So, we tried mediation in Jan. I thought they would help me with abuse concerns. Wrong. They are not there for opinions just to help us talk. Well it seems some people are really good at faking it. The best I could get, for a full time stay at home Mom was four days/week w/ me and 3 days w/ him and shared decision making. That ended in Mar w/ a promise he would stop being difficult and be reasonable. Didn't last long. Communication dwindled to whatever our 4 & 6 year olds would tell me.
The last time my ex sexually assaulted me, in the same bed as our children, last year, he warned me not to make an issue out of it or I would lose my children and his family would support him. Taking his threat to heart I remained quiet about it until mediation, which didn't help as they must remain neutral, unless their is proof of child abuse.
So we move to mid July. I had a meeting w/ my ex to go over a trip agreement for summer holiday and I mentioned some of my concerns regarding inappropriate nudity around the children... I also made reference to the abuse I suffered. BIG oops. 3 days later he dropped the boys off for our vacation. Something weird in the air. He brought a friend to witness signing the trip agreement he never intended to sign and enticed me into an argument. I did raise my voice, but never swore or called him a name or physically assaulted him.
A week into the trip I received an email alluding to my verbal and physical assault against him before I left?! I responded with I have no idea what you are talking about.
We return home 2 weeks later. I put the kids to sleep and answer a phone call at 10 pm from the police. They had a report of a domestic assault, they are going to come take me into custody overnight and I will see a judge in the am. What the #**k! Hard crash!!! My current partner tells them this is crazy she was there it did not happen. Well they have my ex and his buddy so they will let the judge figure it out. My ex's parent's will p/u the kids, after I wake them and then they can watch me be taken away in cuffs!
11pm 3 cops show up. I make a deal w/ arresting cop to let my sister come stay w/ kids until I return, to lessen their trauma. (they have never seen anything like this before). Cuffed, charged, no questions, cold slab, fingerprints, judged and released 12hrs later. Home to my kids... NOPE! Seems the plan was changed in my absence. Even w/out any legal custody or access papers. My ex kept them for 2 wks. And only returned them due to lawyer's involvement. So now I pay 3500, he pays 0. Best case, they can't prove I did it. Done. Life goes on. Justice??? Oh yeah lawyer says that doesn't really exist.
Now what? Months of custody battles, a criminal trial, tons of stress, and a life negotiating w/ a narcissistic sociopath. What is one to do? Do I risk telling the police about the actual assaults I suffered? Will that bring me closure or accountability or just more fear of what his retaliation will be? And until the never ending custody battle is over we get to make decisions together. Great. I am afraid to be near him and he is avoiding anyone he has to look in the eyes.
Any words of wisdom appreciated.
MM
The last time my ex sexually assaulted me, in the same bed as our children, last year, he warned me not to make an issue out of it or I would lose my children and his family would support him. Taking his threat to heart I remained quiet about it until mediation, which didn't help as they must remain neutral, unless their is proof of child abuse.
So we move to mid July. I had a meeting w/ my ex to go over a trip agreement for summer holiday and I mentioned some of my concerns regarding inappropriate nudity around the children... I also made reference to the abuse I suffered. BIG oops. 3 days later he dropped the boys off for our vacation. Something weird in the air. He brought a friend to witness signing the trip agreement he never intended to sign and enticed me into an argument. I did raise my voice, but never swore or called him a name or physically assaulted him.
A week into the trip I received an email alluding to my verbal and physical assault against him before I left?! I responded with I have no idea what you are talking about.
We return home 2 weeks later. I put the kids to sleep and answer a phone call at 10 pm from the police. They had a report of a domestic assault, they are going to come take me into custody overnight and I will see a judge in the am. What the #**k! Hard crash!!! My current partner tells them this is crazy she was there it did not happen. Well they have my ex and his buddy so they will let the judge figure it out. My ex's parent's will p/u the kids, after I wake them and then they can watch me be taken away in cuffs!
11pm 3 cops show up. I make a deal w/ arresting cop to let my sister come stay w/ kids until I return, to lessen their trauma. (they have never seen anything like this before). Cuffed, charged, no questions, cold slab, fingerprints, judged and released 12hrs later. Home to my kids... NOPE! Seems the plan was changed in my absence. Even w/out any legal custody or access papers. My ex kept them for 2 wks. And only returned them due to lawyer's involvement. So now I pay 3500, he pays 0. Best case, they can't prove I did it. Done. Life goes on. Justice??? Oh yeah lawyer says that doesn't really exist.
Now what? Months of custody battles, a criminal trial, tons of stress, and a life negotiating w/ a narcissistic sociopath. What is one to do? Do I risk telling the police about the actual assaults I suffered? Will that bring me closure or accountability or just more fear of what his retaliation will be? And until the never ending custody battle is over we get to make decisions together. Great. I am afraid to be near him and he is avoiding anyone he has to look in the eyes.
Any words of wisdom appreciated.
MM
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