Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Ouch!

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Ouch!

    Great site, glad I found it. I do have a ? though I could not find an answer to yet. After 15 years together 6 of them married and two small children my wife has decided to separate. My problem however is the terms under which this situation has arose so heres the gory details. Throughout the summer she had gone out Saturday & Sundays for various things such as hair appts, groceries, coffee w/the girls etc. while I watched the kids. Fine with me. Toward September I notice a change in her behavior towards me. Very distant, and mid October she no longer was wearing her rings (to big was afraid she would lose them) Not coming home on weekends (had to much to drink so was staying at a friends or sometimes friend was just having a tough time and needed her support) whatever the excuse doesn't add up asked her about it denies any outside affair. Two weeks later wants to separate a week after moving out says she is now seeing someone else (Duh!) My question now is : she wants to half all assets but even though I can't prove it with pictures I think an affair waives some of her rights to assets. Especially if she walks out. The other ? I have is : Is it still an affair if you are separated i.e. not divorced yet or does it have to have happened before she left? Hope I've given enough details for some answers/advice as I'm getting pushed pretty hard to settle up financially and I haven't even had a chance to speak to a lawyer yet (Dec 17) let alone pull all the knives out of my back.

  • #2
    Well, it's a crappy situation, but the courts don't care who's fault it is. She's entitled to half. The only thing you get to keep solely is the knives in your back. Get to a lawyer.

    Where are the children?

    Comment


    • #3
      Adultery and conduct of the other spouse will mean nothing except as it relates to it's effect on the children.

      You have to go through the financial disclosure before you know whether you have to give half.

      Yes, where are the kids? If they're still with you in the home that will be very compelling for custody and support.

      And yes, get yourself to a lawyer YESTERDAY. There is LOTS for you to learn in the coming hours and days. Keep reading this forum.
      Last edited by dadtotheend; 11-26-2008, 10:25 PM.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by dadtotheend View Post
        And yes, get yourself to a lawyer YESTERDAY. There is LOTS for you to learn in the coming hours and days. Keep reading this forum.
        I couldn't agree more! It's a tough situation, emotionally, psychologically, mentally, in every possible sense. As much as you think you can go at it on your own right now... the reality is that you can't. Maybe after some experience with divorce law and with your case (you can never be sure of what she can throw at you) you'll be able to represent yourself, but that time is still a very long time away!

        You'll find a lot of support here, as well as some answers based on experiences, but legal advice... you need to get from a lawyer. Shop around, go to a few consultations, and see who you can find to represent you best.

        Comment


        • #5
          Currently the kids are with her mon-thur and me fri-sun. As far as flying solo on this one forget it. The guy she left me for left his wife just two weeks before and they're hashing it out right now with lawyers so she's getting her advice from him I'm sure. So I'm way behind. I'm just trying to stall long enough to get a lawyer myself. She had it figured at 600/mo CS but from what I figured on the tables it should have been about 180. Brought this up to the mediator last Friday and mediator agreed it should be her salary - mine. She was a little choked and a couple days later came up with the lame excuse I should maybe only see them everyother wkend due to their schedule getting off track and its hard for them to go back as they would rather stay with me. Seemed a rather transparent attempt at sole. So I have no idea whats about to come at me. Is it possible I can get booted out of my house and have it sold to pay out her half? If thats the case I can see her saying the kids don't/won't have a good enough residence and she could try to take them completely. Four lives destroyed. All this just so one can opt for an "improved" way of life. This isn't right.

          Edit: Forgot to add; Rememberance day the "competition" was over at her house. Tuesday, a day for the kids to be with her. My little boy frequently wakes up scared of monsters and used to come into our room for comfort. That night he said the door was locked and she wouldn't let him in just sent him back to his room. Kind of p***es me off they can't wait til the weekend when they are gone. Should I be documenting this kind of stuff?

          Comment


          • #6
            reverand - if the home is the primary resident for yourself while you have the children, you cannot be compelled to sell the home. However, she is entitiled to half of the equity in the home. However, if you are still residing in the home and paying the mortgage and all of the utilities, not to mention any upgrades/upkeep she is responsible for half of those costs which comes from her share of the equity. You can appeal to the courts to keep the home as it is the most familiar to the children and least impactful throughout this change in their lives. This exact situation is one that I have encountered. I reside in Alberta but would assume the marital property division doesn't differ too greatly across the country.
            Don't give up on fighting for joint custody at a minimum. Be prepared for her lawyer to make a motion for joint custody but primary residence with her. I would advise to oppose the motion and present the judge with a plan for the children to reside with both parents equally. One suggestion would be alternating weeks - sunday to sunday. That way she can't expect child support beyond your means. Most importantly be prepared for the courts. Have a presentable plan regarding the home clearly stipulating the reasoning behind you keeping the residence for the safety and security of the children. Present the court with a viable plan for each of you taking equal responsibility for the children. If your ex presents to the courts as being reluctant or unreasonable the judge will rule against her. The main objective of the judge is to ensure the children are provided with environments from both parents which are non threatening and capable of meeting their needs.
            In my previous life I spent a lot of time in family court - employment. Hope I didn't ramble too much.

            Comment


            • #7
              I agree with FL. Sunday-Sunday week-on/week-off would be best. But if right now all that you can agree to is Fri-Sun EVERY weekend... stick to it. Whatever you don, don't agree to every-other-weekend. But try to keep getting more and more time with the kids, any way you can. And document, document, document!

              I cannot stress enough how much you need to document everything.

              Also, if you communicate with your ex verbally, either record the conversations or switch to email. Written documentation is best, as it's solid proof of what he has said/done.

              Comment


              • #8
                Fight as hard as you can as soon as you can for equal custody, meaning 50/50. Don't accept any less. Why should the kids have to move away from one loving parent, out of their own home to live with another parent in a new place shared (at times) by someone they've only just met?

                Remember, the legal system puts a huge importance on "status quo" so as to minimize disruptions in the kids' lives. If you let her keep the kids 4 out of 7 days per week for any length of time it will be very hard to get more time with them in the future.

                Are the kids in school, or daycare close to your home? If so, this is another reason for the kids to spend more time at your home. The very best outcome is if the kids can live equally at both parents' places, but for this to work you both have to live close enough to the other parent and the kids' school to make it practical.

                You will likely have to share the family property equally, don't stress too much or waste resources on that unless there are unusual circumstances. The important thing is to minimize the turmoil in the kids' lives and those battles should take priority.

                Good luck with it.

                Comment


                • #9
                  That's where my husband made the mistake..he let the Ex take his daugther when she left. It was done out of good intentions. He thought at the time it was best for his daughter. It has been a battle in court over the last 5 years trying to obtain 50%. We received 43% after we agreed not to ask for an over set EVER!!!!
                  Do whatever you can to maintain 50% at the time of separation. If it is the staus quo it will be easier to maintain.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I am trying to document things but is there anything in specific I should be making note of. Got a phone call from her the other night to say goodnight to the kids. She immediately launched into a tirade about why I didn't bring him back in a winter coat and why was he limping. Also my little daughter had a bruise on her knee. Hmmmm. What are the odds she took them to the Dr.'s for documentation about what a lousy neglectful father I am. Anything I can do to cut this off at the pass before it comes back to bite me. (I never noticed him limping this wkend BTW) Regarding recordings do I have to disclose that the conversation is being taped? Also seeing as there is nothing yet in writing on an amount for CS should I be paying anything or should we each be managing on our own until a mediator can come up with some numbers and my lawyer look it over? One other ? I had is the admissibility of a psychiatrist whom she went to a week after she left. Can she have told him what an abusive neglectful dirt bag I am which is why she left and have that taken as gospel? I had asked her to see someone regarding her temper/anger issues before and now I'm just wondering what the hell she told him and if I just crucified myself in an attempt to make sure the kids weren't going to be yelled at all the time like she did when she was here.

                    Comment

                    Our Divorce Forums
                    Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                    Working...
                    X