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Going for restraining order today

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  • Going for restraining order today

    After three years of dealing with threats, taunts, people driving my house to intimidate, I am fed up. My ex wifes most recent partner verbally threatened me yesterday and I finally did the right thing and filed a police report. This is the second time he has done this.

    The first occassion was last summer; he kept driving by my home and staring at my fiancee who was out gardening. We videotaped him, got his plate and contacted the police who made a report. Later that day I called my ex to ask her to tell him to stop driving by. Her and her partner and the kids were grocery shopping at the time and he took the phone, threatened me and invited me to come and fight. All in front of the kids.

    Yesterday, my ex decided to violate our court order, the 6th time she has done so. Each time she does this she drives the kids to her partners so I won't find them (according to my son). I suggested to her that if they there I would go there with the court order in hand and ask for my kids. At that point her partner absolutely went ballistic. Screaming into the phone "I will fuck you up", "I will beat the shit out of you"....plenty more threats but I don't need to list them all. I wish I had my recorder with me but I really didn't expect that this would happen. Lesson learned.

    I went to the police station and wrote a report. The officer who took the report had a seat with me in the lobby and asked about our custody arrangement....which is joint and 50/50 access. At that point she asked that I read between the lines as she couldn't tell me certain things due to confidentiality. She stated, "this man is dangerous, go to the courthouse tomorrow to file a restraining order, and if I was you, fight for custody". This woman was extremely concerned about my children being around this man. The police have also mentioned concerns about my ex in the past.

    What would the courts need to see or hear to make them revamp a court ordered custody arrangement? The reaction of the officer, and the anger level of the guy and some of his tantrums I have heard about from my kids honestly has me scared for my kids.

  • #2
    Sounds like a bonafide psycho. I hope you can successfully get a TRO. It is understandable that you have valid concerns re: your kids. Is the guy on steroids or something?

    Good Luck Teddie

    PS: have you had any CAS involvement? And does your ex live with this winner?

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    • #3
      Originally posted by hadenough View Post
      Sounds like a bonafide psycho. I hope you can successfully get a TRO. It is understandable that you have valid concerns re: your kids. Is the guy on steroids or something?

      Good Luck Teddie

      PS: have you had any CAS involvement? And does your ex live with this winner?
      CAS was involved a year and a half ago. I filed a complaint after my youngest woke up to my ex and her previous partner physically fighting in the hall way. She hit her partner over the head with a hard object and they both fell to the ground. My oldest regularly complained being hit in the face by my wife. The file was open for 3 months, I was told by cas that I did the right thing and eventually the file was closed.

      For whatever reason the courts still thought our current custody arrangement was good, probably because as soon as cas began the investigation the partner left. Recently my kids have told me he has been coming around again even though she is dating the guy who threatened me yesterday.

      My ex has now called cas claiming that 2 weeks ago, during a family dinner at my home when the kids were playing downstairs, my oldest and another boy of the same age had sex. Logistically I see no way this could have happened as there were 12 people in a 1500 sq ft. home but I will cooperate with cas. My ex has not allowed my son to discuss the matter with me and is currently witholding access, violating our court order and going against the cas recommendation that she not withhold access to my son (I have an email from cas saying that they do agree with her withholding access but they can't stop her either). There is something very fishy going on and I would like to hear the details from my son himself. I told the cas that I would ensure the 2 boys have no contact until the investigation is over.

      I called my ex yesterday to tell her of my intention to exercise my parental rights and if that meant driving around to potential spots where the kids may be, then I would do so. That is when her partner went crazy.

      My ex does not live with him but according to the kids he sleeps over most times and is often the person caring for them as she works shift work.

      Comment


      • #4
        I have never spoken to this man, I've never emailed him, called him, text messaged him.....nothing. I know she has obviously built me up into a terrible person with the stories that she probably tells him but the hatred level is insane. I have never said anything bad about him to the kids except to say that the tantrums they tell me about are not acceptable.

        My fiancee is very creeped out by him, especially after he repeatedly drove past our home staring at her when he knew I was not there. After she heard him screaming into the phone yesterday she said, "if you don't do something I will, file a report".

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        • #5
          Quite the outlandish allegation. That's really sick. Try to remain calm. It must be very stressful.

          How old are the kids now Teddie?

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          • #6
            My ex and I have a contentious relationship. We don't talk - at all. I hear you. My ex's wife despises me - I used to get nutty emails/texts/vm's from her. I've never met the dumb bitch!?? I've never spoken to her except once for like 5 minutes (a few years ago, over the phone). I did get the police involved and that shut her pie-hole - but your situation more challenging.

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            • #7
              I sent you a PM. Read that case from top to bottom.

              Edit: quote by OP: "I have an email from cas saying that they do agree with her withholding access but they can't stop her either)" ** to clarify - I'm sure you meant to say they do NOT agree, right? ..
              Last edited by hadenough; 03-18-2013, 11:55 AM.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by hadenough View Post
                I sent you a PM. Read that case from top to bottom.

                Edit: quote by OP: "I have an email from cas saying that they do agree with her withholding access but they can't stop her either)" ** to clarify - I'm sure you meant to say they do NOT agree, right? ..
                Sorry, yes I meant they do NOT agree.

                Thanks

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                • #9
                  You don't need to file a restraining order.

                  If he used those words, you can simply have him charged with uttering threats.

                  I believe that would be more effective for you.

                  As I recall, you have 6 months from any given incident to have him charged.

                  Call up the cops, and ask about the previous incident you filed with them, and it it would be possible to have charges laid. Otherwise, the next time he threatens you, charge him.

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                  • #10
                    ^ that is true. If time has passed, they can use their discretion and make a historical arrest. That was definitely uttering a threat.

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                    • #11
                      Good advice from Hadenough and Otis. I agree - don't dick around. Have him charged.

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                      • #12
                        With regard to CAS. I had five calls, 2 investigations against me. Both were closed and CAS remained neutral at trial stating they had no issues with either parent.
                        When an ex uses CAS as an excuse to withhold access, use CAS against them.
                        Go and cooperate with CAS, if they say to you that they don't have a protection concern with you. Immediately ask them for that in writing with a letter using there letterhead simply stating that at this time they don't have any protection concerns against you, and that you will pick it up at the office rather than waiting for it to come in the mail.
                        I'm guessing the same goes the other way. If CAS has a protection concern against your ex, simple ask CAS to state in a letter the same, that at this time they have a open protection concern. CAS won't in either case state what the concern is, but they should inform you in writing.
                        I have even gotten a letter from CAS, which contained a summary of their involvement with just dates of calls and timeline for protection concerns both open and closed dates.
                        Given your people skills and the neutrality and skill of the CAS work you can sometimes get a little more information. Once again in my CAS the CAS worker was highly skilled. When the Office of the Children's Lawyer assessor actually called CAS to report myself after I allegedly left our child in the car while paying for gas, she called and stated CAS's position on the matter, "basically don't do it."
                        I knew enough with regard to my case worker to know that she felt that she could disclose the name of any professional who called because they have a professional obligation to report.
                        The same held true when a doctor in the emergency reported our child becuase of a picture of bruise my ex's sister had shown a doctor on one of our children's arms or leg can't remember.
                        All this I knew about before the OCL disclosed the CAS notes.

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                        • #13
                          I was contacted by an investigator yesterday and they told me that the officer I originally spoke with was telling me the wrong information and that the guy I reported is not a danger. So one of the two officers is wrong and I will have to call back the first person I spoke with.

                          The investigator heard me out but would not agree to charges because it was a "he said, she said" type of thing. I know that it will happen again and I'm tired of dealing with this, with my ex and her partner denying everything. All that happened was he was asked to not contact me in any way.

                          From here on out, every phone call will be recorded because without solid evidence, the police will do nothing.

                          From the sounds of it, I may have a difficult time getting a restraining order. The police really are not taking any of this seriously.

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                          • #14
                            ^ then that prob works out well for you, SH ^ I'm sure everybody appreciates you sharing that

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                            • #15
                              Was Teddie (OP) successful in getting the restraining order yesterday?

                              Comment

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