Making an important decision

[Mum22]

I am newly divorced but separated for one year. We have two kids (8 and 3) who reside with me. My ex has the children every other weekend and two nights though the week for dinner/visit.
Approximately 6 months ago I received a call from FACS that my oldest had told her teacher that my ex was being too rough with her little brother and was hitting him and slamming him on the floor when changing his diaper because he wasn't toilet training easily. FACS was involved for a few months insisting that my ex receive some anger management classes and also making it clear to him that he was not allowed to lay a hand on either child in disciplining them. Access was never changed during this time period as he was remorseful and seeking the help necessary (anger mang. classes). FACS closed the file.
Since then things have been ok until recently. My daughter says he is hitting her now. She told me three very detailed situations in which she was slapped on the leg, hit in the back of the head, and her arms squeezed so tightly she thought "they would fall off". He also yells at her until his nose touches her and he is yelling into her face. I do believe her as these are the types of things he used to do to her when we where together - a large reason for our separation. The last episode happened in a restaurant and she expressed she was embarrassed and humiliated.
I am unsure what I should do - my options as I see them: call FACS and report him, call him myself and let him know that I know and want it to stop immediately or I will get a third party involved.
I don't want to withdrawal access - the children love their father and he is a good father - just has major issues with discipline.
What is the right thing to do?

[billiechic]

He is NOT a good father if he can't control his anger and frustration with children. We all "lose it" sometimes, but this is not normal. It's up to you whether you talk to him, or to the authorities, but you MUST deal with this for your kids. Your daughter told you because she needed help.

DId you talk to him about it when married? What was his response? Will he listen now?

I'm reponding to this because I sympathize. My husband is very angry too, and I have been given this advice myself; just passing it along. I must stress that if you let this go unreported CAS could assume you were ok with it.

[Mum22]

Thanks, I really need to hear someone else's point of view on this one. When we were together he always denied hurting them saying "oh, I hardly touched her!" or something along that line. Early in our separation while seeking marriage counseling he said he hit the kids because I was a terrible wife and if I was better to him he wouldn't be so stressed. After the separation when FACS got involved he said he was hitting because he was stressed with the separation and buying a new house with his girlfriend (wonder if she makes him hit too??).
He has hired a new lawyer in a past month as he wants to establish week on week off physical custody. I am hoping this last "episode" can finally put that to rest and he will see too that more time with the kids will be more times he will have to discipline them and that he is unable to.

[standing on the sidelines]

typical abuser excuses. if you were a better wife, if I wasn't under so much stress etc etc. They never say that they lost control. It is always the situation or some one elses fault, never them.

He still needs anger management and maybe parenting classes to learn how to properly discipline the kids.

[nikitaforce]

BE A MOTHER AND PROTECT THOSE CHILDREN!! Abuse is abuse is abuse!! Hitting children is against the law!!! And anyone listening to this has an obligation to report him! I am surprised you would even question this on here!

[billm]

How do you dicipline the children? Have you ever grabbed them?

[standing on the sidelines]

BE A MOTHER AND PROTECT THOSE CHILDREN!! Abuse is abuse is abuse!! Hitting children is against the law!!! And anyone listening to this has an obligation to report him! I am surprised you would even question this on here!

spanking is not against the law.

[billiechic]

How do you dicipline the children? Have you ever grabbed them?

BillM can you please clarify WHY you are asking this? It is unclear if you are sarcastically asking the poster if she has ever been unable to control her frustrations with the kids (and implying that the father is not doing anything worng). Or are you genuinely asking to get her to think?

If I was the poster and trying to respond to that question I wouldn't know what your post meant.

[nikitaforce]

[QUOTE=Mum22;25762]Approximately 6 months ago I received a call from FACS that my oldest had told her teacher that my ex was being too rough with her little brother and was hitting him and slamming him on the floor when changing his diaper because he wasn't toilet training easily.

Slamming a child to the floor and hitting a child is different than spanking and everyone's definition of spanking can vary...CAS would not consider this "spanking"