My partner has found himself in an escalating situation with his 19 yo. Im wondering if anyone here has been through this, successes, and how you handled it.
His D19 is going to university in the fall and over the last six months has begun to realize how expensive it is. And how much of a responsibility she has in it. This has created friction because of how she sees how the divorce shook down. Which is "you took all moms money so you should give it back to pay for my schooling". And also "my life is crappy because I have to work all the time and its all your fault".
He explained to me that his ex didnt see equalization as fair. They didnt make it through one mediation because she felt he wasnt entitled to anything. Shes never agreed with the equalization including being told by a judge in court shes wrong. So the one child shares this (her comments mirror emails and phone convos he has with ex). The ex thinks because she had the higher paying full time job he contributed nothing. Ignore the salary he contributed, home renovations, yard work, cleaning, taking care of kids when he was not on a contract...
He has approached this many ways: its none of childs business, its the law, its between mom and dad, ignoring the comments, trying to explain to her that he invested a large chunk of the settlement to pay for education, etc. Nothing he says is getting through to her. Its caused alienation and a very strong sense of anger between the two. he loves her so much and he struggles with how to rebuild the relationship.
How does a parent talk to their kids about this? Does he recommend learning about the law? Is it a lost cause? Is this just a case of alienation that he has to muddle through? Maybe once shes away from home she'll be a bit more reasonable? Possibly its just that know it all teen attitude? They spent an hour fighting last night while he tried to discuss the issue maturely. She screamed at him while he tried to get a word in in between. Its so sad to see this break down between them. He says he doesnt recognize her anymore.
His D19 is going to university in the fall and over the last six months has begun to realize how expensive it is. And how much of a responsibility she has in it. This has created friction because of how she sees how the divorce shook down. Which is "you took all moms money so you should give it back to pay for my schooling". And also "my life is crappy because I have to work all the time and its all your fault".
He explained to me that his ex didnt see equalization as fair. They didnt make it through one mediation because she felt he wasnt entitled to anything. Shes never agreed with the equalization including being told by a judge in court shes wrong. So the one child shares this (her comments mirror emails and phone convos he has with ex). The ex thinks because she had the higher paying full time job he contributed nothing. Ignore the salary he contributed, home renovations, yard work, cleaning, taking care of kids when he was not on a contract...
He has approached this many ways: its none of childs business, its the law, its between mom and dad, ignoring the comments, trying to explain to her that he invested a large chunk of the settlement to pay for education, etc. Nothing he says is getting through to her. Its caused alienation and a very strong sense of anger between the two. he loves her so much and he struggles with how to rebuild the relationship.
How does a parent talk to their kids about this? Does he recommend learning about the law? Is it a lost cause? Is this just a case of alienation that he has to muddle through? Maybe once shes away from home she'll be a bit more reasonable? Possibly its just that know it all teen attitude? They spent an hour fighting last night while he tried to discuss the issue maturely. She screamed at him while he tried to get a word in in between. Its so sad to see this break down between them. He says he doesnt recognize her anymore.
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