Thank-you Tayken, for the "awareness" to all sides that you deliver to this forum by way of documented and factual information. Or.. as I think you have taught us all - the words (and how they relate to one another) "cogent, relevant, evidence." I recently used those exact words in an email correspondence in which I was requesting verification of something.
HE-Thanks for the link, as well as this. Agreed completely...
[QUOTE=wretchedotis;94015]The implication here is that someone laid their hands on you, and caused bruising.
Well, I would expect there to be some sort of 'fear' instilled as a result.
Unless it was consensual. Rough sex maybe? Did you cave and have a 'booty call'?
Other then something along those lines - how could one not become 'afraid' of the violence being projected by the other? Do you not 'fear' a repeat occurance? Even worse a repeat in front of the child(s)?
I can imagine that maybe you are trying to be a 'tough cookie' and say it didn't phase you and therefore you have no fear as a result. But I would think your just trying to show your bravado in saying there is no 'fear' resulting from the incident.[\QUOTE]
WO-You are too funny. Bruising is all a matter of how it was attained ! ha. I haven't done anything because I do not think it's fair to our sons, that they would be impacted and not be able to see their father. I've had two incidents in two weeks, and the second was worse. Any 'intolerance' and 'violence' from my ex against me, has nothing to do with them. He has never harmed them. They love going to each house for the week, and I'm sure they would hate me if I took their dad away from them.
Personally I'm not affected by fear all that much, in some cases it's an advantage, in other cases it gets me into trouble. I've worked in some rough and tumble jobs like doorman at a bar, I also take a lot of chances doing things like downhill mountain biking. That shouldn't be held against me in court, charges should be laid according to the other person's behaviour and intent. If they intend to intimate me or injure me, it doesn't matter if I am a hard ass, they have still broken the law.
Mess-Hard Ass, Booty Call, Bruising...Another week-end in the burbs !
Violence in any form is unacceptable, and often times escalates. By not doing anything about it you're telling him it's acceptable to you. And by that logic - it's ok if he uses a weapon next time (false logic - but so be it).
Your concerns are admirable - but I can tell you that it will only prevent him from seeing the kids if you persue that avenue.
I think it would be reasonable that he need have a third party present for exchanges, in order to prevent future occurances. But he won't have his access taken away as a result (unless you push for it through family court).
It would make things more difficult for him - but those would be consequences of his own making.
The implication here is that someone laid their hands on you, and caused bruising.
Well, I would expect there to be some sort of 'fear' instilled as a result.
Unless it was consensual. Rough sex maybe? Did you cave and have a 'booty call'?
Other then something along those lines - how could one not become 'afraid' of the violence being projected by the other? Do you not 'fear' a repeat occurance? Even worse a repeat in front of the child(s)?
I can imagine that maybe you are trying to be a 'tough cookie' and say it didn't phase you and therefore you have no fear as a result. But I would think your just trying to show your bravado in saying there is no 'fear' resulting from the incident.[\QUOTE]
WO-You are too funny. Bruising is all a matter of how it was attained ! ha. I haven't done anything because I do not think it's fair to our sons, that they would be impacted and not be able to see their father. I've had two incidents in two weeks, and the second was worse. Any 'intolerance' and 'violence' from my ex against me, has nothing to do with them. He has never harmed them. They love going to each house for the week, and I'm sure they would hate me if I took their dad away from them.
Mess-Hard Ass, Booty Call, Bruising...Another week-end in the burbs !
SOS-No...The reverse.
Your best best to avoid a problem is to avoid the person in question. Talk to your lawyer about changing the arrangements of pickup and drop off of the children. (Do it through the school? Daycare?)
Tensions run high in separation and divorce. You have to be very careful when you "break the seal" with the police. It can escalate conflict 1000x more especially if the DV allegation doesn't lead to a criminal conviction.
You seem to be thinking about it from a good perspective. My recommendation is to limit physical contact with the other parent. At minimum you should be bringing a non-biased third party with you.
You should be doing the exchanges in a public place (say MacDonalds) in FRONT of the sales counter where they have video cameras. Or somewhere else you know there is video monitoring by an independent third party and where there are lots of people around.
If you continue to do the exchanges at the other parent's home (or your home) it doesn't demonstrate you truly "fear" the other parent to a judge generally. Your lawyer should have hundreds of different recommendations to move the location to a location where *neither* parent has to fear the other. (remember an allegation of DV that is false is psychologically abusive and won't win you any favour with a family law judge)
Work towards reducing conflict and you will feel better as a parent and eventually as an ex-spouse. Your children will thank you for it in the long run too.
I am petrified of my ex (my children are too). Even in my own backyard, I can not sit alone, that is how bad it is. Coming from my perspective (which I will tell you is now definitely biased), I would file a report with the police. These things can escalate and FAST! Then I try to look at it from a rational standpoint, and I'd say, the advice given of public encounters and third party witnesses are probably your best bet. Maybe these are just small isolated incidents that will never escalate and with always being in public, nothing to worry about, so why open that can of worms right. In my situation (and we haven't been together in years or seen eachother outside of court), public, had no effect on him. Even in the courthouse waiting room, he stood in front of me clenched his fists and gritted his teeth, if the police were not right there, I have no doubt in my mind his hands would have been around my throat once again.
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