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  • #61
    Yes. Very good read indeed.

    OCL has been acting in a professionally inappropriate fashion for sure. Didn't follow policies/procedures. Came in a detective, a judge .. definitely not an assessor. I conduct behavioral analysis as well. She presented as a woman who had experienced abuse herself.

    Theres an LAO lawyer not doing his job and an OCL not doing her's. And the child pays for this the most. Family law disgusts me.

    Comment


    • #62
      Some Highlights of Arabians article:
      http://www.devrylaw.ca/allegations-o...ave-separated/

      "Testimony from various mental health professionals, social workers and assessors is often very important in these cases. However, their testimony is by no means determinative. In cases that are most likely to be litigated, professionals and experts may disagree about whether abuse occurred"


      Oh Great. This doesn't sound good:

      Interim Access

      It is apparent from the reported case law that when there is an allegation of abuse, especially sexual abuse, most judges will tend to “err on the side of caution” after the allegation is made and pending a full hearing in determining interim access.(20) At this interim stage there is little opportunity for the accused parent to challenge the allegation.

      This either:


      Interim hearings are generally decided on the basis of affidavits from parents and any investigators or others who have been involved in the case. It is difficult for an alleged abuser to challenge the validity of an accusation at this stage.

      "A unfounded allegation may also arise from a misunderstanding about innocent conduct, such as parental nudity or bathing with a young child."


      "When professionals demonstrate the most obvious and serious professional bias and incompetence, they may face civil liability for their negligence. A few such cases are discussed below. More commonly, their involvement does not entail civil liability, but it causes needless anguish and expense to the family."

      There are, however, some professionals who may have their own psychological or political “agendas.” They become inappropriately “enmeshed” in their clients’ lives.

      Some research suggests that mental health professionals have considerable difficulty in reliably assessing whether young children have been sexually abused based on observing an interview of a “disclosure.” (64)

      CAS Vs. OCL:

      In some cases there are divergent expert opinions about whether abuse occurred and the judge must decide which expert opinion to follow. Occasionally, counsel may be able to persuade a judge to discount one opinion on the basis of a lack of expertise with child sexual abuse assessments, or because the professional has been involved in a therapeutic relationship with one parent and hence is not in a position to present an unbiased position about whether or not the child has been abused.(65

      In some cases the bias of an assessor or investigator may be apparent from the manner in which the professional became “allied” with one parent (often the accusing parent who is usually the first person to get in contact with an investigator) and the unfair or unprofessional treatment afforded the other parent (often the accused parent).(66)

      In some cases the judge must assess the methodology of each of the experts. For example in K.M.W. v. D.D.W.,

      The psychologist, who had initially been selected with the consent of both parties, asked the child leading questions about the disclosure and relied on his interpretation of the child’s play with anatomically correct dolls to come to his conclusion that abuse had occurred. The psychologist ignored the fact that the child also reported that the mother had kissed the child’s genital area. The judge preferred the opinion of a child protection worker, Her interview with the child, following the Institute protocol, avoided asking leading questions, and included questions challenging the child’s story. The protection worker concluded that the child was “highly suggestible”

      A proper assessment will normally include interviews with each parent alone, and with each parent together with the child, as well interviews with the child alone. The assessors should have specific training in dealing with allegations of abuse in the context of parental separation. They should be asking the child open-ended non-leading questions about the allegations of abuse. If at all possible, investigative or assessment interviews with children should be videotaped, or at least audiotaped.(77)

      In false allegation cases, the child may be more likely to make the allegations only in the presence of the accusing parent, and to “check in” with the parent. In the absence of the accusing parent, the child may appear disinterested or unaffected when describing the allegations, or may have an inappropriate emotional tone.

      In false allegation cases there can be a discrepancy between negative attitudes expressed by the child in the presence of the accusing parent and an affectionate and relaxed demeanour in the presence of the accused when the child is free from the accuser’s influence.
      Last edited by LovingFather32; 10-05-2014, 04:34 PM.

      Comment


      • #63
        I think the biggest lesson I learned from this article is that I need more professionals involved. A child psychologist for D3. I cant leave the burden to the judge to decide LF32 (and CAS) Vs. OCL.

        Comment


        • #64
          I would think that it is very important who you select for your daughter.

          If you recall that case I cited a while back (from around Oakvile/Halton area) where the mother ended up being barred from access from her children? (false sexual abuse allegations/overbearing-interfering grandmother among other things). If I recall correctly the father retained an expert who specialized in this area. The doctor's name was in the CanLii case. This individual might suit your needs or at least be able to refer you to the right person.

          LF32 - you are in human services field and you know (think back to Psychology 101) how easy it is to self-diagnose etc. I hope you take plenty of breaks from this stuff or you'll burn out.


          This is the case I was referring to. I'd try to find this Dr. Goldstein (clinical psychiatrist).

          https://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/do...24gYXJlYQAAAAA



          I believe this is the doc (but you would have to verify this):

          http://www.psychiatry.utoronto.ca/pe...n-i-goldstein/
          Last edited by arabian; 10-05-2014, 07:00 PM.

          Comment


          • #65
            Originally posted by SadAndTired View Post
            Was the new girlfriend at the access visit?

            Of course your ex cant dictate who is around your child during your time but if you were only seeing D3 three hours a week, I would think you would want focused 1:1 time with her. Not time shared with the girlfriend. You can see the g/f anytime.
            I agree with you.

            Comment


            • #66
              Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
              I agree with you.
              Point is ex needs to stop worrying about who's at my access visits. If she were to communicate I'd happily notify her. Hell, I might even discuss her thoughts on it. She refuses a communication book, e-mail,... whatever else. Her lawyer wont respond to me. Communication is impossible.

              I spend very millisecond with my D3 and make every second count. D3 asks for g/f because she has a 7 year old daughter who D3 loves. W go to parks, mini putt, beaches .. we have awesome times in that 3 hours. D3 and I are together the whole time. My focus is nowhere else.

              That's ex's argument too ... LF32 isn't doing one-on-one with his daughter. Umm .. actually yes I am. And she's the one forcing these limited times. Who does she live with? Whos at her home? I haven't even asked .. its her life and her business. She should follow suit and start allowing D3 to see her father for s start and stop exercising her control issues. IMO.
              Last edited by LovingFather32; 10-05-2014, 08:21 PM.

              Comment


              • #67
                Originally posted by arabian View Post
                I would think that it is very important who you select for your daughter.

                If you recall that case I cited a while back (from around Oakvile/Halton area) where the mother ended up being barred from access from her children? (false sexual abuse allegations/overbearing-interfering grandmother among other things). If I recall correctly the father retained an expert who specialized in this area. The doctor's name was in the CanLii case. This individual might suit your needs or at least be able to refer you to the right person.

                LF32 - you are in human services field and you know (think back to Psychology 101) how easy it is to self-diagnose etc. I hope you take plenty of breaks from this stuff or you'll burn out.


                This is the case I was referring to. I'd try to find this Dr. Goldstein (clinical psychiatrist).

                https://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/do...24gYXJlYQAAAAA



                I believe this is the doc (but you would have to verify this):

                Dr. Benjamin I. Goldstein - Department of Psychiatry
                Arabian ,, I may get in touch. Perhaps he may feel for my story. Payment plan? lol Or not. Doesn't hurt to try. Maybe he cold have a skim through these threads and it will pinch a nerve.
                Last edited by LovingFather32; 10-05-2014, 08:35 PM.

                Comment


                • #68
                  Originally posted by SadAndTired View Post
                  Was the new girlfriend at the access visit?

                  Of course your ex cant dictate who is around your child during your time but if you were only seeing D3 three hours a week, I would think you would want focused 1:1 time with her. Not time shared with the girlfriend. You can see the g/f anytime.
                  This might be a case where appearances are important. In order to appear very child-focused, I think it would be wise not to bring the new girlfriend and her kid along for access visits, given how limited these visits are.

                  This is just handing the other side something else to work with: "LF claims he should have more access to D3 but during the time he has now, he's more concerned with his new chick. Mom, by contrast, doesn't bring strange boyfriends around D3, ensures D3 is always in the company of trusted family, etc". Doesn't matter if this is true or not, the important thing is how it could be made to appear. The gf will surely understand why LF needs one on one time with his daughter.

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                    Point is ex needs to stop worrying about who's at my access visits. If she were to communicate I'd happily notify her. Hell, I might even discuss her thoughts on it. She refuses a communication book, e-mail,... whatever else. Her lawyer wont respond to me. Communication is impossible.

                    I spend very millisecond with my D3 and make every second count. D3 asks for g/f because she has a 7 year old daughter who D3 loves. W go to parks, mini putt, beaches .. we have awesome times in that 3 hours. D3 and I are together the whole time. My focus is nowhere else.

                    That's ex's argument too ... LF32 isn't doing one-on-one with his daughter. Umm .. actually yes I am. And she's the one forcing these limited times. Who does she live with? Whos at her home? I haven't even asked .. its her life and her business. She should follow suit and start allowing D3 to see her father for s start and stop exercising her control issues. IMO.
                    Its just that you only get three hours with daughter (at least you were). Those hours are precious to you and your daughter and you can see the gf any other time. Do you think its a good idea to introduce the daughter to gf when there are so many changes going on and (if I remember correctly) you haven't been together that long with gf? You cannot say that when your gf and her daughter are around that you are 100% focused on your daughter, that wouldn't be natural. You trying to say you don't talk or interact with the gf and her daughter? WHY GIVE THE EX MORE AMMO??

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                      D3 asks for g/f because she has a 7 year old daughter who D3 loves. W go to parks, mini putt, beaches .. we have awesome times in that 3 hours. D3 and I are together the whole time. My focus is nowhere else.

                      That's ex's argument too ... LF32 isn't doing one-on-one with his daughter. Umm .. actually yes I am. And she's the one forcing these limited times.
                      When did ex leave?? February??

                      Your D3 shouldnt even know your g/f and her daughter exist nevermind "asking" for her. Christ. Say no!! Your daughter should just be asking for you.

                      You were told to keep the g/f out of everything when you asked about moving in with her.

                      You are creating diversion and conflict. You should have kept your pants zipped. I think you make many mistakes that you dont acknowledge and you are about to be creamed in court.

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Originally posted by SadAndTired View Post
                        Was the new girlfriend at the access visit?

                        Of course your ex cant dictate who is around your child during your time but if you were only seeing D3 three hours a week, I would think you would want focused 1:1 time with her. Not time shared with the girlfriend. You can see the g/f anytime.
                        I think this might be a case where appearances really matter. If LF brings his new girlfriend and her kid to his very limited access visits, it's like handing the other side something to work with: "LF claims he wants more time with D3, but during the time he has now, he's more concerned with his new fling than with his daughter, he doesn't prioritize his time with her. Mom by contrast isn't bringing her new boyfriends around her daughter, she ensures D3 is always with trusted family members, etc".

                        Doesn't matter if this is true or not, the point is how it looks. LF's judgment could also be called into question, as his relationship with the gf is (presumably) pretty new, and introducing young children to new girlfriends/boyfriends is generally regarded as not a great idea, because it's confusing to the kids to be given new adult attachment figure so quickly (and to have to "share" mom and dad). Again, LF certainly has the right to spend his access visits with whoever he wants, but in terms of optics, he might be wise to devote the visits to his daughter only. The gf will surely understand the importance of one-on-one time.

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Lets not forget about daddy # 2.

                          Or that she has caretaker (ex's drinking buddy .. I know her .. only came around to drink with her). Caretaker also reported D3 cowering when yelling around her currently. Who's yelling around my D3? Strange people?

                          I shouldn't have to beg for access. Ex thinks I should. She's depriving D3 with her right to see her daddy.

                          I agree about appearances. Since one of her big arguments is that I work too much meaning my mom would see too much of D3 .. .Im glad I can show a judge a family atmosphere, more support, a little girl to play with (who's always wanted a sister). This rubs ex the wrong way.

                          What did the judge think of Working Dad's new relationship? Do you remember? Or did the judge realize Luna went nuts when she found out and it wasn't fair to WD and it went AGAINST Luna .. not WD.

                          I have a qualified lawyer who agrees with me on this. It works against the ex. Not me.

                          Don't think for a second I don't have a rebuttal for her controlling nature.

                          Confusing for the kids???

                          My Judgement will be questioned?

                          Have you been reading what she's been doing to our daughter?

                          You're not serious right?

                          And daddy # 2? I know you've been reading Stripes .. c'mon.
                          Last edited by LovingFather32; 10-05-2014, 09:03 PM.

                          Comment


                          • #73
                            The point is LF, that it is YOU who only had 3 hours of access not your ex. It was up to YOU to decide what to do with that time. You used it to visit with a girlfriend and to begin to establish "family atmosphere"?

                            You have lost perspective and focus on what really is important. I think I stated that a few posts back.
                            Last edited by SadAndTired; 10-05-2014, 09:07 PM.

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              Sorry S&T

                              All I can read of your posts are:

                              This message is hidden because SadAndTired is on your ignore list.

                              Your inability to remain neutral and your biased attitude, taking countless pages up for nothing had me render this decision a while ago. No hard feelings. Enjoy life.

                              Comment


                              • #75
                                Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                                Lets not forget about daddy # 2.

                                Or that she has caretaker (ex's drinking buddy .. I know her .. only came around to drink with her). Caretaker also reported D3 cowering when yelling around her currently. Who's yelling around my D3? Strange people?

                                I shouldn't have to beg for access. Ex thinks I should. She's depriving D3 with her right to see her daddy.

                                I agree about appearances. Since one of her big arguments is that I work too much meaning my mom would see too much of D3 .. .Im glad I can show a judge a family atmosphere, more support, a little girl to play with (who's always wanted a sister). This rubs ex the wrong way.

                                Don't think for a second I don't have a rebuttal for her controlling nature.

                                Confusing for the kids???

                                My Judgement will be questioned?

                                Have you been reading what she's been doing to our daughter?

                                You're not serious right?

                                And daddy # 2? I know you've been reading Stripes .. c'mon.
                                Nope, I'm not following every post, so I don't know who daddy #2 is. I'm just offering observations based on what I see when I drop into the forum. If the observations are off-base, feel free to disregard.

                                I can say from my own experience, in a much less acrimonious divorce than what you're experiencing, that I was not happy at all when my ex started bringing his new gf and her daughter along whenever he had our daughter, after they'd only been dating for a couple of months, and encouraging our daughter to regard the gf's daughter as a sister. Ex had every right to do this (it was his parenting time, after all), and I didn't raise it as an issue because it was his business, but I didn't think much of his judgment, given the generally short life expectancy of rebound relationships. The rule of thumb that I've heard is six months before introducing new bfs/gfs. There are major sensitivities here, so tread carefully. Don't give the other side ammunition.

                                Comment

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