high access costs' ie travel/hotels.

          While it is mere speculation on my part, perhaps the OP works in oilfield (UAE or northern pipeline). Big bucks... big taxes and big travel expenses.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by arabian View Post
            If you look at the OP's post of Nov 30 he mentions 'high access costs' ie travel/hotels.

            While it is mere speculation on my part, perhaps the OP works in oilfield (UAE or northern pipeline). Big bucks... big taxes and big travel expenses.
            All fine and dandy and you could be bang on Arabian but that also equals BIG CHOICES ....

            IE ... Stay the steady and earn $50,000/yr (& pay CS according to your income) OR choose to party like a ROCKSTAR and go to where the big $$$ is (& the big living expenses) and sacrifice time with your child and then cry foul.

            Off course it's all speculation

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            • #21
              Yes it is indeed speculation (I do hope the OP chimes in here again).

              Being from Alberta I have known many a young man who has opted to work on the rigs in the north. They do work very hard, in harsh conditions and earnings reflect this work. Family reaps the benefits. It's hard for them to leave their families to live in dorm-style accommodation. The smart ones invest their money. Others send the money back home and eventually have their families move out west.

              Big commitment for a family that's for sure. Oh and I should add that there are plenty of women around only too willing to keep the guys company.
              Last edited by arabian; 12-31-2013, 12:32 AM.

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              • #22
                Yes it is indeed speculation (I do hope the OP chimes in here again).
                There seems to be a lot of that going on in this thread thus far, and it will seem some people aren't reading the original post right before ASSUMING what they think the OP is saying or what might be going on.

                Oh and I should add that there are plenty of women around only too willing to keep the guys company.
                Yeah....like this one, JP Morgan CEO Reponds To Gold Digger On Criagslist | Guide To Living The Real Man's Lifestyle | Man-Trends.com

                Ex has never taken the kids anywhere other than a long weekend camping trip locally.
                Is this a competition....I fail to see the relevance of it to the Child Support question???? Because if it is, then my EX is not even in the game...cos as a PAYOR myself, am the one that has taken the child to Europe twice, Disney, and across the US on road trips. But hey, not everyone is worldly and loves to travel outside CAN/US, and EX will also tell you that it's because my family is not in this country that I take the child overseas

                He CONSTANTLY bitches to them that "I" take all his $ .
                Do you know this for sure, or is it SPECULATION like what is happening in this thread????

                I've never stated anything other than ... "Your dad and I brought you into this world and we are both responsible in supporting you" ...
                This is what RATIONAL parents do, there should be no mud slinging to gain brownie points.

                Ex can't fathom how we can vacation or how I have a cleaning lady and quite frankly it's none of his damn business
                OK....are you sure he is losing sleep over this, or this is just you thinking having the cleaning lady will piss him off???? If my EX had brought this up at any point, it won't have surprised me at all, and I could see why she would have needed one...me on the other hand, I hate clutter or mess of any kind. Our child knows to tidy up already, and sings as he does it.

                The one thing that I feel posters here seem to forget is that "some" parents are quite fine with NOT playing an active role in their kids lives. For everyone on here who is fighting tooth & nail for a minimum of 50/50 there is a greater amount out there who just truly don't give a shit and the kids are just collateral damage.
                There is indeed some truth in that....there are a lot of parents that will rather go hunting, hangout at Timmies with their bikes, go shopping or just drinking. I have found myself many times as one of three dads at play groups talking to other parents, and the single moms have shared their situations.

                Child came back yesterday having left on Xmas morning after opening his Santa gifts at my place first. During the absence, I downloaded a whole bunch of 3D movies to be watched on the Smart 3D TV. I invited 4 of his friends (boys and girls) over as a surprise, and you should have seen elation when everyone showed up..we ended up watching Despicable Me 2 with everyone wearing their glasses and eating snacks....the feedback was "it's like being at the movies, and it was awesome". I never ask for what goes on at the other residence, and when child is with me, we have a schedule of activities he does / we do

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                • #23
                  post already in the thread
                  Last edited by FWB; 12-31-2013, 10:13 AM. Reason: duplicate

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                  • #24
                    My STBXW is still a stay at home mom (she is hoping for a raise I think) so I openly tell my kids I am paying for that house and this house... I tell them when (if) their mom gets remarried or gets a job I'll have more money available so to be patient.

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                    • #25
                      Links17 - hilarious! At least you don't hold back, I'll give you that!

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                      • #26
                        My STBXW is still a stay at home mom (she is hoping for a raise I think) so I openly tell my kids I am paying for that house and this house... I tell them when (if) their mom gets remarried or gets a job I'll have more money available so to be patient.
                        Nothing like emotionally abusing your kids to try to get revenge on an ex.

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                          Nothing like emotionally abusing your kids to try to get revenge on an ex.
                          using kids as pawns, lowest form of parenting.

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                          • #28
                            using kids as pawns, lowest form of parenting.
                            Indeed! Sad news is there are those that do it in a delusional way, and don't realize that they are doing just this



                            For the parents that feel it necessary to hurt the other (or even an extended family) this is what you are doing to your child!

                            Clinical psychology has coined a litany of names for this behavior when the mother in essence victimizes the child in this fashion: “Parental Alienation syndrome” (Gardner, 1985) “Medea Syndrome” (Wallerstein and Blakeslee, 1989) and “Malicious Mother Syndrome” (Turkat, 1995). These are not fairy tales that target the evil step-mother; this is the clinical reality of the ugly mother.

                            Helping Adult Children With Parental Alienation Syndrome

                            http://en.doctmag.com/specialized-me...baby-to-fetus/

                            http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/pas/turkat95.htm


                            It is frustrating at best, to watch a child be pulled into the parent game.Most of the time, the child(ren) don't understand. Although it does predominantly happen to men, it does happen to woman and grandparents all to often as well.

                            Custody is awarded to mothers in 90% of custodial cases. The female guardian has the home court advantage of time and possession which translates into influence. Will she use her power for good or for evil?
                            Some interesting facts from a survey:

                            Say what now?

                            "50% of mothers see no value in the father's continued contact with his children. "
                            ("Surviving the Breakup" by Joan Berlin Kelly)


                            Hmmm...I guess Mom does know best eh?

                            40% of mothers reported that they had interfered with the father's visitation to punish their ex-spouse.
                            ("Frequency of Visitation...." by Stanford Braver, American Journal of Orthopsychiatry

                            85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes.
                            (Center for Disease Control)

                            63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes.
                            (U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census)

                            80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes

                            (Criminal Justice and Behavior, Vol. 14, p. 403-26)

                            71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes
                            (National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools)

                            85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home
                            (Fulton County Georgia jail populations & Texas Dept. of Corrections, 199)

                            The takeaway from all this?????

                            NOTE: In the end, the real custody battle isn’t fought in the courts. It’s fought in the home. It ends at 18. And the winner is almost never the child.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Thank you

                              Thank you for the considered replies, even the rather judgy ones.

                              The mother has done several things to attempt to alienate the children from me in a multitude of ways, so yes I'm familiar with the parental alienation literature.

                              No, I don't think it's right to talk finances with the kids, but when they come and say stuff about my finances that they hear from their mother, it is difficult to not correct them. This thread was done to see how people did speak about finances and child support with their children.

                              Thank you for those of you offering financial advice as well on my budgeting. There are high access costs, and several other expenses in my life, so, yes, 5000 per month of child support is excessive and does not leave money for travel. If I was paying 4000 per month or less, then one or two vacations would certainly be feasible.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                No, I don't think it's right to talk finances with the kids, but when they come and say stuff about my finances that they hear from their mother, it is difficult to not correct them.
                                Doing the right thing and being the bigger person isn't always easy but your kids will thank you for it when they're older.

                                Comment

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