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  • Kids Activities

    We have 2 kids with 50/50 joint access/custody.

    When we separated a year ago, we said that we would continue to keep the kids in activities/clubs which we did. They usually do 2 activities at a time, like swimming and art or dance. We don't have anything written in an agreement about this though.

    We discussed again what to do for this winter season and agreed on a program. I enrolled them, paid for it, and now the night before it starts, my ex says that her schedule no longer allows her to take the kids to any activities.

    I offered to pick the kids up, take them to the activity, and drop them back off with her, but she says no. She told me to enroll the kids and take them to any program I want during my week, but don't expect her to do anything during her week.

    While the kids could still have fun in the program during my weeks, obviously if they are only attending half the classes, they won't pass their swimming/dancing/gymnastics/whatever it is...

    The kids have always been in activities, and I've always paid 100% of the kids' expenses, so it's not a money issue.
    With my ex no longer willing to let the kids go to activities during her weeks, this will prevent them from joining teams or passing and moving forward with swimming/dancing/etc...

    What are my options here?
    Is there any laws that say we have to maintain the kids' extracurricular activities?

    If she is not available, I offered to pickup/dropoff them myself, but she says no.

  • #2
    Sad....unfortunately I don't think there is much that can be done at least easily and cheaply if you don't have this covered in a parenting plan. I am currently in mediation trying to hammer out a parenting plan and one of the topics is this. Ex wants to only schedule the kids activities on her days or my days so there is no crossover. Not many activities can be scheduled like this, sad when the kids have to suffer. In the end I think she'll see the light but who knows...

    Comment


    • #3
      Not much you can do, if she's not going to be reasonable. I have run into this with my D4's mom as well. I would try and cancel to get your money back at least, if she's not going to cooperate.

      In a case like this, if this was my D4's mom, I would send her an email in response, asking why the sudden schedule change, or change of mind, on the eve of? (I like to document). And then also maybe mention that it's near impossible to sign the kids up, for any activities, that won't impact one parent or the other. I assume she knew of this weeks in advance?

      Why won't she let you pickup/dropoff the kids? Get her answer in writing. It might be good to have documented, multiple cases of this, if this becomes a frequent issue.

      Comment


      • #4
        The Child Support s.7 guidelines say that the parents must contribute to the extraordinary expenses for extracurricular activities...

        But why is there no clause that the parents must take them to the extracurricular activities.

        It's good that they can force the parents to pay for it, but it does no good if the other parents won't take the kids... espeically for swimming, which is so important for their health and safety. Just like school, they need to go through the different levels/grades to learn everything. As soon as one parents stops taking them, that automatically stops them from being able to progress.

        Comment


        • #5
          I think you're ex is not putting the kids first and from what you said I don't agree with her refusing you to schedule kids on her time. Some extracurricular is good.

          However, we are all stuck with our parents, and it is up to her what to do on her time and to not make extracurricular a priority.

          Perhaps she has other reasons - keep trying to figure out how to change her mind.

          If you went to court you MAY be able to changes the access such that you could take them to extracurricular, but I doubt it would be worth it all things considered.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by GoDiegoGo View Post
            The Child Support s.7 guidelines say that the parents must contribute to the extraordinary expenses for extracurricular activities...

            But why is there no clause that the parents must take them to the extracurricular activities.

            It's good that they can force the parents to pay for it, but it does no good if the other parents won't take the kids... espeically for swimming, which is so important for their health and safety. Just like school, they need to go through the different levels/grades to learn everything. As soon as one parents stops taking them, that automatically stops them from being able to progress.
            Not all extracurricular activities are section 7. It depends on the cost and the parents combined income.

            Also, if it is extraordinary, the parent can refuse the section 7 expense (and rightly so)

            Comment


            • #7
              I think this is part of her continued plan to avoid working...


              She already has 2 degrees (engineering and computers) with 5 years work experience in IT, but she hasn't worked for 2.5 years as we were both off work and looking after the kids. Now it's been another year since separated and she still claims zero income and that she can't find employment anywhere (even walmart,mcdonalds,etc), while I'm still off on permanent disability. A few months back she then got trained and received a security guards license, but says there is only night shift work available and she's unavailable for that. At our SC, the judge mentioned that she should get a minimum wage salary imputed on her, so I sent her a support offer based on that but she refused to accept an imputed salary. Now she quickly enrolled and is going back to school to become a nurse... Not sure if that will affect a minimum wage salary being imputed on her...


              But she said she only found out about her schedule last night... and is no longer available to take the kids to any activities. When I offered to take them for her, she got mad and wrote back saying not to dictate how she should live her life and manage the kids... and to do whatever I want with them during my weeks only.

              I'm not trying to be unreasonable with "extraordinary expenses", especially since I'm the only one paying for it. I would just like to have my kids D4&6 to participate in activities like everyone else, and not be prevented from passing and moving forward because one parent's schedule doesn't allow for it.

              Comment


              • #8
                Offer to switch one night a week. That's what my ex and I did. So if the activity is on Tuesday, you always take them Tuesday and she always takes them Wed to make up the time. Still 50/50 but they get to go to the activity - AND it could benefit her schedule.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by GoDiegoGo View Post
                  I offered to pick the kids up, take them to the activity, and drop them back off with her, but she says no. She told me to enroll the kids and take them to any program I want during my week, but don't expect her to do anything during her week.
                  A difficult situation which can turn into conflict. The other parent in your mater is quite correct that while the children are residing with them that their parental autonomy should be respected. (Sorry for the link to US law but, it is a good definition none the less.)

                  It is dissappointing that as parents you came to an agreement regarding the activity and that this agreement was tossed out under the premise of "parental autonomy".

                  Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW published an article about this very topic. There are few articles and always I recommend all seperating parents read every article on his site:

                  Your Social Worker - Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

                  Originally posted by GoDiegoGo View Post
                  Is there any laws that say we have to maintain the kids' extracurricular activities?
                  Not really. But, as the very Honourable Mr. Justice Pazaratz stated that issues before the court are all about "perception". Unless the other parent could explain a valid reason to not encourage the children to participate in these activities they are not going to be perceved well by the justice.

                  Originally posted by GoDiegoGo View Post
                  If she is not available, I offered to pickup/dropoff them myself, but she says no.
                  That is about all you can do. Do you really want to make an Application to force the other parent to take the children? What really would the result be? Court is nothing but a way of creating conflict and it will only create more animosity between you and the other parent. Furthermore, the issue although important to you is "minor" when considering that court is a "last resort" solution to the problem. Also an aggressive one laced with fear and uncertainty for everyone involved.

                  Also, do consider that should you make an Application for this matter, no doubt it will take months to get to the Case Conference, even longer if the matter then goes to motion, that a motion is "TEMPORARY" and the matter would have to go to TRIAL if you and the other party can't come to agreement.

                  If you want to resolve the problem through the slowest, most expensive and most conflictual way possible court is a great choice. Be forewarned that in Ontario in most court districts, a matter like this could take 2-3 years to reach trial and you run the risk of the justice telling you that you are (a) wasting everyone's time (b) and order significant costs for you bringing such a matter to the court.

                  Bringing the enrolment of a child in activity to court is not going to help the children and improve family communications.

                  Good Luck!
                  Tayken

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by GoDiegoGo View Post
                    The Child Support s.7 guidelines say that the parents must contribute to the extraordinary expenses for extracurricular activities...

                    But why is there no clause that the parents must take them to the extracurricular activities.
                    Family law is all about cash.

                    Best interests of the children are a faaaaar distant second. Try denying access or support, and see which one gets you in immediate trouble, and which one you can get away with for a long long long time.

                    Anyhow, there is an easy solution to the above problem. Shared parenting should generally be on a 5-5-2-2 schedule. That way, the parents don't have to consult each other at all before signing up the kids for activities.

                    5-5-2-2: Each parent has two fixed days of the week, and then they alternate the other days. Each parent can sign up for activities during their fixed day.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      How does the 5-5-2-2 schedule work? Can you give me an examply please.

                      Basically do I get the kids every Mon and Wed's .... She gets them every Tue and Thurs.... then do we alternate Fri, Sat, Sun's?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by GoDiegoGo View Post
                        How does the 5-5-2-2 schedule work? Can you give me an examply please.

                        Basically do I get the kids every Mon and Wed's .... She gets them every Tue and Thurs.... then do we alternate Fri, Sat, Sun's?
                        This site has a great search feature which I encourage you to explore. I do realize this is all new to you and you are possibly anxious about everything but, you need to start searching for the answers (contained on this site and the public internet) prior to requesting help. Helping yourself first is a key element to getting through all this.

                        http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...plained-13702/

                        Good Luck!
                        Tayken

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by GoDiegoGo View Post
                          How does the 5-5-2-2 schedule work? Can you give me an examply please.

                          Basically do I get the kids every Mon and Wed's .... She gets them every Tue and Thurs.... then do we alternate Fri, Sat, Sun's?
                          Or, for less back and forth: you get them every Mon/Tues, her every Weds/Thurs, then you alternate Fri/Sat.Sun.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by GoDiegoGo View Post
                            We have 2 kids with 50/50 joint access/custody.

                            When we separated a year ago, we said that we would continue to keep the kids in activities/clubs which we did. They usually do 2 activities at a time, like swimming and art or dance. We don't have anything written in an agreement about this though.

                            We discussed again what to do for this winter season and agreed on a program. I enrolled them, paid for it, and now the night before it starts, my ex says that her schedule no longer allows her to take the kids to any activities.

                            I offered to pick the kids up, take them to the activity, and drop them back off with her, but she says no. She told me to enroll the kids and take them to any program I want during my week, but don't expect her to do anything during her week.

                            While the kids could still have fun in the program during my weeks, obviously if they are only attending half the classes, they won't pass their swimming/dancing/gymnastics/whatever it is...

                            The kids have always been in activities, and I've always paid 100% of the kids' expenses, so it's not a money issue.
                            With my ex no longer willing to let the kids go to activities during her weeks, this will prevent them from joining teams or passing and moving forward with swimming/dancing/etc...

                            What are my options here?
                            Is there any laws that say we have to maintain the kids' extracurricular activities?

                            If she is not available, I offered to pickup/dropoff them myself, but she says no.
                            That's pretty unfair. You're kids are lucky they have a Dad who cares so much. I think the best thing you can do is just take them to classes on days when you have the kids. If you talk to the school sometimes they have the same class more than one a week. They may let you change things up a bit. Face it, kids like activities and its fun and good exercise. Maybe once she sees how much the kids enjoy it she will soften her heart and become more flexible.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              offer to do the leg work on her weeks too.

                              if she says yes, you are going above and beyond (a good thing if court ever comes around again).

                              If she says no, I would ask a lawyer about the chances of succesfully motioning over it. 'It' meaning you do the legwork at getting them to and from on your off weeks too.
                              .

                              Past that, try not to let her callousness bother you.

                              Comment

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