Hello everyone,I'm new here am I'm so glad I've found this forum.
Pardon my dramatic title,but desperate about sums it up and I would sincerely appreciate any insight or advice. Here goes...
I have two children with my ex,aged fifteen and thirteen. We were never married and we separated over a decade ago. Since that time,a custody order was never issued and in general (though not without problems),we were able to share the children,living nearby each other. There has never been any support arrangements either,we shared the cost of their needs.
Some of the problems at that time included my ex belittling the kids,and kicking them out of his house during his time with them. Other times,he was fantastic to them,and always had money to buy them anything they desired.There is much more to say,but I'll try not to get into that just yet.
Last summer,myself and my fiance were offered a large house to live and jobs in Alberta,a situation much better than the one we had in Ontario. Our city was and is becoming progressively worse,and very unsafe for the kids. At that time,my ex hadn't spoken to the kids in over a month,he would not answer the phone,and we decided to go. We left November 1st.
Long story short,my ex had a fit when he found out we were leaving. He has disowned our fifteen year old daughter (told her to change her last name,etc.),and guilted my son into staying with him. Here is where I made a huge mistake,and I know this. I didn't want to leave him there,but my son (who's thirteen) said he wanted to finish his school year,and was being spoiled rotten by his Dad. Plus,I felt that he was old enough to make his own choice and idn't want to force him to go. I went back in February to visit him,and he said all well. He said he'd still like to come to me this summer. Because my ex was so mad,I had to sneak around to visit him,and was kicked out of the house when I went to his door. Even these days,I am not allowed to call the house,my son has to call me collect (my ex said he wants to ensure that the phone calls cost me $$.
I spoke to my son the other night,and he has dramatically changed in the last while. He told me that he isn't okay (and I admit that I knew this). He is depressed,has no friends whatsoever,is being bullied at school and his Dad has been emotionally abusing him more than ever. He desperately wants to come and live with me. He says that he has been telling me he's okay so that I wouldn't worry but he actually cried on the phone,which he doesn't ever do,my heart is broken. I live in a very small town so access to legal support is very difficult,not to mention that I can't afford it if I could.
I want to put him on a plane TODAY,but I'm afraid of the consequences,but more afraid of leaving him there any longer. My ex can be completely fine one minute,then blow up the next,it's like walking on eggshells around him. He has threatened legal action a thousand times,but never went through with it. Thank you for reading,I'll end this here for now.
My question is,what would you do? And do you know whether or not I could get in major hot water if I take him? My ex won't allow my son any contact with his own family or mine,I have many who could attest to his behaviour over the years.
Thank you in advance for your time.
Pardon my dramatic title,but desperate about sums it up and I would sincerely appreciate any insight or advice. Here goes...
I have two children with my ex,aged fifteen and thirteen. We were never married and we separated over a decade ago. Since that time,a custody order was never issued and in general (though not without problems),we were able to share the children,living nearby each other. There has never been any support arrangements either,we shared the cost of their needs.
Some of the problems at that time included my ex belittling the kids,and kicking them out of his house during his time with them. Other times,he was fantastic to them,and always had money to buy them anything they desired.There is much more to say,but I'll try not to get into that just yet.
Last summer,myself and my fiance were offered a large house to live and jobs in Alberta,a situation much better than the one we had in Ontario. Our city was and is becoming progressively worse,and very unsafe for the kids. At that time,my ex hadn't spoken to the kids in over a month,he would not answer the phone,and we decided to go. We left November 1st.
Long story short,my ex had a fit when he found out we were leaving. He has disowned our fifteen year old daughter (told her to change her last name,etc.),and guilted my son into staying with him. Here is where I made a huge mistake,and I know this. I didn't want to leave him there,but my son (who's thirteen) said he wanted to finish his school year,and was being spoiled rotten by his Dad. Plus,I felt that he was old enough to make his own choice and idn't want to force him to go. I went back in February to visit him,and he said all well. He said he'd still like to come to me this summer. Because my ex was so mad,I had to sneak around to visit him,and was kicked out of the house when I went to his door. Even these days,I am not allowed to call the house,my son has to call me collect (my ex said he wants to ensure that the phone calls cost me $$.
I spoke to my son the other night,and he has dramatically changed in the last while. He told me that he isn't okay (and I admit that I knew this). He is depressed,has no friends whatsoever,is being bullied at school and his Dad has been emotionally abusing him more than ever. He desperately wants to come and live with me. He says that he has been telling me he's okay so that I wouldn't worry but he actually cried on the phone,which he doesn't ever do,my heart is broken. I live in a very small town so access to legal support is very difficult,not to mention that I can't afford it if I could.
I want to put him on a plane TODAY,but I'm afraid of the consequences,but more afraid of leaving him there any longer. My ex can be completely fine one minute,then blow up the next,it's like walking on eggshells around him. He has threatened legal action a thousand times,but never went through with it. Thank you for reading,I'll end this here for now.
My question is,what would you do? And do you know whether or not I could get in major hot water if I take him? My ex won't allow my son any contact with his own family or mine,I have many who could attest to his behaviour over the years.
Thank you in advance for your time.
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