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I read this on another post.. so true and yet so sad

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  • I read this on another post.. so true and yet so sad

    Hey everyone,

    First of all let me express my sympathy for anyone going through a divorce. Whether you're the husband or spouse or if you're a child suffering from your parents going through a breakup.

    I recently graduated from college and the insane divorce rates have tarnished my ambition for ever wanting to get married. It's tough to ignore when I know more people that have had rocky relationships and have gone through divorce than I know of anyone who is having a happy and successful marriage. There is very little trust anymore and the second something goes wrong in a relationship, the answer is "divorce" since everyone else is doing it.

    I hate to sound selfish (and I'm sure it will appear that way to anyone reading this) but since I was 16, I've worked my @ss off working two or three jobs at a time through college and I'm currently working full-time and working on a master's degree in the evenings. I can't help but think that if I would get married, that all of that hard work would be thrown down the drain if my potential wife would decide to leave me one day for something that could be completely out of my control. Maybe she met someone else where she works. Maybe she's just tired of being around the same person every single day of her life. Maybe she just wants out for no reason at all.

    Am I getting ahead of myself with these crazy thoughts? Probably. Am I tarnishing the thought of having an awesome life married to some special and having a great family? Yes. But I can't help but think "what if?"

    My former co-worker who's 35 and is genuinely a nice guy, woke up one morning to learn that his wife left him and now they're divorced and he lost his house and a good portion of his paycheck to her (and her lawyer). A girl I currently work with whose husband was cheating on her with someone he met at work which resulted in a divorce. My aunt, who was married to the nicest guy you could ever meet and recently told me about their divorce.

    People you would never think would go through a divorce are. The trust is gone. It's not the people, it's society and the situation.

    I have a ton of respect for women but for the reasons mentioned above, I will never get married.

    This is what it has come to.

  • #2
    Some good points are presented, However, I think one would be a very lonely person to not have the opportunity or experience to be involved with someone else either by way of marriage or a common law relationship.

    Statistics demonstrate the 50% of all marriages indeed end in divorce so with such high probabilities why not enter into a prenuptial agreement in advance of the marriage or common law relationship rather than lose out on the relationship in itself.


    lv

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    • #3
      Your post is sure an eye opener..... and very apparent that you took your time in transcribing it to post. Yes divorce rates are high as well as common law relationship break downs but to loose out on something that could be wonderful due to fear of the unknown is a waste. As said before there are agreements that could be made up before cohabitation begins or getting married but what does that show the other person? .... no trust. Life is not fair and it is a gamble and it does not come with a guarantee. I know a lot of men that have never had children or gotten married or had their girlfriend's move into their home entirely for the same reasons you mentioned in your posts the men I am speaking about are in their late 40s and up. Yes they have their own home, yes they have no one to answer to but themselves, they can enjoy all the things they wish to obtain in life because no one has a strong hold on their income. When you sit down with one of these men they usually tell you that yes they enjoy their lives but that if they could do it all over again they would do it differently because they now see the things that they have missed out on in life. Please don't get me wrong you have a very strong case on why not take the plunge all I am saying is this is the other side of the coin.

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      • #4
        I wish I could go back 15 years.
        I think you represent the future. I think marriage is dead and is simply a legal means to rape you of wealth.
        Best to you finding happiness.

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        • #5
          OB1,
          I can't disagree with anything you've said but I am not as pessimistic as Banaschar.
          I was married for 32 years. What happened during that time was that the laws that governed me were gradually changed. I was oblivious to these changes. Frequently judges set new precedents that change the meaning of laws.
          The only way to avoid the risk is to write your own laws in a prenup. I would never remarry without one.
          I would now also have to have a strong reason to marry again. The first time around I did it because I was 26 and figured it was time. I found a woman who was attractive and who was attracted to me. That it turned out was not enough.
          Looks are important in finding a mate but they are not the only thing. You have to find someone you truly "click" with. If you do, the prenup shouldn't be a problem.

          FN

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          • #6
            One word....prenup.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by HatesCheaters View Post
              One word....prenup.
              In this day and age that is the best for everyone involved.

              I am on my second marriage (higher divorce rate for 2nd time) but am with a man who loves and respects me and he gets the same in return. I felt jaded also after my divorce and vowed never to get married again. We will be celebrating our 11 years of marriage this june and are more in love then when we first got married. There is an old saying "you have to kiss a lot of frogs to get your prince". I dated some nice guys but something wasn't right and of course I dated the "bad boys". Once I met my husband I knew that there was something about him.

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              • #8
                I now realize that a prenup is the best thing in the world. They're most important for the people who don't have tons of money and assets.

                Once it's drawn up and signed, it goes to the back of the sock drawer. If everything works out fine, you never look at it again. If things go south, then you have a lot of the hard stuff already done for you.

                Comment

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