I am the step dad of a great little boy and loving wife. Our problems come from her Ex. He was a emotionally abusive and controlling before my wife was able to break free of him. She had full custody as he wanted nothing to do with his Son. While we dated it used to break my heart seeing the little guy sitting on the steps waiting for his Dad who never showed up to get him on scheduled visits. We always found something fun to do to get his mind off it. As I am seeing now our mistake was softening the blow for him saying maybe your dad is working or something came up. He would seldom give a reason as to why he was a no show but the norm seemed to be not show up/text/call but a few weeks later send an angry email or leave a voicemail about how his access is being blocked and she will be sorry. The answer usually was come and get him this weekend then to make up for it and he would disappear again.
Fast forward to Jan 2011 My wife and Step-son and I are living in Ontario and her Ex was across the country. We had a separation agreement that was pretty well spelt out and approved by him and the court. We would fly him back over spring break, Christmas and Summer vacation up to 5 weeks. The actually time spent with the visits was currently close to 5 Times the actually time he spent with him before we left BC. So he had more access before which was a problem because we heard right from day one I don't want him this March break so I am going to stop paying child support. It was a fight to get him to accept and see his son. First Christmas went fine. In March he didn't want to see him then after a while he said ok. Summer break he only saw him for 2 weeks instead of the 5 weeks. Even during those weeks he had my wife come and pick him up for once because he all the sudden had to work. Our son said he was itchy and sore and we learned he was wearing the same pair of underwear for 3 days because his dad said he couldn't afford to do his wash that was his mom's job. (I'll add he did a load of his own during this time and couldn't at least put in a pair or two of underwear in). He spent the next week complaining he doesn't know how to take care of child and he has no money the kid has ate him out of house and home we were shocked how much weight our little boy lost in the two weeks he was there.
After they got back from this trip he stopped paying child support stopped talking to his son never answered emails never showed up for weekly Skype phone calls just disappeared from the face of the earth. In order to book plane tickets over the Christmas break we need to book them early so we contacted him or tried to remind him that he to let us know the date he is able to take his Son 3 months in advance. We got that he was homeless in a men's shelter living out of his car because he is to depressed to work. This was when we needed to contact a lawyer for advice. The advice was contract FRO to get support payments started (it was only $150 a month) and that his email according to agreement that stated he needed to give us his time to book the tickets so we could take advantage of sales he had let us know 3 months before the scheduled time. So went about our life we booked some tickets to stay with my wife's family and they planned a big gathering with children and cousins our little guy hasn't seen in years.
In late November FRO contacted the ex about missing support payments. This set off two things first out of the blue we had the police show up for a welfare check because the Ex said it has been months since he heard from him. We had been keeping a log and showed them no phone calls the un-answered Skype calls from his end and no email has been incoming in months. The police left with a good idea and said we got it a dead beat dad trying to cause issues. he started to call my Wife's cell phone leaving messages about his lawyer and she will pay big time for blocking his access. In the meantime he still never replied to his son's email or showed up to answer his Skype calls. A week later we got an email that he demanded to see his son as it was his right. Since we were in BC for 6 days anyways the lawyer said we should try to give him at least half of that time but we would need to make sure he wasn't living in a car and sign a paper that he would return him on time for us to make our flights. That wasn't good enough he wanted 10 days total. It was explained that we were here for only 6 days and you could have access for 3 including Christmas eve, day and boxing day. He was sending a whole bunch of emails that didn't make sense he was still in his apartment still had a job and car nothing was the different his is fine he demands to see his son. Our lawyer at the time was worried there was something not right by the emails we got his response was so off topic he worried about his returning our son in time to catch our flight. All he had to do was sign a paper to say he would return him on time on the date agreed upon. He wouldn't stating he was entitled to 10 days the agreement said alternating Christmas eve each year and the time would separated depending on the vacation time. So that year the max allowed would of been 5 - 4 days according to the agreement. At this point our son didn't want to go to see his Dad he was not privy to the fighting or the lawyer's etc and his dad still hadn't contacted him the only contact he in 4 - 5 months was a police officer saying your dad wants you to call him. Which his Son had been doing every Sunday for months. Our son is 10 at this point and one night he grabs his Ipod goes to his room and it's all odd we can here him getting upset so his mom goes to stand at the door and hears his dad telling him that don't be scared the police will be picking him up as soon as he gets off the plane in BC and likely arresting his mom so he will be living with him. That was enough the call ended and our son was in tears he didn't want to go to BC anymore he didn't want to see his DAD any more.
Once again his Dad disappeared until Jan of 2013 we get a email saying here is his new number it's local. Our heart sinks to be safe my wife goes to our son's school to remind them that his Dad is not allowed to pick our son up from school. She doesn't even make it home has to pull over when the school called her because he ex called the school wanted to pick up his son ASAP and that put the school into a lock down it was an odd request and he was shouting saying he was coming and bringing the police and team of lawyers they had better release his son to him. We went that day to obtain a local lawyer. Two days later we are served he wants majority custody and his primary residence will be with him he won't be paying child support because he is on Long term disability with depression from lack of access to his son. We were floored. Someone with no home no job claiming to be too depressed to work wanting 60-40 split on custody it became clear it was about money as he wanted us to pay him child support he already tried to claim he had one dependant in his welfare needs and he had obtained a legal aid lawyer.
Here we are today his legal aid lawyer dropped him because he lied about his situation to them. He is still homeless hasn't looked for work still claiming he is too depressed. His depression claim was denied we can't be sure but think his Ontario Works has been cut off this month. He won't respond to my wife's lawyer yet makes such outlandish stupid demands our legal fee's are crazy just in replies. Yet is intent on taking this to trial his words he will make my wife rue the day she ever left him and knows he wont win but try to crawl out from what I cost you I'll be somewhere you will never find me. Once again all verbal so you can't really prove he said that.
I have heard or ex's going on welfare to make sure they don't pay child support but has anyone ever had to deal with such a thing where someone is battling for custody with no real effort to see his child has no job hasn't looked for work is claiming to depressed to work?
Our Lawyers have been great in cutting costs and trying their best to keep things in check. The Child advocate has tried his best to mediate this out but when her ex shows up starts screaming yes actual screaming about his rights and get so upset that when the Child advocate says if you were to find work and a stable home you would be able to see your son more often then once a week. He doesn't see it that way. Getting a job means he has to pay child support so that's a no. Once he gets the 60-40 he may look for work because he feels then he won't have to pay.
Two things I am sad that family court can let this even start in the first place he has made no effort to better himself and no effort to better his situation to see his son some more if this was about his son. yet we have a trial management conference coming up and trail date set in the fall.
2nd I am sad that Ontario works has been for almost a year and half now paying him to stay here he is drawing pay from them. I am shocked that 3 weeks after he quit his job that he was able to get a Ontario works, his first Ontario works payment was on Jan 10 he quit his job on the Dec 18th. He has made no effort to work or even look for work. The last place Ontario works set him up in he hooked up his x-box and renewed his Gold subscription.
Fast forward to Jan 2011 My wife and Step-son and I are living in Ontario and her Ex was across the country. We had a separation agreement that was pretty well spelt out and approved by him and the court. We would fly him back over spring break, Christmas and Summer vacation up to 5 weeks. The actually time spent with the visits was currently close to 5 Times the actually time he spent with him before we left BC. So he had more access before which was a problem because we heard right from day one I don't want him this March break so I am going to stop paying child support. It was a fight to get him to accept and see his son. First Christmas went fine. In March he didn't want to see him then after a while he said ok. Summer break he only saw him for 2 weeks instead of the 5 weeks. Even during those weeks he had my wife come and pick him up for once because he all the sudden had to work. Our son said he was itchy and sore and we learned he was wearing the same pair of underwear for 3 days because his dad said he couldn't afford to do his wash that was his mom's job. (I'll add he did a load of his own during this time and couldn't at least put in a pair or two of underwear in). He spent the next week complaining he doesn't know how to take care of child and he has no money the kid has ate him out of house and home we were shocked how much weight our little boy lost in the two weeks he was there.
After they got back from this trip he stopped paying child support stopped talking to his son never answered emails never showed up for weekly Skype phone calls just disappeared from the face of the earth. In order to book plane tickets over the Christmas break we need to book them early so we contacted him or tried to remind him that he to let us know the date he is able to take his Son 3 months in advance. We got that he was homeless in a men's shelter living out of his car because he is to depressed to work. This was when we needed to contact a lawyer for advice. The advice was contract FRO to get support payments started (it was only $150 a month) and that his email according to agreement that stated he needed to give us his time to book the tickets so we could take advantage of sales he had let us know 3 months before the scheduled time. So went about our life we booked some tickets to stay with my wife's family and they planned a big gathering with children and cousins our little guy hasn't seen in years.
In late November FRO contacted the ex about missing support payments. This set off two things first out of the blue we had the police show up for a welfare check because the Ex said it has been months since he heard from him. We had been keeping a log and showed them no phone calls the un-answered Skype calls from his end and no email has been incoming in months. The police left with a good idea and said we got it a dead beat dad trying to cause issues. he started to call my Wife's cell phone leaving messages about his lawyer and she will pay big time for blocking his access. In the meantime he still never replied to his son's email or showed up to answer his Skype calls. A week later we got an email that he demanded to see his son as it was his right. Since we were in BC for 6 days anyways the lawyer said we should try to give him at least half of that time but we would need to make sure he wasn't living in a car and sign a paper that he would return him on time for us to make our flights. That wasn't good enough he wanted 10 days total. It was explained that we were here for only 6 days and you could have access for 3 including Christmas eve, day and boxing day. He was sending a whole bunch of emails that didn't make sense he was still in his apartment still had a job and car nothing was the different his is fine he demands to see his son. Our lawyer at the time was worried there was something not right by the emails we got his response was so off topic he worried about his returning our son in time to catch our flight. All he had to do was sign a paper to say he would return him on time on the date agreed upon. He wouldn't stating he was entitled to 10 days the agreement said alternating Christmas eve each year and the time would separated depending on the vacation time. So that year the max allowed would of been 5 - 4 days according to the agreement. At this point our son didn't want to go to see his Dad he was not privy to the fighting or the lawyer's etc and his dad still hadn't contacted him the only contact he in 4 - 5 months was a police officer saying your dad wants you to call him. Which his Son had been doing every Sunday for months. Our son is 10 at this point and one night he grabs his Ipod goes to his room and it's all odd we can here him getting upset so his mom goes to stand at the door and hears his dad telling him that don't be scared the police will be picking him up as soon as he gets off the plane in BC and likely arresting his mom so he will be living with him. That was enough the call ended and our son was in tears he didn't want to go to BC anymore he didn't want to see his DAD any more.
Once again his Dad disappeared until Jan of 2013 we get a email saying here is his new number it's local. Our heart sinks to be safe my wife goes to our son's school to remind them that his Dad is not allowed to pick our son up from school. She doesn't even make it home has to pull over when the school called her because he ex called the school wanted to pick up his son ASAP and that put the school into a lock down it was an odd request and he was shouting saying he was coming and bringing the police and team of lawyers they had better release his son to him. We went that day to obtain a local lawyer. Two days later we are served he wants majority custody and his primary residence will be with him he won't be paying child support because he is on Long term disability with depression from lack of access to his son. We were floored. Someone with no home no job claiming to be too depressed to work wanting 60-40 split on custody it became clear it was about money as he wanted us to pay him child support he already tried to claim he had one dependant in his welfare needs and he had obtained a legal aid lawyer.
Here we are today his legal aid lawyer dropped him because he lied about his situation to them. He is still homeless hasn't looked for work still claiming he is too depressed. His depression claim was denied we can't be sure but think his Ontario Works has been cut off this month. He won't respond to my wife's lawyer yet makes such outlandish stupid demands our legal fee's are crazy just in replies. Yet is intent on taking this to trial his words he will make my wife rue the day she ever left him and knows he wont win but try to crawl out from what I cost you I'll be somewhere you will never find me. Once again all verbal so you can't really prove he said that.
I have heard or ex's going on welfare to make sure they don't pay child support but has anyone ever had to deal with such a thing where someone is battling for custody with no real effort to see his child has no job hasn't looked for work is claiming to depressed to work?
Our Lawyers have been great in cutting costs and trying their best to keep things in check. The Child advocate has tried his best to mediate this out but when her ex shows up starts screaming yes actual screaming about his rights and get so upset that when the Child advocate says if you were to find work and a stable home you would be able to see your son more often then once a week. He doesn't see it that way. Getting a job means he has to pay child support so that's a no. Once he gets the 60-40 he may look for work because he feels then he won't have to pay.
Two things I am sad that family court can let this even start in the first place he has made no effort to better himself and no effort to better his situation to see his son some more if this was about his son. yet we have a trial management conference coming up and trail date set in the fall.
2nd I am sad that Ontario works has been for almost a year and half now paying him to stay here he is drawing pay from them. I am shocked that 3 weeks after he quit his job that he was able to get a Ontario works, his first Ontario works payment was on Jan 10 he quit his job on the Dec 18th. He has made no effort to work or even look for work. The last place Ontario works set him up in he hooked up his x-box and renewed his Gold subscription.
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