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  • One side is bringing lawyer to mediation

    The STBX and I have been separated for a few years now. There have been major changes and I have been caring for the children full-time for a while now while he deals with criminal charges and addictions.

    There is a case conference scheduled. We both hope to cancel if we reach an agreement through mediation. We don't agree on cs, he hasn't paid anything. The other issue is that he wants to go directly to 50/50 custody and I feels that we should gradually add days as his situation improves.

    We scheduled mediation and when I received the information from the mediator it said that he was bringing his lawyer. So it will be the mediator, myself and the STBX with lawyer.

    I voiced my concern to the STBX. I don't feel comfortable and it was not my perception of mediation. I suggested that if we do not come to an agreement that his lawyer withdraw from further proceedings. STBX did not agree to that at all.

    Wondering if anyone else has ever been in this situation? Can it work? Am I just putting myself in a volunerable position for the lawyer to gain advantage of my emotional side/ weak spots? How would it look to the courts if I refused to go? It is a clause of our SA. I want this settled and I want mediation but I think we should be on the same playing field. Am I making more out of this than I should?

  • #2
    It is extremely unusual for a lawyer to be present at mediation (expect when the lawyer is the mediator).

    It may indicate that he is bringing his lawyer; that does not necessarily mena his lawyer will be a party to the meeting, only that he would be available for legal advice during your negotiations (some people need the support I guess).

    Having his lawyer present is not necessarily a bad thing; it well could be to your benefit.

    However, it would be a conflict of interest should his lawyer continue to represent him if the lawyer was present during negotiations. It would be similar to the collaborative law process in the sense that if there is an impasse the lawyers have to step down.

    You need to contact the mediator for clarification respecting the meeting, not the ex, before you decide to proceed.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by mom2three View Post
      You need to contact the mediator for clarification respecting the meeting, not the ex, before you decide to proceed.
      I have been in contact with the mediator office. Her assistant said that the mediator has to contact the STBX's lawyer to see if they were ok with her talking to me before the mediation. Again, I was under the impression that the mediator speaks to both of us previous to the session. Why does she need the STBX's lawyer approval?

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      • #4
        This is because the mediator has to remain neutral and normally does not speak to the parties prior the mediation.


        There is no issue having his lawyer at he mediation as this is his rights to do so. He also has to pay for his lawyer time and yes he will have the advantage of having his lawyer support and recommendation during the mediation.

        I have been through mediation where we both had our lawyers and we continued having the same lawyers representing us afterwards. There is not issue there.

        Remember mediation is voluntary and at anytime if you feel this is not reasonnable or not going anywhere, you have the right to walk out. Mediator can not force any agreement and if you come to an agreement make sure to read the transcribe of the mediator prior signing.

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        • #5
          I'm not saying anything against you, but I suspect your ex is feeling vulnerable. His situation does not look good on him and he knows this. You have more power in this situation than he does.

          His lawyer is there to make sure he doesn't screw up, basicly. If he didn't have that back up, he probably wouldn't want to go to mediation. If you are concerned the lawyer is there to bully you or push you into something, that is what the mediator is there to prevent.

          Your ex is probably worried about easing into 50/50 because it gives you the power. You could change your mind at any time. You already have the children. I'm not saying you would do this, I am saying he is feeling this fear.

          I am sure that there are other power dynamics involved where you have to protect yourself. I am not saying this is one sided. But your description of the situation is of two people with wildly different perspectives.

          I would STONGLY advise you to move forward with the case conference asap, even if mediation goes well. You need to have a case conference in order to file motions. Unless a binding agreement is signed, either party may back out at the last minute; my ex plays lots of these games. Having the case conference means either side can file a motion if negotiations suddenly fail.

          Comment


          • #6
            Thank you so much for all your great advise. I am going through with the mediation.

            I spoke to the mediator and she brought up some good points that eased some of my concerns. One being that the laywer has to this point only heard his side and his perception of me.

            I really hope that we can come to an agreement. This is exhausting and I'm not much for being in limbo.

            Once again I can't thank you guys enough for your perspectives they are very helpful.

            Comment

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