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  • Custodial parent moving to uk,wants to take child?

    Hello:

    I have been the sole custodian of my 11 yr old daughter for 5 yrs. Her father lives 1.5 hours away. He sees her 4 days a month and 2 wks in the summer( 9 wks a year total).
    My husband has a huge promotion to London, UK to Lieutenant Commander working for Nato, HQ. This is a 1 yr post. We have a son together. I am a stay at home mom and will continue to be that if I get to move to London with him and the kids. My ex does not want me to take her ( I totally and not COLD HEARTED and I understand why ) but, this is my new husband's career and we'll always be on the move, Ottawa for few yrs then Victoria then retirement. I know my ex loves his daughter but when it gets down to the nitty gritty. I've never missed a parent teacher in 5 yrs and he's never made it to even one of them. She sees her grandparents and extended family about 2-3 times a yr. They all live away from us. I have proposed to him that we'll pay for all flights and he can still see her 9 wks out of the year, this will mean mostly all summer, xmass, march break, etc this is also the time she will visit with her grandparents. Also, web cam, calls, etc. He has lived 1.5 hours away and has never made it up on his extra days off during the month. I have allowed more access and he's not taken it. yes it's far but he can make it up to coach his hockey games, etc. and travel for that! He works shift work 12 hours rotation 6am-6pm and then 6pm-6am. Since he is the head coach for hockey he is gone a lot the nights he is off and she if left with his fiancee or her older kids to babysit my daughter.
    I think this move is great for her to experience a new culture, the world, have full access to me since i'm 100% available. She will still see her dad the same amount of time just scheduled differently.
    My daughter has a strong relationship with her step dad and our 4 yr old son. We have a strong family , non-drinkers, logical, no hidden secret parents..

    My ex is going to try to stop me from taking her. What are my odds? If I don't take her to the UK then I will only have to take her in another 18 months to Ottawa. Either way she is going to have to get used to seeing him via summers and holidays. I will not give up custody of her to him. That means that the courts either make me stay but that will also mean I'll have to stay for many years away from my current husband while he gets posted. Is that also realistic to ask that he be away from us and his son while he finished off his naval career? Is it realistic for us as a family to be apart for many years, won't that eventually do damage to our family? If I provide the same access to her dad and keep her standard of living high and quality and love, shouldn't that give me a chance?

  • #2
    You and your husbands needs don't count here, the child's does, and the maintaining of the relationship with the parent will carry considerable weight.

    You are being very reasonable as to offering to pay for the flights, maintaining the access schedule web cams, etc.

    The imminence of a lot of moving around to come does appear to be good for the child.

    Mobility cases are very diffcult and I expect highly unique. Do a search on mobility cases in this forum, on CanLII especially.

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    • #3
      Thank you

      Ye, my daughter's needs come first. You are 100% correct. I really want to keep their relationship alive. I want her still have the same amount of communication with her dad. I wish we could stay and that we did not have to move. I really do!! Reality and life moves forward and we , as a family, have to move along with it. I will take your advice and do some more research on this site.

      Right now we've just finished supper and we're going for ice cream!

      J

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      • #4
        I agree with Dadtotheend, the mobility is going to weigh heavy on your case,
        and there is a slim possibility that a judge may change custody to the stable parent, IE the parent that is not mobile and does not travel place to place.

        Sure alot of military families do it, but both parents tend to be together to offer some level of stability to the child(ren).

        You also need to seriously consider that a young teen will want to stay near friends, and I know that's not a priority for most, but as a teen developing themselves etc, they may need a stable non-mobile home.

        Offering to pay flights and having a web cam of course helps you tremendously, but given the very uniqueness of your case, I think you have to play your hand and hope you maintain custody and the offer to cover travel costs is ordered. I have seen situations were a move of a child was not allowed for less and under less favourable offers of covering travel costs, because the child deserves the right to both parents, not just the custodial parent, and that is not possible to the same extent when one parent moves so far away and so often.

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        • #5
          Thank you

          Let's just say I'm going in this figuring we'll have to do IR. IR postings mean ( hubby goes and family stays behind ). If it works out in our favor great but I am preparing myself for the worst. Trust me, I know there is no winner here. I'f I"m forced to stay I will, I am ( no offence to her dad ) the better parent for her , to the point I will stay behind with her. If the courts allow her to come then great but I now feel sad for her dad. If the courts insist I stay, I shall!! But now my life is turned upside down and our son does not see his father. No winners !!

          Thank you for the advice. I am crossing my t's and dotting my i's and I will be letting you know what has happened. I am waiting for a court date, the clock is ticking. We had only 12 wks notice on this move ( typical military posting ) We did not see this coming! Wow, great promotion but at what cost!!!!

          thanks again,

          J

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          • #6
            What's really sad is that you can't come to an agreement without having to go to court.

            Don't get me wrong, I've been there.

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            • #7
              Yes, we've spent countless hours trying to talk it out, then getting angry, then crying then trying to talk sensible. I'll be honest, I feel horrible about the situation and If the situation was reversed I'd probably feel and act the same. Now were just not speaking and my lawyer should have the affidavit mailed to him next week.
              I even proposed to maybe stay here for the yr that my hubby is posted to London as long as he did not fight the Ottawa move. He just wants us to stay apart for the next few yrs and I don't know how many relationships can handle that at the best of times.

              J

              Comment

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