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  • #31
    Monkees, you are not getting a lot of sympathy from the forum because most of the people here have fought tooth and nail to see their children, to be "allowed" by their co-parent to have that role.

    You replied that it is about control. I agree, it is. You are struggling to control his access to the kids, and are upset because he continues to not follow what you both agreed on. He is trying to force the issue because he feels that he has NO control. It seems to be your way or the highway. Parenting is never that rigid.

    However, if you want to do something to change the situation, file a motion to vary the consent order. He is obviously not willing to negotiate on it, so that is your next step option. At that point, you can advise the courts of his inability to follow the order and mininmize the impact of the break-up on your children. You can also seek table child support amounts.

    Every argument and all conflict cannot be attributed to one person alone. Perhaps he does it because he knows it bothers you. The moment it stops bothering you and upsetting you, he is more likely to cause less conflict, and only you have the power to stop that dangerous emotional circle.

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    • #32
      Originally posted by monkees View Post
      Anarx, not the case. I just want the order to be followed so conflict can be reduced.

      It is so sad that the majority of the people on here come with the pre-conceived notion that all mothers and ex wives are out to destroy their relationship with the dad, bleed them dry of child support, scream abuse, take the house, take the dog etc.
      Unfortunately the conflict between you is secondary to what is best for children. And what is best it appears from here is that he gets the extra day.

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      • #33
        Originally posted by monkees View Post
        Anarx, not the case. I just want the order to be followed so conflict can be reduced.

        It is so sad that the majority of the people on here come with the pre-conceived notion that all mothers and ex wives are out to destroy their relationship with the dad, bleed them dry of child support, scream abuse, take the house, take the dog etc.
        Perhaps it is more sad that the majority of people on here have dealt with mothers and ex-wives who did bleed them dry, who did destroy their relationship with their children-or do everything they could to, have screamed abuse, taken the house, the dog, and continue to do so every chance they get?

        I am a woman who has never dealt personally with the blood-sucking ex, nor have I ever been a blood-sucking ex. But I deal with my husband being seen as a paycheque and nothing more. I also work in the field, which allows me to see much worse than half of what the people on here have gone through. So pardon me for thinking that you are being unreasonable in your own quest for control. You say you don't care, that it is his relationship with his children, yet you make it so difficult for him just to spend time with his kids without an email battle over a flight difference of 4 hours?....you admitted that...that you just want him to follow the consent order...From what you have said, it appears to be more about you wanting him to respect your wishes, your needs, your demands...end of story.

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        • #34
          The conflict is half due to the desire that he follow the order to the tee, and an unwillingness to compromise...

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          • #35
            ....I do give you kudos for finding an outlet of support from other lonely bitter people.
            Gosh, that's nice, I'm sure that will inspire many more to offer their advice and support. Your original post asked for advice on what to do, you've been offered that by many people here and now you're trying to convince those people that did speak up that they are wrong because they disagree with you. It does indeed sound like a control issue - you want to be right and you want everyone else to agree with you regardless of anything else.

            You've been offered advice, you can choose to take it or not. If you prefer to battle it out with him over a few hours of one day then go for it. It's your time and your money - you can just tell the kids to sit tight and wait until mommy convinces everyone else she's right and 'wins' at the expense of the children.

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            • #36
              It really doesn't matter if he has been inflexible and on what basis, the point is you are threatening to stop your children from visiting their father and he most probably will not change their arrangements. That will be on you.

              Being the more mature parent is not always easy but it is in the best interest of your children. Suck it up and move on!

              Seriously, the worst thing that could happen for your kids is that he stops asking to see them because it's easier then dealing with you. They will pay for that emotionally the rest of their lives. I know that from personal experience.

              You have not heard what you wanted to hear from the forums but please take the advice that you have been given and do what is best for your kids.

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              • #37
                blinkandimgone-I have read through this website and it appears to me that there are a select bunch of folk, yourself included, that conduct themself with such nastiness. This could be a very benifical outlet to seek self help but unfortunatly it appears that some people are very emotionally crippled and toxic, so much so it is apparent they can not provide anything other than negativity. I really don't care if you agree or disagree with my position on this, I welcome all advice, explained my situation with as much detail as I feel comfortable with and took all valid advice to heart. (thanks again dadtotheend even though you apear to be a total jackass and InterProvincialParent).

                InterProvincialParents-Everyone has had to fight the fight in the breakup of the marriage and it can be simply devestating for everyone.

                dadtotheend-I disagree. The conflict created is not just betewen me and my ex but has seeped its way into the lives of my children who are teenagers as a result of my exs actions toward them and things he says to them. This is not in their best interests at all.

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                • #38
                  Divorce is a nasty thing, and brings out the worst in everyone, including children who learn how to pit one parent against the other.

                  You came her for advice on how to force your ex to delay his flight plans for his visit with the kids, and you got told that you are being too difficult.

                  You still think that you are right, and that he should just follow the court order. Well not all court orders are good for all situations. You bring it down to an issue of money, and claim he is doing it to be cheap. We all see it differently. Not everyone here is bitter and against women. I may come across that way in some posts, and you are giving us all a good example of why I have my opinion.

                  Have you ever thought that maybe the reason the ex wants the earlier flight is so that the kids get in at a reasonable time, and are not jet lagged for the rest of the weekend?

                  I travel a lot, and If I had a chance to get in a few hours earlier in a day, I do it. I gives me time to spend with my family that would have been lost otherwise.

                  But of course it is all about him being cheap and wanting to be difficult right?

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                  • #39
                    why is it when people go against what a poster wants to hear, we are all bitter people etc etc?? Do not come to a site and ask for advice unless you have an open mind. If you just want people to agree with you when you ask what you should do the this is not the site for you.

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                    • #40
                      Originally posted by monkees View Post
                      (thanks again dadtotheend even though you apear to be a total jackass and InterProvincialParent).
                      Wow, I hope you are reading some of the other threads that I have been posting into lately and not just basing your opinion on what I have written into this one. I have gone out of my way to be child centred with you, hoping that you would see past a measly four hours and do right by your kids.

                      Good luck to your kids.

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                      • #41
                        Been a few parents that are not child-centred of late...or are not coming across as such.

                        I offer assistance to fill out paperwork to local parents in my spare time, I offer advice...and this is the thanks we get today...wow...pushes me right towards the "fathers4justice" site...lol (being a wife-basher and all ) take it with a grain of salt, DTTE...I do

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                        • #42
                          Originally posted by Pharah View Post
                          Being the more mature parent is not always easy but it is in the best interest of your children. Suck it up and move on!
                          Amen, Brother!

                          Sometimes it hurts worse than anything to take the high road. Well, worse than anything *except* seeing your kids suffer, that is....

                          Cheers!

                          Gary

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                          • #43
                            Funny how although my advice was the same as many others' you chose to to address mine as the offensive post.

                            Either way, it's still ridiculous that you're causing such a disruption for the family unit over just a few hours' time that you don't want him to have because it isn't in the court order. If what you say is true, then you need to be thankful you're out of the relationship and regardless of what transpired between the two of you you need to seperate your feelings for him from his relationship with the children and move on.

                            If you really think he's doing it to bother you so much than don't give him the satisfaction, don't get so worked up over just a few hours or other ridiculous little things.

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                            • #44
                              Hey! I'm a jackass remember? Don't leave me out.

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                              • #45
                                I just re-read this entire thread and NOT ONE PERSON agrees with you monkees. EVERYONE who responded thinks you should give up the extra time.

                                Do you think it's all possible that you are wrong?

                                Or are you going to continue to bitch about the way your ex treats you and the court order?

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