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  • #16
    To the OP;

    I do understand the frustration in dealing with the girlfriend of your child's father.

    In order to move forward you do need to separate your emotions from the past out of matters. It really doesn't matter that she as the one who had the emotional affair with him countless times. He was apt to end up with someone. Be thankful instead that you are not in that situation any longer, wondering if your spouse is being faithful. She is now in that spot and is probably insecure. She is a part of your daughters life, like it or not, regardless of how you feel.

    Rise above it, let it go and be a positive role model for your child. Yes, it hurts at times. Remember though, children are able to love many people at once, it doesn't diminish the love your child has for you or take the fact that you are her mother away in any sense. Our children sense our feelings whether we say them or not.

    Your child is more important then holding onto the past. It's also less stressful. Good luck.

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    • #17
      I simply wouldn't deal with her.

      If I had a question about the kids, I'd email or text the ex. I know she may be the one who responds, but you can't control that. You respond to the ex's email address and phone number. If she is the one that calls, ask if the ex is available to discuss the issue, and if he is not, does the issue relate to the kids. If not, than you aren't willing to discuss something with a person who is not a party to the agreement/order.

      Should she ask why you aren't responding to her, you send a polite note that you and your ex are the parties to the agreement and parents to the children. That your dealings will be with your ex, as he is the proper person to be handling these matters.

      As for the other stuff, move on. It is irrelevant to the matter at hand.

      Comment


      • #18
        Your ex obviously has no balls.
        Hmmmm....You OB/GYN?

        I have had to put up with crap for 4 yrs. I get emails from my ex but they are really from his g/f.
        I have read this in a number of your posts now, is this actually happening?

        Sheesh. What a baby - probably a cousin of my ex. Who in their right mind would end up with a guy who wants you to tag along to court to deal with his ex?
        Perhaps it's just for moral support? I mean people have talked about their new partners "helping them with their taxes", "for the kid exchanges" etc

        In order to move forward you do need to separate your emotions from the past out of matters.
        Love this

        Be thankful instead that you are not in that situation any longer, wondering if your spouse is being faithful.
        Love this more

        Rise above it, let it go and be a positive role model for your child.
        On the money

        Your child is more important then holding onto the past.
        Allelujah

        Comment


        • #19
          ^yeah right and then some guys wonder why their ex's are not willing to cooperate come settlement time?

          Too often over-zealous new partners take the meaning of "helping" to a whole new level.

          I know it can be a lousy, thankless job to step parent. Bernier_Faith is one example as she repeatedly takes alot of abuse when she goes out of her way to do kind deeds for her husband's ex. There are many people on here who do legitimately try to help their spouses and make things run smoothly. However, there are also many vindictive, aggressive people who enter new relationships and stir up a storm. I have nothing but disdain for those people.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by arabian View Post
            ^yeah right and then some guys wonder why their ex's are not willing to cooperate come settlement time?

            Too often over-zealous new partners take the meaning of "helping" to a whole new level.

            I know it can be a lousy, thankless job to step parent. Bernier_Faith is one example as she repeatedly takes alot of abuse when she goes out of her way to do kind deeds for her husband's ex. There are many people on here who do legitimately try to help their spouses and make things run smoothly. However, there are also many vindictive, aggressive people who enter new relationships and stir up a storm. I have nothing but disdain for those people.
            My favorite line is... "pff...she isn't my ex... you deal with her"

            I help him out when I can, but one of the benefits to her being HIS ex is that I don't HAVE to even talk to her if I don't want too.

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by arabian View Post
              However, there are also many vindictive, aggressive people who enter new relationships and stir up a storm.
              This is true, however there are also many vindictive ex spouses. Refusing to rise to the occasion and being one, does lessen the issues as two wrongs don't make a right. Especially when dealing with children. Arguing adults who are acting like a scorned high-school student is not a role model one would want for any child.

              The past is best left in the past. Learn from it, grow as an individual, let it go and move on and it's is very refreshing not to hold onto that anger and upset.

              Comment


              • #22
                ^I agree - the OP should protect her privacy and perhaps look into the family wizard program to further eliminate the requirement to communicate directly with the ex. Phone calls and any communication that would put her in contact with the new spouse will be highly unproductive if they dislike each other.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Bernier_Faith is one example as she repeatedly takes alot of abuse when she goes out of her way to do kind deeds for her husband's ex.
                  I concur with this, and she knows my personal take on what you just said from our offline communication. She sure is an angel (No she didn't pay me to say this)

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Thanks everyone, a lot of you's are asking why I called and I should be texting or emailing....

                    All emails, texts have been blocked on my part due to the non stop accusations and threats on their behalf.

                    I called because my D8 had the stomach flu and I wanted to see how she was doing, the girlfriend wouldn't let me talk to her and that's when she told me off, I even asked to talk to my ex.

                    D8 stayed at her dad's last night because 1, it was his scheduled day with her and 2, if she would of had to stay home, he doesn't work (unemployed) and I can no longer afford to miss days at work.

                    Long story short they deserve eachother

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      I am sorry, no matter how many threats or accusations one makes, I would MUCH rather have them in email or text for evidence purposes than take on verbal harassment, which you can't prove.

                      If things are as high conflict as you state, you should only be emailing. It is easier to ignore emails than it is to ignore verbal abuse.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                        I am sorry, no matter how many threats or accusations one makes, I would MUCH rather have them in email or text for evidence purposes than take on verbal harassment, which you can't prove.

                        If things are as high conflict as you state, you should only be emailing. It is easier to ignore emails than it is to ignore verbal abuse.
                        Agreed.

                        Never telephone to speak to the ex. It opens you up to actually having to speak to her. If you text or email, you can ignore the BS.

                        If you are calling to speak to the child and she refuses to allow you, you hang up and send an email to the ex stating that you just called to speak the child and that you were refused by an individual who is not a party to the order/agreement. That each parent should be allowed open communication with the child. That you understand that the child was sick, but unless they are sleeping, that the child should speak to the calling parent. You don't agree with his partners position that she can refuse to allow you to speak to the child and request that she refrain from making disparaging comments to you.

                        But email the ex. Don't speak to the ex's partner.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Very good adivce Hammerdad - this way the OP has record of incident

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            If you text or email, you can ignore the BS.
                            One particular instance where "less is more"

                            If the other spouse insists upon acting like a child, then you need to be the grown-up and, by example, teach the other parent how to communicate. Set a good example for your children and exhibit some maturity in handling your side of the situation. Show them the right way to handle negative situations, not the wrong way, which is stooping to the other parent's level.
                            Some other good pointers in here <----------

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              I agree, I have also blocked my ex from SMS. I only discuss things with her Via email.

                              I agree with HammerDad...This is exactly how you should handle this situation.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                No phone contact unless in emergency is sound advice.

                                Before ODF, I communicated frequently with my X on the phone. A few years ago, he wanted to make changes to a holiday access and his wife (then girlfriend) was in the room during the call.

                                She kept saying, "Give me the phone, give me the phone, let me talk to her,,," etc. during our conversation. My X was telling her no, then finally said to her, "You REALLY don't want the phone. Really."

                                She finally grabbed the phone from X and started in on me. I will not repeat what I had to say to her because most of you would not approve, but let's just say, that was the first and LAST time she tried to interfere.

                                I believe she cares for my son and for that I am glad, but stays out of parenting him or trying to tell me how to parent him. That is the job of X and myself. I'm sure she's still nattering in his ears, but at least she's not nattering in mine! lol.

                                Stay away from the phone. That is best.

                                Comment

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