Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 02-09-2018, 02:56 PM
HelpinAlberta HelpinAlberta is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 3
HelpinAlberta is on a distinguished road
Default Parent, suspected sexual abuse, help

Hello Everyone,
This is my first post and I am looking for some help and input. I go for a JDR in March with my ex husband (separated since 2015). From 2015-august 2017 we had an agreement that our girl (now 4) lived with me and seen her dad every second weekend and whenever mutually agreeable. Usually he would pick her up the Thursday night as he had Fridays off, otherwise he would never take her more then his weekend. (Ex. offered for her to go on fathers day.. his birthday.. he would decline). He always paid me child support (generally on time) we had co-parenting issues; such as when i decided to possible date again I wanted to let him know (small town and thought it was better from me) he started yelling threw something and slammed the door with our girl (then 2) standing there as well. (we had been sitting on the deck while she played) Basically I left the marriage as he was very mentally abusive towards me. Therefore I did what I felt I could to manage the co-parenting situation. I wanted him as involved as he would want to be. Made sure she always had a gift for him for his birthday, Christmas ect. (and invited him to our Christmas, her birthday parties ect. ) So i tried to not rock the boat. if there was something I thought would upset him my fear was that he may take his anger out on our girl. (I realize now this was not healthy either, the fear that he would be mad or neglect her because of "our" problems. But none the less i was trying to protect her. (So I had never went for divorce, he lives in a house we own ect.) I paid for all childcare costs, her rec activities out of the child support, not ever asking for more.

Then, There had been weird occurrences happening with my daughter (in June) that had led to an RCMP investigation regarding possible sexual abuse. She did not implicate anyone in particular. It was left at it was strange behavior keep an eye on things, but leave it at that.

August 30th my daughter and I were laying on the bed I was in a nightgown and panties and it was very hot out. I was reading with my legs bent and she was lying down beside me at an angle. She ended up reaching in between my legs, and putting her hands to with one move my underwear the other reaching into my vagina. When i sat up and asked what she was doing, she very clearly as though she was answering anything else said "Oh its ok this is what my daddy does to my panties" I then asked "does what?" She then moved her panties to the side and put her fingerS into her vagina moving in and out repeatedly saying its "SO FUNNY" -- we went outside told gramma, I took a discrete video ect.

I ended up getting granted emergency full parenting with him having no access. As well as an Emergency Protection Order ( when he was served the papers changing the parenting he attacked the 78 year old process server and RCMP had to be called)

In November we went before the court so that He could then give his portion to the judge - I had been successful in the emergency change so he did not at that time have a chance to speak. He was not aware of what I was doing. He agreed to Supervised visits with a professional (that he pays) that can provide notes to the court. He can have this visit once a week for 1-2 hours. He has not done anything with this. So she has not seen him since August.


I know I rambled here a bit, I have never sat down like this before to write anything out and this is terrifying to think about this being out there like this.Bbut I am just looking for thoughts on what to expect and what to do next. The RCMP investigation is Ongoing, CFS has closed their file. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 02-13-2018, 02:22 PM
Janus's Avatar
Janus Janus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,387
Janus will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by HelpinAlberta View Post
The RCMP investigation is Ongoing

Parenting time is supervised, RCMP is investigating. Sounds like the gears are working as they should.


Quote:
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
What are your concerns?
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02-13-2018, 04:34 PM
SadAndTired SadAndTired is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,147
SadAndTired is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by HelpinAlberta View Post
I go for a JDR in March with my ex husband (separated since 2015).
For what? What are the issues before the JDR?

What do you want to happen next? Let the RCMP do their criminal investigation and go about your life.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 02-14-2018, 12:31 AM
backinthesaddle backinthesaddle is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 19
backinthesaddle is on a distinguished road
Default

Has he been charged? An investigation like the one you described should not take more than a week or two. Quite simple, an interview with you and an interview with your daughter and he would be brought in for an interview as well.A 4 yr old child is not subjected to that behaviour so when they describe what you have described it has to come from experience. Children's Aid is now involved and will follow the lead of the police investigation. Has the investigator not contacted you? I would suspect that this long wait means they aren't charging him but you should have been notified long ago about where the investigation is going.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 02-17-2018, 11:45 AM
HelpinAlberta HelpinAlberta is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 3
HelpinAlberta is on a distinguished road
Default

No one has been charged there is an ongoing investigation. As she can describe things in detail to myself or her gramma. But will not speak to a professional. Has said to the person interviewing her "I'm done talking to you I want to go now"

I guess I am just looking for anything from people. We were in court yesterday and the EPO was extended so he can not have contact with us unless it is to set up parenting time.- he is allowed supervised visits with a paid professional once a week and has not done this at all.

My lawyer has suggested now going forward for sole parenting as she has not seen him since August and could potentially be mentally harmful to her - unless he as to pay for her to be assessed as well as a plan to reintroduce himself into her life .. I do think this is smart, she seen a man she thought was him at the store and had a day long meltdown that she would be taken from me. (I just assured her I'm here not going anywhere) it was awful .
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 02-17-2018, 01:39 PM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 273
Stillbreathing is on a distinguished road
Default

Just to warn you. Even if your ex did do something, he is innocent until proven guilty in the eyes of the law. Proving any kind of child abuse based purely on what the child says ( even if they tell a professional) is extremely difficult. That is why even if somebody is charged the crown will often place conditions on them for a year or so and they arenít actually convicted. Young Children can not be cross examined on the witness stand. If the child was in the ICU from a witnessed and video taped beating by a parent then there would be a chance of a conviction.

What your daughter revealed to you will be almost impossible to prove without concrete evidence . This in no way diminishes what she said or what has happened to her. The chances are almost 100% that if your ex pursues it, he will get generous unsupervised access. Some of the literature also suggests that when it comes to allegations of sexual abuse in custody battles, the alleged perpetrators get sole custody in more cases than regular custody disputes. You need to tread carefully. Research sexual abuse allegations and custody. Arm yourself with knowledge so that you can make the most reasonable decisions moving forward.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 02-17-2018, 02:06 PM
HelpinAlberta HelpinAlberta is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 3
HelpinAlberta is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stillbreathing View Post
Just to warn you. Even if your ex did do something, he is innocent until proven guilty in the eyes of the law. Proving any kind of child abuse based purely on what the child says ( even if they tell a professional) is extremely difficult. That is why even if somebody is charged the crown will often place conditions on them for a year or so and they arenít actually convicted. Young Children can not be cross examined on the witness stand. If the child was in the ICU from a witnessed and video taped beating by a parent then there would be a chance of a conviction.

What your daughter revealed to you will be almost impossible to prove without concrete evidence . This in no way diminishes what she said or what has happened to her. The chances are almost 100% that if your ex pursues it, he will get generous unsupervised access. Some of the literature also suggests that when it comes to allegations of sexual abuse in custody battles, the alleged perpetrators get sole custody in more cases than regular custody disputes. You need to tread carefully. Research sexual abuse allegations and custody. Arm yourself with knowledge so that you can make the most reasonable decisions moving forward.
Any particular suggestions for reading? I'm trying to do anything I can to help myself. I know how things are stacked not in my favor here....
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 02-17-2018, 05:03 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 116
kate331 is on a distinguished road
Default

Just a laypersons perspective so take with a big grain of salt. Doesn't child porn play a big part in child sexual abuse? Did the RCMP get a search warrant to check his computers?
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 2 (0 members and 2 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Threatening court over $48?!? scarycheri Financial Issues 11 09-15-2017 07:05 PM
How to deal with Child Abuse trinton Domestic Violence 0 11-07-2016 02:03 PM
Gender Bias in court and OCL? freckles1234 Divorce & Family Law 9 06-06-2016 03:03 PM
lies of sexual abuse mcr Divorce & Family Law 12 12-17-2013 10:47 PM
Spousal/Child Support Question Jenny Divorce & Family Law 6 10-01-2013 01:01 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:33 PM.