Thanks for the posts - I appreciate people's time and attention on my situation. I am going to clarify a few things but again I am weary of the disclosure of information/ confidentiality issue. This city is really small place.
- hospital. I was in the hospital for almost a week. Over exhausted. He didn't stay one night with us. I asked him, he refused. He has no job, so work is not an excuse. He did come and visit, but helped with nothing. My most difficult time was at night when nurses didn't come by often. I almost dropped the baby due to my post partum situation( legs frozen from epi). It was very unsafe for the baby. Eventually I overexhausted myself and the nurse had take the baby away, next day the baby's weight lost exceeded 10% also dehydrated ( my milk was not enough). Also started some treatment- my ex still wouldn't stay with us because he had planned night life that day.
- why got pregnant with him? Good question. It was unplanned, I did go to abortion counselling - counsellor reassured me that worse case senario I could make an excellent single mother if the father doesn't step up. I decided to give it a try, hoping he would change when the baby arrives. Nope, he didn't. He made it very clear when baby was born that " although there is a baby now, I can do whatever I want". On top of that he became very mean to me. He was disgusted with my post partum bleeding, got very angry if I cried. Yes he physically took the baby from me if I cried, sometimes during my breastfeeding, sometimes when the baby was falling asleep. It was unbearable. I was not allowed to cry at home. He made fun of my adult underwear because of my bleeding, asking me why I was still wearing "f@&& diapers?"
- yes people were invited to our home the first day I came home. I told him if we could keep the guests away for a few days. He said it is his house he could do whatever he wanted. I couldn't entertain the guests and went upstairs after the dinner, he asked me why I was such "downer". I told him I was in pain. He said " nah you are ok". After that every other day i had people over drinking : video gaming until after midnight. Ex moved to another bedroom since he didn't wanna be bothered by the baby at night- i also told him if he doesn't go to bed before midnight then please don't come to our bedroom since it will wake the baby up. He however still woke both of us most of the time because he would be drunk and turning on every single light in the house. ( this is after our doctor convinced him that the baby should be sleeping in the same room as the mother)
- i was not perfect in the relationship. Before baby I could reasonably argue with him, if he yelled at me I could tell back. After the baby I lost any ability to defend myself because talkign care of an infant took all my energy, time and even the courage. I didn't want to fight in front of the baby either. Physically I was very weak from the complicated labour. When relative offered help and asked me to stay with them for a weekl or two, ex told me that if I do that then " we are done" - there were other threats but I cannot disclose.....which to these days I still don't understand why. He refused to help, but he wouldn't let others help either.
- hospital. I was in the hospital for almost a week. Over exhausted. He didn't stay one night with us. I asked him, he refused. He has no job, so work is not an excuse. He did come and visit, but helped with nothing. My most difficult time was at night when nurses didn't come by often. I almost dropped the baby due to my post partum situation( legs frozen from epi). It was very unsafe for the baby. Eventually I overexhausted myself and the nurse had take the baby away, next day the baby's weight lost exceeded 10% also dehydrated ( my milk was not enough). Also started some treatment- my ex still wouldn't stay with us because he had planned night life that day.
- why got pregnant with him? Good question. It was unplanned, I did go to abortion counselling - counsellor reassured me that worse case senario I could make an excellent single mother if the father doesn't step up. I decided to give it a try, hoping he would change when the baby arrives. Nope, he didn't. He made it very clear when baby was born that " although there is a baby now, I can do whatever I want". On top of that he became very mean to me. He was disgusted with my post partum bleeding, got very angry if I cried. Yes he physically took the baby from me if I cried, sometimes during my breastfeeding, sometimes when the baby was falling asleep. It was unbearable. I was not allowed to cry at home. He made fun of my adult underwear because of my bleeding, asking me why I was still wearing "f@&& diapers?"
- yes people were invited to our home the first day I came home. I told him if we could keep the guests away for a few days. He said it is his house he could do whatever he wanted. I couldn't entertain the guests and went upstairs after the dinner, he asked me why I was such "downer". I told him I was in pain. He said " nah you are ok". After that every other day i had people over drinking : video gaming until after midnight. Ex moved to another bedroom since he didn't wanna be bothered by the baby at night- i also told him if he doesn't go to bed before midnight then please don't come to our bedroom since it will wake the baby up. He however still woke both of us most of the time because he would be drunk and turning on every single light in the house. ( this is after our doctor convinced him that the baby should be sleeping in the same room as the mother)
- i was not perfect in the relationship. Before baby I could reasonably argue with him, if he yelled at me I could tell back. After the baby I lost any ability to defend myself because talkign care of an infant took all my energy, time and even the courage. I didn't want to fight in front of the baby either. Physically I was very weak from the complicated labour. When relative offered help and asked me to stay with them for a weekl or two, ex told me that if I do that then " we are done" - there were other threats but I cannot disclose.....which to these days I still don't understand why. He refused to help, but he wouldn't let others help either.
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