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  • #16
    Things are evolving yes but laws should always include the subsection of those who live today in subservient roles, outside of the mainstream of society (religions which endorse traditional roles for women).

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    • #17
      Originally posted by viewfromthecheapseats View Post

      It wasn't until almost the end of the Victorian Era that women had ANY chance of obtaining custody of their children regardless of the situation that had prompted divorce or separation. I see that the pendulum is finally starting to settle somewhere closer to the middle ground. Joint custody should be the default, there should be a requirement to prove that something other than joint custody is appropriate. That "proof" is often the point of contention.
      Joint custody is more often than not the default. Joint 50-50 access is not, and the system appropriately enough looks to the best interest of the child to determine access.

      Not much of a gender discussion and focus is not on what works best for the mother or the father (or their new partners), but on attempting at best to continue the kidlet's stability and strengthen the kidlet during transition.

      As straittohell notes, as he was an active parent pre-separation, he is an active parent post separation.
      Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Straittohell View Post
        Well, that's where my post clearly said that the courts are SLOWLY recognizing that things are changing. Which they are. Slowly.
        The courts aren't changing slowly -- the parenting is changing slowly.

        Originally posted by Straittohell View Post
        We're not going to improve as a society if we continually gripe and moan about the current challenges. We're going to improve by pushing for imorovements one parent at a time.
        I wholeheartedly concur -- if you have any friends who are getting married, having children, etc.... advise them to actively parent, involve themselves with their kids, get to know the teachers, etc.

        I've mentioned this before I believe - 3 young families on my street, only one family has two parents that appear to be jointly parenting. Stop griping, moaning and get to parenting.
        Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

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        • #19
          I dont agree that even if one parent was more involved that should imply it should not be shared residency.

          During a marriage for whatever reason it may be agreed due to earning potential difference and ambition that one parent child rears more and the other works more. In the case of the marriage between a doctor and a medical secretary it would make no sense in terms of the family unit for the medical secretary to work but with the spousal support principles in place if the doctor ALLOWED the secretary wife to not work he would have a bigger liability than if she worked (though the unjust SS system would grant her money anyways)

          Once there is a divorce both parents are pretty much legally obliged to attempt to work full time so their agreement about the specialization of roles ENDs with the divorce.

          Since that specialization ends with divorce why shouldn't the parenting roles end too?

          Maybe one parent is better than the other parent but as long as both can adequately parent the children will benefit from having a solid relations with parents rather than solid with one and weak with the other.

          The quebec model is now sooooo close to a presumption of shared custody i think it is just a matter of time.....
          Last edited by Links17; 11-11-2014, 11:07 PM.

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          • #20
            I agree that pre separation roles should not be weighted as much as they are.

            Pre separation the parties were akin to riding a tandem bicycle together where one party did more steering etc.

            Post separation both parties must ride the bike and steer independently. Put another way, they must both assume all of the responsibilities whereas before there was a division of labour.

            That should be the starting point post separation. Then if one party doesn't do their bit, then the assumption of shared is restructured.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by viewfromthecheapseats View Post
              "Great change in the situation of women took place in the 19th century, especially concerning marriage laws and the legal rights of women to divorce and/or gain custody of children. The situation that fathers always received custody of their children, leaving the mother without any rights, slowly started to change. The Custody of Infants Act in 1839 gave mothers of unblemished character access to their children in the event of separation or divorce, and the Matrimonial Causes Act in 1857 gave women limited access to divorce. But while the husband only had to prove his wife's adultery, a woman had to prove her husband had not only committed adultery but also incest, bigamy, cruelty or desertion.[19] In 1873 the Custody of Infants Act extended access to children to all women in the event of separation or divorce. In 1878, after an amendment to the Matrimonial Causes Act, women could secure a separation on the grounds of cruelty and claim custody of their children." Wikipedia Women in Victorian Era.

              It wasn't until almost the end of the Victorian Era that women had ANY chance of obtaining custody of their children regardless of the situation that had prompted divorce or separation. I see that the pendulum is finally starting to settle somewhere closer to the middle ground. Joint custody should be the default, there should be a requirement to prove that something other than joint custody is appropriate. That "proof" is often the point of contention.
              Well, my dig about Victorian views was in reference to women‘s property rights, and the attitudes towards the role of fathers in their kid‘s lives. But thanks for the history lesson.

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              • #22
                I am new here and hate to comment with my limited experience with a view only from my specific situation. Please do not bounce me since another post I made says I feel in my situation the perfect storm has formed. I feel we got off on the wrong foot ( no blame assigned, let's call it equal for the sake of this )

                This perfect storm will simply ( this might sound harsh) ruin my life. I sounded optimist at times I know. I have now blown awy God know how much money with lawyers since my effort at mediation with a supposedly "neutral" member member of HER FAMILY family failed.

                The perfect storm is slowing forming as I see it. I will not get into it but I am up the crib without a paddle. Not even sure I will have place to stay. Millionaire one day. Next day not to simplify. I will be forced not keep company I do not want to pay her a ridulous of support to give her the lifestyle she is accustomed to. She took what she wanted it and left me to clean everything. All the problems of the house cleanings etc.

                She is normenting me saying it is all my fault. My fingers are venting to tonight. Nothing I say gets through to her greedy smell.

                She loves to spend hous of time with my beautiful grandchildren effectively cutting me off. Something has to break soon before I do. Tanks for listening to my vent

                Your thought would b appreciated if you have any

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                • #23
                  My dearest cherished thing may to go. The cottage.

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Craigerst View Post
                    My dearest cherished thing may to go. The cottage.
                    I'm really seriously telling you - forget everything; lower your expectations otherwise you won't be able to handle what happens next.

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