I recived the verdict from the judge...now my lawyer seems to have backed off my case

[formydaughter67]

Hi everyone, (Part 1 of 4 posts...sorry)
I am new here..... I know this is long but to get all the details out for better tools on replies...

I have been in a shared parenting custody battle with my selfish ex for about 2 years.
I am doing this solely for my 6.5 year old daughter.

Common sense told me that having to loving caring and involved parents in a childs life was the best thing for a child.
This is based on the facts that:
- both parents are indeed good parents to the child(ren).
- That either or both parents are not abusive, mentally deranged, have an addiction etc
- That both of the parents want to be in their childs life in a meaningful and productive way that benefits the child and allows each parent the possibility to instill the best they have onto their children. I say this because I see so many Dads / Moms who I get the impression they could not care a less if they had their children a few times a month or not. So with them aside..the parents who want to be parents and in my case the Dads who from the very beginning were fully willing involved parents that jumped in to do whatever was needed for their children and that includes diapers, middle of the night wake ups etc... you get the point...

So for me I was a Dad that told his ex that I would be there from the moment of birth on as the best Dad possible. I have done that religiously.

A little about me and my Ex: (may exact dates may be off a bit but to my recollection...in case my ex's lawyer reads this and wants to twist the truth like he did viciously in trial...so this is my disclaimer)....

We met and the first 6 months was as expected...happy, blissful, lustful, like any new relationship... than the cracks started to appear around 8 - 9 months after meeting however at that early stage of the relationship, you really cannot foresee the future as you can in hindsight like I can now..... so in spite of the cracks forming we tried to work them out and figured it was a "getting to know each others likes/dislikes" and so we moved on in the relationship.

Than she moved in with me to my home that I bought around three years earlier all on my own. She paid some bills, I paid others including the mortgage and taxes. Things got worse and we were constantly fighting. All I heard over and over was how I keep letting her down...how could I do that to her, thanks so much you ruined my day or weekend etc etc. She was never quite concerned about my feelings or thoughts in all this... We could not go out with friends without getting into it. If it wasn't me upsetting her, it was her family, sister , friends business's she bought stuff at or got work done at.
Essentially the boiled down version here of her is that she was never responsible for her own actions. It was always someone else's fault. If it wasn't perfect than they deliberately did her wrong.
Even at our daughters Christening I had to endure hearing her complain about the fact that her sister wore jeans to the christening. Of course now she is best of friends with her sister and her sisters support evident when she was in court during our trial.
My ex would have a best friend and then piss them off and not speak for months. It was like being in grade school all over again for me.
This is a personality trait of my ex. Things she told me about from her high school days and on all point to the same personality. Again had I known then the knowledge I have now I would have run fast as I can. Hindsight is a bitch they say. She has major self esteem issues and these were there well before I got on the scene however today I am the sole blame for her self esteem I am told.

She was let go at her job because her supervisor felt she was suffering from anxiety and had mental illness's. She denied that in court saying her job was end dated and she received a lovely severance package... which means nothing. Any company wanting to get rid of an employee will give them a nice "now hush up and leave quietly" package.

Anyways she moved in after a year together, resided with me for around a 2 years than we both agreed that she move out and she bought a Condo. I helped her move, I helped her paint and repair stuff at the condo. As you can see we still remained amicable. And yes 3 - 4 time per year we would still be intimate. Consenting.... after she moved out and the expectation of plans to be together for ever were dispelled, our relationship was much more eased than when we were together as Boyfriend/ girlfriend. She never wanted to let go and in her mind didn't. Another mistake in hindsight yes...I should have cut all ties but again, we are human and we both were fine with the current set up at the time. I know we are not the only casuals out there.

So around April (6 months after she moved out) I had no idea that she had gone off the pill. Apparently now that we were not together she stopped taking them. I know she wanted kids as her time clock was ticking and she told my sister in law as a joke that she should just have a child and that would keep me and her (my ex) together once a child was in the picture. I only found about this after my daughter was conceived.

Around April 2005 my daughter was conceived. That opened up a storm of emotions and arguments etc... I wanted to be a Dad but a planned Dad and especially with a traditional married under one roof with someone I love kind of scenario... so I saw counseling and quickly got my head wrapped around the news. She said "I can just write you out of it". I said no way..I could not function day to day knowing I had a child out there somewhere. I said I will be a very involved Dad and be there for baby right from before birth. And I was. I did distance myself from here on advice of my counselor so as not to mislead that we were getting back together.

And for the most part I did that and that upset her horribly as she thought I should be there by her side all the time. I explained many times, we are not getting back together for the sake of the child. That never works we hear over and over and a toxic relationship as a couple would be a bad living environment for our child. I held that position and she built hate for me because of it. We had weak moments of course... she would make advances and I being weak I suppose would fall for them even though the guilt afterwards was heavy. I eventually dismissed her advances and again that really irritated her but from then on I stood my ground.

I would help her set up the baby's room, paint, crib, living room changes ...I did help out and I was helpful a lot however there was a couple times she was sick and I was out of town or in the middle of something and she expected me to be right at home waiting in case she needed me however my life was unable to stand still at beck and call. If we were together than of course I would be around to help non stop. I was around to speak to baby while she was pregnant and thankful that she allowed me to be.
Although when angry she would toss threats often about me not seeing baby, or allowed to be at the birth etc... she used out baby as a fighting tool regarding us and that was fundamentally wrong.

I attended all prenatal classes with my ex. I was amicable with her. I drove her to the hospital, stayed by her side and at the birth after all she was the Mommy to our child. I am a very forgiving and non confrontational person and have the ability to get above the crap for the sake of the better good. That I can say hence my ability to be there to support her all the way through.

The first few months I was in a cloud as a new Dad. I focused completely on our daughter. She took that as me using her to be with our daughter. Being truthful again...I was there for our daughter and not as mate to her and that was the truth which again built the hate and contempt she has for me. First 9 months I was either at her place with baby or her at mine with baby or either of our families. It was a strange time. Even though we were not together we were always around each other. I suppose she kept a fantasy ion her mind that we were together and she did. It was either be with my Ex and baby or not be with my daughter very often because they were inseparable. So I was with both.

Around 9 months she stopped breast feeding and I started taking my daughter on her own..just us two and round that time she wrote a letter stating that I would see my daughter every other weekend and one day a week...this was held very loosely at the beginning. She also stated that I pay $400.00 / month child support which I did without fail or disagreement.That was increased to table amounts the day legal proceedings commenced of course.

For 5 years I tried exhaustively to ask for more time with my daughter.... even an overnight was refused. She never budged an inch...no extra time. She had even gave our daughter her last name and I had no say in the matter with exception to her first and middle name which were mutually agreed. I was under the impression my last name would be used but to spite me she used hers. As her impression was this is my daughter, I make the major decisions. So after 5 years of attempts because I thought she would finally see what kind of amazing Dad I was and give in. She has by the way never ever once had a complaint about me being a better than great Dad, neither before the trial or during. I could find an army of people to argue that I was even if she did play that card.

She stated many time to me "It is not the quantity of the time, it's the quality of the time you have". Huh. I wonder if the tables were turned if she would still agree?

See post #2

[formydaughter67]

Post #2 of 4 Continued:

I wrote a nice last ditch effort letter and I complimented her on many things and said that our daughter needs each of us in her life equally...all the statistics and long term trials agree and it just is common sense for two parents that are great parents. She did not answer the letter and I received a letter from her lawyer. From there on the proceedings started.

Since in the courts I had to spend over $1000.00 in legal fees every Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas just to get reasonable time with our daughter. Before it was in court it was a painful struggle and she would have the last say and control.
Apparently as her Mom, it was not right that our daughter not wake up at her parents home Christmas morning and her take was my family celebrated Christmas on Boxing day anyway. Untrue, my side adopted that routine to accommodate my ex's families routine but she implied status quo to that.

Offers to settle from her included an overnight Wed. and overnight Sunday on my every other weekend. Ana one week of the 6 weeks of summer vacation with a condition that the week fall over one of my regular access weekends...so essentially she was agreeing to three days off her time. She is the epitome of selfish and vindictive. She has always even before our Childs birth never given anything without something equal or better in return. I witnessed this many times and not just involving me.

Obviously I declined her offers.

Despite the slim chances of acceptance, I wrote a truthful heartfelt letter along with my intake form to the OCL and managed to get the OCL on board for our daughter. I knew it could go either way and was risky but I trusted that in my heart the OCL would see the truth.

I will conclude that the OCL ruled 100% in my favour of a week about schedule. She even advised that my ex take her holidays while I was at my yearly trades shows the three weeks I am out of town each year. I though to myself wow..I would never go so far as to dictate to my ex when she take her holidays but that's because I am a kind soul. The OCL advisor said that frankly this case was a cake walk and that she was very surprised the OCL head office accepted the case. After all there are no police incidences, no abuse, no drugs or alcohol or other turmoil like she often sees. I said to her I would like to think it was my heartfelt letter and common sense logic as to why children need both parents in their lives with maximum contact.

I was with a lawyer for 1.75 years and two weeks or so before our trial date she advised me that she was pregnant and that the unborn child had complications and her doctor advised her to drop all her stress full cases. I got the call the Monday after her meeting earlier that week. I had given this lawyer $28,000.00 thus far and that was for the 4 conferences, letters and communication for three - four special holiday arguments between the clients, a trip to my city an hour away for the OCL findings and conclusion meeting, and another case conference she had to attend. So two , 2 hour both was trips. Anyway.... do you guys feel $28,000.00 is excessive for not even getting to trial yet?

So I am left scrambling for a new lawyer 2 weeks before trial. I was not looking to postpone trial because I was advised that the OCL report (an ace in my hand) may become outdated and a new one may need to be conducted as to much time would have passed and circumstances changed...as the opposing lawyer could argue. So I kept the date , found a lawyer and while he was doing his trips back and forth to his Florida Condo (I am in Southern Ontario Canada) he rushed the case together. I was shocked he still took off out of country as opposed to sitting with me getting up to speed and also maybe conversing with my first lawyer who was happy to relay her thoughts and stuff she felt pertinent. He ahs the paperwork that he took to Florida but very little brainstorming tool place. I was made to feel more like the passenger...sit back and I'll drive and tell you where I am going when I get there. This lawyer also sits as a judge in small claims court as well as family law.

So I take the stand...I get hammered by her lawyer. I was warned by two other lawyers after calling them to see if they would take my case soon after my first lawyer quit, and they said he was sneaky, unethical and to watch out for his tricks. Well he was all that and more. He twisted every truth into something no longer factual yet I was made to answer yes or no or the questions to facts twisted to where either answer I gave would have not been the truth in context. This was very frustrating for me. I was not looking to lie but yet found it fundamentally hard to answer a simple response when a truth was twisted and distorted from its real context of what really happened.

Then my Ex takes the stand.... putting it short... they played the "parents cannot communicate card and the father is a bully and emotional abuser card" so heavily it reeked so bad. The exaggerations were astounding and she lied so many times I was in disbelief. I was so scared of lying on the stand. I felt any lie would come out and make you look horrible yet she lied her bald face off. Every single answer to her lawyer was he bullied me and yelled at me always, I was afraid of him, we cannot communicate as its his way or nothing (when its the exact opposite in fact and I found this so heretic).
They brought up stuff from when she and I were together way before our daughters birth. We already know we were oil and water so what relevance does that have on the two of us as great parents? I was told keep it about the child...do not slander the other as this is about the best interest of the child yet they brought up 5 - 7 instances and than managed to paint a picture like this kind of stuff was the every day norm and continued right here to the current now.
Twice I lost my temper with my ex in 6.5 years, once when she went out of town on a Wed. my day while she knew I was on holidays and I had a day snowmobiling was my daughter planned and she leaves and does not even ask if I have plans...this happens a lot.... you would think on my only day of the week, she would ask me if I had plans but often she just leaves and says we will be back around 4pm.
She takes gate keeper to the ultimate heights believe me. So I said on drop off once my daughter went inside I said something to her to the effect of screwing up my day and she was recording it and asked me to repeat it... anyway they used this audio in court and said that this kind of stuff happens frequently. It happened twice in 6.5 years... out of the 6500 exchanges over the last 6.5 years, maybe 5 or 6 were not great. We are human. I person can be pushed sometimes. Otherwise I always bite my lip and leave with my feelings to myself. Thankful I am not with her to this day..that is what helps me deal with her. It's knowing my initial instinct to get out was correct. Seeing her now reinforces that to me. And I pity the next gent that gets tangled up with her.

I need to add her...that my lawyer allowed audio evidence I was asked to rush together for him because he never planned ahead with me...so a couple audio clips were used against me with deep impact because my lawyer decided to not preview them all before passing copies to my ex;s lawyer. How is that for a fumble?

So her lawyer danced around me when it came to dates and me remembering what I did two years ago on Easter with my daughter and where was Thanksgiving 4 years ago etc... I had no daytimer or calendars and I was messing up dates not on purpose but because I am bad with dates and rely always on my calendar and daytimer. This hurt my credibility as it made me look like I was being difficult. I was very nervous on the stand.

Her lawyer brought in these events from before our daughters birth.... exaggerated them out of fact and painted me as a socializing drinker that endangered my ex and our daughter implying that it happens currently. I can go a whole summer on a case of beer or two. I do not drink or smoke through the week and explained this while I was testifying first. So these things that were not put to me while I was on the stand I now had to sit back and listen to the crap our of context now.
Sure my lawyer stood up claiming Brooks and (some other case law name). It allows a person to get back on the stand to address the claims made that should have been pout to that person while they were on the stand as opposed to after. This is what made her lawyer sleazy and sneaky knowing going against law rules.

My lawyer advised against me going back on the stand because I did not do well the first time. I felt this was a huge mistake and by the judges findings see that I was right.

The judges ruling gave her sole custody. said that the child is thriving so why upset things. That the two parents cannot communicate and that (case law referred to here) a shared parenting arrangement will actually encourage the need for more discussion between parents (horsecrap) and that the father has drinking issues (WOW!!! I was a partier in my 20's and early 30's but as a co business owner with 6 employees, a daughter and in my mid 40's I suppose the courts do not concede that a person matures and changes a lot especially after becoming a Dad...at least for the most of us I think). This was brutal and presumptuous and proceed that the lies and deception of describing events from my 20's and 30's have great impact on a person now reformed, changed or not)!!

See Post #3

[formydaughter67]

Continued from post #2

The judge had it in for me pretty early on. It does not pay to be truthful and take the high road apparently I see...or maybe the semi retired (and he was) judge I had was so old school and likely not much a father himself that he drew the same archaic conclusion the courts have been following for decades.

Either way I lost horribly. My 8pm drops were reduced to 6pm. I last my Wed. mid week visitation whether intentional or a complete oversight of this old judge....now my midweek has become the mercy of my ex and her track record is nothing given with equal or more in return so I truly have lost any way you look at this aspect. They started using this in fact as a bargaining chip to get me to not go for a Appeal.
When my lawyer sent a letter to her lawyer mentioning that the judge overlooked my clients Wed. and can we revert to the 8pm drops they replied "I am confused, are you saying your client will forgo an appeal if he hest the Wed, and 8pm drops back"? I had my lawyer not respond. I saw that coming a mile away.

I did gain two non consecutive weeks summer access. And alternating special events , the three major ones...one that has my daughter waking up for the first time ever Christmas morning in 2013. Oh what a joy that will be for me. I am sure my ex is reeling from this alone. Also holidays is once. The last week solid I had with my daughter cost me $2000.00 to attain so I joked to friends I am paying $285.00 per day to spend with my little girl on holidays. That was the first vacation I was allowed to take with my daughter since birth last year!

I lost a lot though, for our daughters best interest I lost that horribly, emotionally and financially I will never be the same person again. A parent being awarded sole custody is non conducive to a great environment for kids to be around because the gatekeeper is always creating contempt for the other parent.
Also I am sure the judge being the idiot he has been will award full court costs so that will amount to $40,000.00 or more on top of my $48,000.00 I paid my lawyer to lose. Our trial went 13 days. mainly because her lawyer dragged all audio and forced us to listen to lots of stuff to exaggerate the points.

I will have paid around $120,000.00 after all this is done and that does not include appeals.

I make $72,000.00 a year so this will take the rest of my life to get back to break even if I ever do. I borrowed most of it from my current 5 year long loving relationship I am in now.


She is amazing. She sold her house, moved in with me and that's how she had the money otherwise I would have had to remortgage to finance this trial.

On that note, the judge also comment that I have had 4 relationships all that have ended after a year or three and that the pattern seems to be likely to repeat itself based on my track record. He implies that my girlfriend who has been in my and my daughters life since she was 1 year old and they get along so well, judge implies that even though I testified to a stable living environment for my daughter , that I was likely to not stay with my girlfriend.
Even after I claimed that as soon as this horrible trial is done, we would be getting engaged. Quite the gull he has considering that my ex has been single for the last 6.5 years and dated three times for a couple weeks or so to the best of my knowledge and who knows how she and the next guy will get along?
Besides my ex has been in a few failed relationships herself yet this is not relevant apparently to the judge. He is so one sided it is not funny.

Did I mention her lawyer managed to get the judge to agree that the OCL investigation was completely irrelevant and tossed out!!!
Two things.... apparently she asked my lawyer and my ex's to supply a document brief of some article or another??? Mine submitted and because my ex was changing lawyers (she changed lawyers three times in the two years) the lawyer she recently left did not forward a needed document and the OCL did not follow up and make sure they got it. So my ex's lawyer claimed that the OCL had offside evidence and that my ex was not fairly weighted in submitted evidence leading to a unfair OCL verdict.
Also the OCL gal testified that she goes into every situation with the pre notion that the child should be with each parent equally. She then looks for reasons why that may or may not be possible.
Seems logical to me...however this notion was crucified by my ex's lawyer. Apparently this was not the way it should be done! lastly my ex claimed that a lawyer she had at the time recommended that she not tear apart the father. That she stays focused on the child. And do not beat down the father. So she's says she did just that and said to the OCL that she has no concerns about me as a father. Which would be true anyway. But in trial she said she feels she should have told the OCL I was an abuser and bully and controlling. So that the investigator could investigate that. Which if she did she would find it to be false anyway.
There is one person controlling and that Is the black kettle aka my ex.

So there we are.

See Post #4 (final)

[formydaughter67]

Continued from Post #3

Where I am at now. I am trying to decide whether to appeal or not. Trouble is I feel my lawyer that I just paid a normal persons one year salary to , I feel he has pretty much backed out of the relationship. I have not relieved him yet he gave me back all the boxes of case trial paperwork.

The financial end of the trial which was broken up as a separate trial matter by an conference judge before trial, well the financial stuff is still looming over my head and now my lawyer keeps saying , give me instructions or how much money do you want to sink in going back and forth etc.

Before trial my ex's lawyer suggested that I may be hiding income as I was a co owner of a company so he felt that he should shed light to my trustworthiness even after submitting several personal financial statements. I did not render our companies year ends as we have shareholders and privacy to protect.
Besides I got my partner/ president to write a letter guaranteeing that my T4$ states the extent of my income and that our company has not other revenue source, dividends, or owns other assets than what I stated. Still her lawyer said I could be hiding something so a second trial was arranged to handle the financials separately.
At closing argument of the Custody part of trial her lawyer than said he was satisfied with what I submitted and they could deal with financials out of court.
So he used this to call to question my credibility and honesty.

Anyway my ex was making $55,000.00 per year for a few years and in 2011 lost her job, went on pogie, now she just started a job with her millionaire uncle (commercial real estate) as a receptionist part time at $25,500.00 per year. I am at $72,000.00 per year unchanged for the most part for the last 5 years.

Her lawyer is claiming table CS which is fine.
He also is claiming that I pay 75% of Section 7 and she 25% due to the current salary ratios.

Also they are claiming that a $210,000.00 life insurance policy that has my Dad as beneficiary be turned over to my ex as the beneficiary in trust for our daughter. My ex's first lawyer asked for this so late last year I changed my policies.
I first lowered the amount to where the Ins. agent felt that it was sufficient to cover my daughter from the age she is at now to the age she would be considered adult. So it lowered from 210k to around 120K. I have listed my daughter as the beneficiary with my father in trust as I do not trust my liar of an ex as the person in trust.

1) I was told this is perfectly legal and satisfies the overall intention of my ex and her lawyer.
Am I correct????

2) Can I have my daughter set as beneficiary with my Dad in trust vs my Ex?

Her lawyer has written and suggested in the letter two days ago that since this has been in trial that the fathers family now shuns the mother and so if I was to pass away, leaving the mother to deal with my daughters grandfather is suggested that she would have a hard time doing so.

3) What validity legally is there to his and her argument? My father will look out for the best interest of his granddaughter that is a fact.
Any comments or first hand experience here guys?

4) Also am I not legally or equally entitled to ensure that my ex take out a policy as well for the same amount and confirming Ava as beneficiary even if one of her family remain the person in trust? So that if she kicks off I have the policy to help cover our daughters needs growing up?

Any opinions or knowledge here?


5) So now how would you guys deal with your lawyer if he seems to have backed off advising and giving what I feel is vital direction as to hop the law works, what steps should I take in the right order and so on as to not screw myself any further here for me and my daughters sake. I feel it is like a hand of cards...lay the right cards in the right order or trouble...

6) Should section 7 not go more from my ex's previous three years income rather than the stated non proven income of $25,500.00 form a job she just started part time in July 2012?

I have not even seen check stubs or nothing and working for her rich uncle provides lots of latitude when it comes to stating income, hours of work done, hours available etc.... frankly it stinks of high heaven.

7) She filed an incorrect financial return just before trial. I have yet to see this corrected. Should my lawyer not be thinking of these things?

8) Also should my lawyer that I just paid $48,000.00 to for the 13 day trial and prep be going through the judgment and transcripts and let me know the things he see's as errors in law and the sort?

He did tell me he does not appeal his own cases and feels a fresh set of eyes is best for appeals of his clients. But should he not at least give me some meat to chew on to help me see if an appeal is a stupid move or plausible? At this point he has stated that he would not appeal. Due to the chances of getting accepted (5%) and the cost involved. Surely he could find errors he or the other lawyer made and allow me better comprehensive detail rather than "I would not appeal".

9) I have spoke with my lawyer and said can we bargain with my ex and say I want Wed. and Sunday overnights, 8pm drop off's again, and assurance that they would not accept nor seek court costs in excess of $10,000.00. He felt that the last line was laughable and they would never go for that.
That she would go for everything the judge awarded and don't pretend she wont.
Fact is he is correct but my point is would the risk of me appealing and getting it be worth keeping my suggestions above and agreeing to them?

She is not hurting financially. Her father passed away last year after selling off lots he owned over a million dollars. There is two daughters in the family and they have a multi millionaire uncle who by the way attended trial a few days.
So she is not hurting for money however she is very greedy and selfish as I mentioned. And evil.

My lawyer simply says put something together and I will forward it. It seems he has my money now so his heart is out of it if it was really in it all that much at all.

My girlfriend and I thought my lat lawyer was not that great and she wasn't but she was better than my current lawyer. And as much as I hate the sleazy guy, my ex's lawyer is better than both of mine combined. he thinks on his feet and knows all the tricks and how to skirt the law and twist the truth and bury his opponents with every little detail...and detail missed. This is everything my lawyer barely did. That is why I lost plain and simple... I held the line of truth, she did not and her lawyer coached her well to this regard. He was a tricky sleazy lawyer that touched every detail and missed none , mine did not.

So to my last few questions guys in blue...what would your thoughts be?

I apologize for the length of this but figured to get all the details out so that anyone's opinion would be based on better knowledge. If I missed anything (lol) ask me.

Thanks so much and great forum.

[formydaughter67]

Replies, advice, comments welcome.

[Tayken]

Based on the length of your post it is hard to respond to any one thing really. Thank-you for the full and frank disclosure to your situation.

By any chance is your matter posted on CanLII.org? Considering the amount of details placed here on the site it sounds like it was a rather lengthy decision and a trial of this length generally gets a posted decision.

It would be great if one could cross reference your comments to the actual publicly posted decision on the matter.

[Tayken]

Also, give this publicly posted decision a read and see how you comparied to the self represented litigant in this matter. This is major case law and is the complete opposite to your situation you are describing.

Izyuk v. Bilousov, 2011 ONSC 6451 (CanLII)
Date: 2011-11-09
Docket: F-2172/09
URL: CanLII - 2011 ONSC 6451 (CanLII)
Citation: Izyuk v. Bilousov, 2011 ONSC 6451 (CanLII)

[hadenough]

Wow that was long. 13 days of Trial?? Consecutively??

You do know appeals are very costly and yes, you know there has to be errors in the law applied etc. You also realize that appeals must be filed within 30 days, right?

I know what kind of lawyer you are describing, when you describe your ex's. You are fortunate to have a partner in your life who has supported you like this.

Other members will have more to offer by way of suggestions. I'm not sure what to tell you. My ex also lied his ass off during court/trial. But he didn't get away with it. You are in between a rock and a hard place, no question about it.

[hadenough]

OP: read above case law end to end and any/all others that Tayken suggests to you. PS: please put *shorter* paragraphs in your long threads/replies. It's a lot easier for people to read. Thx

[formydaughter67]

Thanks Tayken and hadenough... I appreciate the feedback. Yes it was so long and I thought do I leave most of it out but wanted to give a complete scenario of events.
Sure there is still lots of details missing but I can fill in as requested.
@Tayken...I will ask my current lawyer if this is going to CanLII. Can I request that he does it or does the courts decide if they will enter it or not? Who generally makes the decision or request??

@Hadenough... yes 13 days consecutive. There was a Friday and a weekend off within the 13 days. It was grueling. I froze up literally tongue tied a couple times while on the stand. Like a deer in headlights. It is not fun!

I did get a PM of a lawyer that was recommend. Thanks!!! Any other appeal lawyers proven to be shit hot would be welcome. I will be calling this person today to set an appt. to consult. I know my time is running out.

[formydaughter67]

Has anyone ever been successful with meeting with their ex and lawyer after a judgment has been implemented and sort of mediate a better scenario otherwise you would take it to Appeal court?

Or is that far fetched? Am I even allowed to request a meeting with my Ex and her lawyer to say " I am looking to make changes to the judges decision.

Extend the 6pm drops overnight and re-instate the Wed. at 3:30 pm to also an overnight and agree to forgo awarded court costs.
And I will agree not to appeal. I would also request 2 days mid week every other week sort of thing.

Has anyone ever done anything along these lines and been successful? Or is it not allowed to have both parties agree to changing a judges order?

[sahibjee]

i am not sure what exactly you want to appeal,

is it the custody part? simply based on the time that has passed i can tell you even though it may be unfair, you are likely to lose the appeal as well. i would not do it. most judges in family law system (with the few exception such as above caselaw) see status quo as a verdict from God, and in your case it has lasted 6.5 years! i dont think any judge will change that.

if you plan to appeal the wednesday drop offs, i can see the judge screwed up but i would say try to settle it out of court.

I hope you did get the costs for the second trial on financial since it was the other party backing out.

[formydaughter67]

Hi Sahibjee,
The court separated the financial part from the custody part of the trial. I cannot quite recall the reason but it had to do with the suggestion by my ex's lawyer that I had the opportunity to withhold and hide some of my income. they said they had to investigate whether my and my brothers small company owned any other investments that I was to profit from or dividends etc. This was all a witch hunt but that's why it was separated.

So at the closing argument for the custody part I eventually lost, the two lawyers agreed that they would not need to go to trial for the financial part and that this could be worked out by letters back and forth. If an agreement could not be reached that way then a court date would need to be set for the financial s. So far I received my ex's demands with respect to financial s last Friday and I have not yet responded.

So:
1) are you still suggesting I have court costs that can be awarded to me? If so from where? The custody side of the 13 day trial?

2) Do you know how long I have to respond? My current lawyer seems to have abandoned me to some degree and simply texts me "tell me what you want me to write to your ex's lawyer" or something to that effect.

3) I know a lot of time has passed and my sweetie is 6.5 yrs old now. I am very non- confrontational and kind hearted and I have been asking for years and tried with my Ex hoping one day she would give in and no she never has. So one year rolls into the next... I try to not rock the boat.

Around special holidays the fights flare up because she gives her daughter the leftovers with her Dad. Never do I have Christmas morning with my daughter except for a couple rushed hours and only after her family is done so around lunch or 11AM...

Then the long stretches between special holidays things calm down and time passes uneventful. I know it is my fault for not acting sooner. I wish I had more friends divorced or single with kids. I might have got friend advice much sooner. It just happens all my friends are still together.

My first week of holidays happened last year after a interim judgment. And even then she demanded that it be over one of my regular access weekends so she would only lose 3 days. She claims that it would be too stressful for our daughter being w/out her Mom for a solid week.

Yet she has no trouble leaving her with me a week when she and her Mom head to Florida for a week to her rich uncles condo. Albeit her Dad passed away weeks earlier and that was saddening , it is still her history to change the rules when it suits her. I get overnights when she has a concert to go to or a party out of town or a work conference. Yet I am denied overnights any other time. Typical. I bit my tongue.


@ Mess... I called the office. She was in a month trial and her partner said she would talk to her. I am doubtful that she or her office will have time to take my case? Any other amazing lawyers in appeals that anyone can PM me?
It's too bad because the lawyer you recommend Mess sounded amazing. She won Family lawyer of the year in Jan.2012. Hence why she is so busy I suppose.

I would love to ask the opinion of a certain Appeal lawyer here to see if anyone has dealt with him and what they think of him but I guess that I am unable to do that.... too bad. I have had no luck cold calling lawyers and they often show well in a consultation but it is at trial that their true colors shine.

[Rioe]

I have had no luck cold calling lawyers and they often show well in a consultation but it is at trial that their true colors shine.

Depending on your work schedule of course, you might find it useful to attend other people's trials, to see their lawyers in action. When you see any you like get the name and look them up!

Kind of like auditioning them.

[hadenough]

And/or search lawyers on CanLII