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  • #31
    Careful FB - if you disagree you stand to be accused of your ovaries acting up!

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    • #32
      Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
      Careful FB - if you disagree you stand to be accused of your ovaries acting up!
      That would be a first...

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      • #33
        Berner_Faith,

        Thanks for clarifying. You don't hear from the Mom because a) she has all the control and time with the kids, as you said your partner is a weekend Dad so that also means she is the custodial parent b) there is a difference between decisions made in your home as it is your home as well than writing letters giving permission when you don't have signing authority to a third party. Outside of what goes on in your home, stay out of the parenting rights of the Mom and Dad. Then it will be a village

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        • #34
          Yikes, I didn't mean to open such a can of worms. To each their own I suppose

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          • #35
            Careful FB - if you disagree you stand to be accused of your ovaries acting up!
            hahahahahahaha. Yea FB, you're manstruating or having manopause.

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            • #36
              Originally posted by DontGiveUp View Post
              Yikes, I didn't mean to open such a can of worms. To each their own I suppose
              Meh - get used to it. There are some very entertaining threads on here.

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              • #37
                legally, only the parents have guardianship over their child. When you marry a man with a child, you only marry them. You do not have a legal relationship with the child. That doesn't mean you can't babysit/watch them, but you have no legal standing. For example if the child was hurt and at the hosptial with the wife of the father, and neither the father or mother were available for consent (for an operation for example), the decision is made by another family member or the hosiptal if no one can be located. Practicially the hospital would listen to the 'step parent' and take these position into consideration, however, if they thought differently, they may legally proceed in contradition to the 'step parent'. As for school, the parent can call and arrange pickup etc by another approved person. The step parent has no more rights than the next door neighbour to 'parent' the child.

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                • #38
                  My point and belief of the law as well. But the OCL lawyer told me that is not the case.

                  My point is that the children have two people already with parenting authority, if one of them is not available, the other should be asked and the step-parent should mind their own business and stay out of the parenting of the Mom and Dad. Whatever they want to do in their household is their own business, outside of their home with third parties, sorry step-parents are not legal guardians unless given that through court application. That is just the way it is.

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                  • #39
                    Signing a permission slip for a school activity and authorizing surgery are two totally different things.

                    My ex put her new BF on the pickup list with the school. I probably could say something but why the hell would I care if he picks them up on my exes days. Could he pick them up on my days...I suppose he could, but what does it matter.

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                    • #40
                      I disagree. They are the same thing in this sense: they are interfering in the parenting of the children by the 2 parents. It is not 3 or 4 parents. You allow them to interfere in your parenting rights with a permission slip and one day could your ex's bf being driving away with the kids for good? You don't know him, you didn't pick him, the kids didn't pick him, your ex did. Sorry no difference in the end, he doesn't have the authority by law.

                      A respectful step-parent would not interfere in the parenting authority of the 2 parents. It's none of their business. Does your ex's bf go instead of you to parent / teacher interviews? It is no different. Don't complain about the system if you don't speak up when someone oversteps their boundaries.

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                      • #41
                        It is clear who creates conflict. I understand that some new partners create issues, however when you are with someone with children, I am sorry but you are also responsible for those children. I am with my partner and understand he is a package deal and that means ALL the time, not just when it is convenient for me.

                        Those children have become just as much a part of my life and they are to their mother and father. I treat them like my own, why wouldn't I? Some people need to take a step back and realize that sometimes it is not the new partner who causes the drama, it is the other parent.

                        Someone getting up in arms because a step-parent signed a permission form when their spouse was not available is causing drama. Let it go.

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                        • #42
                          That's fine to treat them like your own and in your own home do whatever you want but stay out of the out of home parenting and authority type items of the kids, you don't have the legal right or responsibility. If you want your kids to have authority over, go make them.

                          Typically female response, when you're the one living with and seeing "your kids" less than 25% of the time while someone else gets to have them by default of a relationship with their parent maybe you'll "get it". But oh wait, what is the small percentage of women with their kids as little as 25% of the time?

                          I love how because someone marries someone and lives with the kids of that partner they are "magically" their own. You're not a replacement parent for their Mom/Dad unless they left their lives.

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                          • #43
                            Berner_Faith

                            I'm sorry but they are his children under legal language of custody and authority. It's great that you are involved in their lives and treat them like they are your own but legally they are not.

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                            • #44
                              Originally posted by SystemReform View Post
                              I disagree. They are the same thing in this sense: they are interfering in the parenting of the children by the 2 parents. It is not 3 or 4 parents. You allow them to interfere in your parenting rights with a permission slip and one day could your ex's bf being driving away with the kids for good? You don't know him, you didn't pick him, the kids didn't pick him, your ex did. Sorry no difference in the end, he doesn't have the authority by law.

                              A respectful step-parent would not interfere in the parenting authority of the 2 parents. It's none of their business. Does your ex's bf go instead of you to parent / teacher interviews? It is no different. Don't complain about the system if you don't speak up when someone oversteps their boundaries.
                              Your're right my ex did and she has shared custody of our children. I don't get to pick her bf or tell her what to do with decisions while the children are in her care. If she wants to let him sign a permission slip or pick the kids up from school on her time there is nothing to stop her.

                              What am I going to do take her to court. That's a great way to get hit with costs.

                              You're right he could go and steal my children. That is a risk, hell my ex could go steal the children. I don't know him and I have no right to know him. My ex as a shared custody parent is permitted to make decision about her life and the childrens' lives when it relates to her parenting time. If you don't like it go get SOLE custody.

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                              • #45
                                My wife helps me parent during my parenting time. Should I need to go out, she looks after my D8. I should not have to call my ex to come get D8 because I choose to be gone for a few hours during my parenting time (which has honestly never happened).

                                Step parents are not parties to the parenting agreement or court order, thus step parents are not entitled to make decisions which are covered under the agreement/order. They are legal strangers. However, should a parent delegate some authority NOT covered under the agreement during THEIR parenting time to a step parent, that parent is entitled to do so. Each parent is entitled to make day-to-day decisions regarding the children within their household as they deem fit.

                                I guess it really comes down to what the stepparent is doing. If they are authorizing surgery or trying to switch churches or schools, than they are not permitted. But if a parent delegates their authority to do things like pick up the children during their parenting time (as they know they may or may not be able to ensure they are there), then they can do so.

                                We want to minimize each parents involvement with the other where they cannot otherwise agree/co-parent, not create more issues by forcing them to make concessions when reasonable alternatives exist that would eliminate needless contact between the parents (which would likely cause more acrimony).

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