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50/50 Equal Parenting: The Debate

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  • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
    So psychological harm to your children is okay but not abuse? Please help us understand. Just how different are the two?
    Originally posted by trinton View Post
    I fear this is another question she is going to dodge.
    Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
    Question: if you feel I have provided "few details" as stated above, then how could you possibly be equipped to comment on what's best in my case?
    To be clear, no one here is going to be able to truly comment on what's best on your case. No one has the other side of the story. We can only go based on the information we have.

    Comment


    • I would politely ask that we keep this thread on topic.

      Trinton, no need to feed in to them.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
        I would politely ask that we keep this thread on topic.

        Trinton, no need to feed in to them.
        Good advice.

        Originally posted by SadAndTired View Post
        And by the way, I believe blinkandiamgone is a woman.
        Whatever blinkandimgone is , he/she or it is very helpful. even if it is an alien. She wouldn't be the only women on this forum who I am a fan of. I also think highly of arabian and Rioe. They just seem to get it.
        Last edited by trinton; 01-12-2017, 10:15 PM.

        Comment


        • back on topic.

          UNLESS there is ABUSE/PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE/HARM (or whatever you want to call it)

          [15] There is no issue that the children’s time with both parents should be maximized as much as possible: see s. 16(10) of the Divorce Act. It is also true that shared custody is becoming increasingly frequent, especially in light of the fact that in today’s world both parents often work and equally share care of the children.

          https://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/do...&resultIndex=2
          Last edited by trinton; 01-12-2017, 10:12 PM.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by trinton View Post
            Good advice.



            Whatever blinkandimgone is , he/she or it is very helpful. even if it is an alien.
            Yes, Blink is an amazing moderator and always presents amazing advice. I bet she even knows what a debate is "a formal discussion on a particular topic in a in which opposing arguments are put forward" ... exactly like we've done here with Ange and other posters.

            I like your finding below Trinton. Very nice.

            [15] There is no issue that the children’s time with both parents should be maximized as much as possible: see s. 16(10) of the Divorce Act. It is also true that shared custody is becoming increasingly frequent, especially in light of the fact that in today’s world both parents often work and equally share care of the children.
            https://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/do...&resultIndex=2
            Last edited by LovingFather32; 01-12-2017, 10:14 PM.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by SadAndTired View Post

              And by the way, I believe blinkandiamgone is a woman.
              This is true.


              In the spirit of getting this debate back on track and keeping it there, going to dial it back to this post and invite everyone to post their supporting or opposing opinions of the TOPICS, not the posters.

              I would also invite everyone to make liberal use of the ignore button and feel free to use the 'report a post' if there is something inappropriate posted.

              Thanks a bunch.

              Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
              I would be silly to allow this thread to be derailed.

              Let's continue,

              I will outline some points that support my stance on 50/50.



              Attachment:

              All parents strive for their children to develop healthy attachments. The more healthy attachments chidlren have, the healthier they are in almost every aspect of development, (socio-emotionally, etc). Children require a sense of security from an early age right on through adolescence.



              One of the grand debates. This one kind fo surprized me also. Which is more important, the quantity or quality of time spent wth the kids?

              Quality Vs. Quantity:

              Interestingly, many stidies showed:



              For healthy attchments and bonds to take place:



              And for the parent's who only use the term and allow "visitation"...



              Having more than one healthy attachment figure means that children have more individuals in their life to confide in, and be comforted by in times of anxiety, pain, etc.

              50/50 facilitates parent's well-being:

              This was another piece of information and study I did not know about:


              Children need 2 healthy parents. ^^

              Court: No more Winnign and losing:

              To me, this is one of the most influential things that could ever happen. No more custody Olympics.



              Also, tons of studies to back that up.

              "

              I especially love this finding:



              Studies showed that Equal Parent's had the best overall satisfaction in life:



              So much good information. I think I'll keep reading through peeer-reviewed academic journals. Very good reads.

              Sources:
              Bauserman, R. (2012). "A meta-analysis of parental satisfaction, adjustment, and conflict in joint custody and sole custody following divorce," Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, 53, 464-488.

              Fabricius, W.V. et al (2011). “Parenting time, parent conflict, parent-child relationships, and children’s physical health.” In Kuehnle, K. & Drozd, L. (Eds.), Parenting Plan Evaluations: Applied Research for the Family Court. New York: Oxford University Press.
              https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ld-attachments

              Comment


              • Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                This is true.


                In the spirit of getting this debate back on track and keeping it there, going to dial it back to this post and invite everyone to post their supporting or opposing opinions of the TOPICS, not the posters.

                I would also invite everyone to make liberal use of the ignore button and feel free to use the 'report a post' if there is something inappropriate posted.

                Thanks a bunch.
                Thanks for that blink.

                And to add to that point, I think there is overlap of the topics and the posters, where the posters are currently involved in a 50/50 dispute. Posters will obviously come here and make a reference to their case, and as expected, people will comment on it.

                Comment


                • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                  When my situation went 50/50, it's as if the sun came out. We just started co parenting very amicably and easily. She was extremely high conflict and we weren't getting a long before that, then suddenly we were fine. It's like equal parenting relieved all this pressure.
                  When the game is over, you don't keep trying to score goals. The pressure is off.

                  As long as there was a purpose to her behaviour (winning in court) she was going to keep it cranked full blast. When she conceded, she stopped campaigning.

                  It wasn't the equal parenting itself that relieved pressure, it was the fight ending. I'm sure had she miraculously won full access and kept you EoW, she would have been all sunshine too.
                  Last edited by Rioe; 01-12-2017, 11:13 PM.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by trinton View Post
                    Again, this is a debate. This thread, in this forum is for discussing the political aspects of divorce: reform to divorce laws, men's rights, women's rights, injustices in the divorce system, etc. We are discussing politics. Why do women really deny 50/50? What motivates them to do so?
                    My non-gender-specific theories:
                    • They hate their ex more than they love their children.
                    • They were the primary caregiver during the marriage and don't believe this should change after divorce.
                    • They built their primary identity around being a parent and don't want to give that up.
                    • They are greedy and want the increased CS of over 60% access, and/or not to pay their ex offset if they are the greater income.
                    • They blame their ex for the marriage breakdown and see withholding the children and/or receiving CS as emotionally and/or financially punitive.
                    • They feel their ex has abandoned the family by ending the relationship, so the children should also stay behind.
                    • When they decided to have children, they undertook it as a full-time lifetime commitment which they are now being denied.
                    • Their ex cheated and they don't want an affair partner helping raise their children.
                    • They want to avoid the pain of having their children taken away, even if it's only half the time.
                    • They believe their ex is a worse parent than them, and the children will suffer at the other house.
                    • They treat the children like possessions they don't want to share.
                    • They have weird traditional beliefs about children automatically staying with mothers, or fathers having ownership of the children.
                    • They believe their ex cares more about avoiding full CS than the children.

                    Comment


                    • You can also add that by having the children taken 50% of the time it prevents them from continuing their victim complex as a poor overworked single parent.

                      Comment


                      • Why is LF banned again...this was his thread and was very interesting.
                        He had a lot of good points that I have found so useful for my son who will be going back to court for more access.

                        LF tried several times but one moderator was determined to derail it and bash LF as she has on many other occasions.

                        LF contributes so much to this forum and it is about time that moderators respect his input and put aside their own grudges...kinda like him having another ex that needs to love this forum more than than she hates LF.

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                        • I was hoping to do a bit of a take-down on LF32 and Triton's respective positions..... we all tend to be biased in our views based on personal experience. That is ok but what I really have a problem with is when people make blanket statements that all women in child custody disputes are gatekeepers. The thing about family law is that once you get in front of a judge at trial (which very few people encounter aside from their experiences in case conferences) the case is judged on individual facts and case law. We all know this and I therefore cannot comprehend why some people can't present their arguments with this in mind.

                          Perhaps this (banning) is a temporary thing.

                          Comment


                          • Arabian I hope indeed it is temporary. I understand there are always two sides but when you are dealing with a "gatekeeper" it is sometimes hard to believe that some mothers can be reasonable.

                            For those of us with the "gatekeeper" threads like this one offer so much hope from other posters that the court system is changing and so much insight into how to deal with the system.

                            LF tried a couple of time to get the thread back on track but only to be derailed again and again. The thread is 50/50 which there aren't many moms on here giving a thumbs up! I agree there are many good moms out there but for those of us fighting for even an extra hour all this information is priceless.

                            Comment


                            • Shirley, if you want to debate a topic, you aren't going to simply have women rush over and give thumbs up. Why would you expect that when they are looking to discuss the topic? They don't need to talk to the people who agree with them, they need to talk with the people who don't agree. And I did read posts from women saying 50:50 works.

                              But, in my opinion, understanding why women might gatekeep requires careful listening to opposing opinions in order to understand their position. Once you can see the other side's position you can begin to strategize against it. Attacking one poster in particular only silences other people whose perspective and opinions may have been helpful to you. It's self sabotaging LF's debate.

                              Jeff is the only one who can ban someone from the site. I saw last night that Jeff was on the thread reading it. He can speak for himself but if I had to guess it was the fact that LF kept repeatedly addressing Ange's posts. In addition he brought in and spoke about Mr. Toronto's childhood (private, irrelevant and Mr. T wasn't even on the thread). LF has been repeatedly warned to follow the TOS. I am sure he understood the risks before his posts.
                              Last edited by SadAndTired; 01-13-2017, 10:52 AM.

                              Comment


                              • I found this article (2014) to be interesting. Note the comments at the end of the article.

                                Something that struck me was the tax implications. I often wondered why payor of child support doesn't get a tax break.

                                Focus: Equal shared parenting bill defeated

                                Comment

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