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Basic necessities of life. Not paying mortgage on matrimonial home

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  • Basic necessities of life. Not paying mortgage on matrimonial home

    Hello,
    After two years of trying, we finally went to court. At trial, I got the only thing I cared about: joint custody.
    This didn't come for cheap. I lost all my life's savings, my ex is purposely unemployed and I have to pay her about 65% of my net monthly income in combined child and spousal support, but I get to see my son 7 days out of every 14. He lives with her in the matrimonial home.
    I moved out in March 2013 and had always been paying for all bills (mortgage, car loans, insurance, hydro, etc, since separation in September 2011 and up until November 2013). November 2013 was my first child/spousal support payment. Despite being in receipt of this payment, she is refusing to pay for the mortgage and bills in any way.
    As I owe her an equalization payment, she wants my interest in the matrimonial home to be used in lieu. I agree to that as long as the price set is agreeable to me. Our home is valued at $350,000. She wants to buy me out for $310,000. So as we have not agreed on a price, we have to sell the house on the market. She is not agreeing to that.
    I offered to buy out her interest to protect the asset, she is refusing to sell to me. She wants me to pay the support, plus all bills. She has indicated that she would be willing to pay 1/2 of the bills. I cannot do that. I just don't have the money.
    When I was not living there and paying 100% everything, I never once asked her to come up with a payment. Now that she gets the money for the expenses directly, she does not pay any of these things. I don't care about the assets or the equity. My credit will be damaged and so be it I will sue her for damages. I cannot pay 65% of my income, and then spend the rest on bills for her to live. I need to get a place of my own. As I have spent all my savings, I am staying with my father until the end of the year, following which I'm getting a basement apartment in January.
    So can I bring a motion forward asking for a change in the custody issue as she is failing to provide for my son's necessities of life?
    Last edited by c800957276; 11-21-2013, 10:37 AM. Reason: made a mistake.

  • #2
    No. I don't believe you can mix money with access/custody (other more experienced posters with CS experience will likely comment).

    You should get an order that the house be appraised and immediately sold. To save time, see if you can have a statement in the order dealing with equalization and occupational rent. Your lawyer should know what to do.

    Is the home in both of your names? Sadly there is little you can do to compel her to make the mortgage payment. Does she get enough combined CS and SS to even make the mortgage payment and pay the utility bills? If the house goes into foreclosure then the proceeds (if any) would be held in trust. Mortgage is paid, then lawyers then the rest would be divided.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by c800957276 View Post
      Hello,
      After two years of trying, we finally went to court. At trial, I got the only thing I cared about: joint custody.
      This didn't come for cheap. I lost all my life's savings, my ex is purposely unemployed and I have to pay her about 65% of my net monthly income in combined child and spousal support, but I get to see my son 7 days out of every 14. He lives with her in the matrimonial home.
      I moved out in March 2013 and had always been paying for all bills (mortgage, car loans, insurance, hydro, etc, since separation in September 2011 and up until November 2013). November 2013 was my first child/spousal support payment. Despite being in receipt of this payment, she is refusing to pay for the mortgage and bills in any way.
      As I owe her an equalization payment, she wants my interest in the matrimonial home to be used in lieu. I agree to that as long as the price set is agreeable to me. Our home is valued at $350,000. She wants to buy me out for $310,000. So as we have not agreed on a price, we have to sell the house on the market. She is not agreeing to that.
      I offered to buy out her interest to protect the asset, she is refusing to sell to me. She wants me to pay the support, plus all bills. She has indicated that she would be willing to pay 1/2 of the bills. I cannot do that. I just don't have the money.
      When I was not living there and paying 100% everything, I never once asked her to come up with a payment. Now that she gets the money for the expenses directly, she does not pay any of these things. I don't care about the assets or the equity. My credit will be damaged and so be it I will sue her for damages. I cannot pay 65% of my income, and then spend the rest on bills for her to live. I need to get a place of my own. As I have spent all my savings, I am staying with my father until the end of the year, following which I'm getting a basement apartment in January.
      So can I bring a motion forward asking for a change in the custody issue as she is failing to provide for my son's necessities of life?
      You say you are paying support of 65% which seems really high. It doesn't make any sense when you say you have access of 50%, which means you should be paying child support under the offset rule.

      Comment


      • #4
        Here's what I suggest. You are financially separated now that you have moved out after having gotten a custody and access agreement. You now pay offset CS and SS. Do not pay anything else.

        She's on her own for her expenses now. Close any utilities for the marital home that are still in your name and let her open her own accounts. (Give her notice this is coming.) Get your name off her car, insurance, etc. If she doesn't pay her bills, then the consequences are on her.

        You're stuck if she doesn't pay the mortgage, because you don't want your credit damaged. But keep track of every payment that ought to be hers and take the accumulated amount out of any equalization you owe her after the sale of the home.

        Comment


        • #5
          No, you can't use custody as leverage for financial matters. If you really think your child is not getting the necessities of life, you should call children's services to investigate.

          It does sounds like you're paying a lot, considering that you have 50/50 custody. You should be paying only offset CS, proportional S7 and whatever SS has been ordered. I can't see why your ex should expect you to continue paying all the bills for the home you both own but only she lives in. Her occupational rent (some more experienced posters can explain that) should offset the mortgage and other costs of the home.

          It sounds like you might want to invest in some time with a lawyer.

          Originally posted by c800957276 View Post
          Hello,
          After two years of trying, we finally went to court. At trial, I got the only thing I cared about: joint custody.
          This didn't come for cheap. I lost all my life's savings, my ex is purposely unemployed and I have to pay her about 65% of my net monthly income in combined child and spousal support, but I get to see my son 7 days out of every 14. He lives with her in the matrimonial home.
          I moved out in March 2013 and had always been paying for all bills (mortgage, car loans, insurance, hydro, etc, since separation in September 2011 and up until November 2013). November 2013 was my first child/spousal support payment. Despite being in receipt of this payment, she is refusing to pay for the mortgage and bills in any way.
          As I owe her an equalization payment, she wants my interest in the matrimonial home to be used in lieu. I agree to that as long as the price set is agreeable to me. Our home is valued at $350,000. She wants to buy me out for $310,000. So as we have not agreed on a price, we have to sell the house on the market. She is not agreeing to that.
          I offered to buy out her interest to protect the asset, she is refusing to sell to me. She wants me to pay the support, plus all bills. She has indicated that she would be willing to pay 1/2 of the bills. I cannot do that. I just don't have the money.
          When I was not living there and paying 100% everything, I never once asked her to come up with a payment. Now that she gets the money for the expenses directly, she does not pay any of these things. I don't care about the assets or the equity. My credit will be damaged and so be it I will sue her for damages. I cannot pay 65% of my income, and then spend the rest on bills for her to live. I need to get a place of my own. As I have spent all my savings, I am staying with my father until the end of the year, following which I'm getting a basement apartment in January.
          So can I bring a motion forward asking for a change in the custody issue as she is failing to provide for my son's necessities of life?

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Rioe View Post
            Here's what I suggest. You are financially separated now that you have moved out after having gotten a custody and access agreement. You now pay offset CS and SS. Do not pay anything else.

            She's on her own for her expenses now. Close any utilities for the marital home that are still in your name and let her open her own accounts. (Give her notice this is coming.) Get your name off her car, insurance, etc. If she doesn't pay her bills, then the consequences are on her.

            You're stuck if she doesn't pay the mortgage, because you don't want your credit damaged. But keep track of every payment that ought to be hers and take the accumulated amount out of any equalization you owe her after the sale of the home.
            This ^^

            She has to put on her big-girl pants and start acting like an adult. You are responsible to pay her SS and off-set CS pursuant to your order/agreement. With that money, she is responsible to pay her own way.

            As Roie stated, get your name off the utilities. You don't live there, you aren't responsible for them. Send her an email providing that you have taken your name off of all utilities relating to the house as of December and that she will be responsible for contacting the utilities companies to open accounts in her name going forward.

            Get your name off of her car insurance. Last thing you want is her to be in an accident and you get dinged with higher rates.

            As for the value of the house, offer that each party get an independent appraiser to value the house at their own cost. Not just a realtor, a registered appraiser. Although some realtors are also appraisers. Once you both appraisals that you will agree to negotiate an amount based off of those appraisals. Or, just make her an offer to buy her out at the same amount she is offering you. If it is good for the goose.....

            Comment


            • #7
              Don't be a sucker. She lives there, not you. It was not much of a trial if the issue of the mortgage and the fate of the home was not addressed at all.

              She offered to buy you out for 310k, you said no. I presume you also offered to buy her out for 310k, and she said no. In which case your position is that the house must be sold, and the first offer received close to market value must be accepted.

              You are under no obligation to pay any of the bills on the home. Moreover, it's financially impossible for you to do so. As was stated, cancel all utilities that are in your name. She can have them reinstated in her name. It would be polite to notify her when you do this.

              Since you are already under court order to pay the support, you can't pay the mortgage as well. If she chooses to allow the house to be foreclosed, it will hurt both of you. It happens in divorce. Besides, paying the level of support you are under, I assume you will not be in a position to get another mortgage for many years anyways so being foreclosed may not matter in the long term... if she allows it to happen.

              You need to try to put yourself in a position to have a future life of some kind, and that means putting the old one to bed for good.
              Last edited by FightingForFamily; 11-21-2013, 12:19 PM.

              Comment


              • #8
                Fighting for family - good post. I had to laugh though as you probably intended your last word, in your last paragraph to be "good" but it's interesting how the word "food" is quite appropriate in this thread.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Edited it... guess I was hungry. Almost lunch time

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by arabian View Post
                    No. I don't believe you can mix money with access/custody (other more experienced posters with CS experience will likely comment).

                    You should get an order that the house be appraised and immediately sold. To save time, see if you can have a statement in the order dealing with equalization and occupational rent. Your lawyer should know what to do.

                    Is the home in both of your names? Sadly there is little you can do to compel her to make the mortgage payment. Does she get enough combined CS and SS to even make the mortgage payment and pay the utility bills? If the house goes into foreclosure then the proceeds (if any) would be held in trust. Mortgage is paid, then lawyers then the rest would be divided.
                    Yes, the house is in both our names, and she gets enough. I used to spend roughly $2500 in bills (mortgage, car loan, insurance, etc). She is getting over $3000.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by DowntroddenDad View Post
                      You say you are paying support of 65% which seems really high. It doesn't make any sense when you say you have access of 50%, which means you should be paying child support under the offset rule.
                      My income includes a bonus that is payable at the end of the year, and I put it into an RRSP. However, my T4 doesn't differentiate, so my annual T4 income appears higher than it actually is. As a result, the net figure from my paycheque is 61%. 65 is a typo.
                      This calculation assumes that I have an extra $1000 monthly in my pocket, which isn't accurate because I only get the bonus at year end and into RRSP. So yes, it sucks, but she was awarded support for 18 months only. So I'll manage.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by FightingForFamily View Post
                        Don't be a sucker. She lives there, not you. It was not much of a trial if the issue of the mortgage and the fate of the home was not addressed at all.

                        She offered to buy you out for 310k, you said no. I presume you also offered to buy her out for 310k, and she said no. In which case your position is that the house must be sold, and the first offer received close to market value must be accepted.

                        You are under no obligation to pay any of the bills on the home. Moreover, it's financially impossible for you to do so. As was stated, cancel all utilities that are in your name. She can have them reinstated in her name. It would be polite to notify her when you do this.

                        Since you are already under court order to pay the support, you can't pay the mortgage as well. If she chooses to allow the house to be foreclosed, it will hurt both of you. It happens in divorce. Besides, paying the level of support you are under, I assume you will not be in a position to get another mortgage for many years anyways so being foreclosed may not matter in the long term... if she allows it to happen.

                        You need to try to put yourself in a position to have a future life of some kind, and that means putting the old one to bed for good.
                        There is an order signed on the last day of trial that gives her the option to buy my interest in the house after equalization was decided, within 30 days. Of course, we have to agree on a price. That's the tricky part. She does not want to meet me half way. I told her that I'll give her the house and contents and throw in a car if she agrees to $325000 (1/2 way between her appraisal at $315K, and my lowest at $335K). She said "over my dead body"...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          But of course, she is purposely unemployed. I know it, she knows it, everyone knows it, but there is no proof. So the judge saw that and only gave her support for 18 months. If evidence were available...
                          Though she has accused me in the past of "manhandling" her, which isn't true. She actually assaulted me but I couldn't prove it. She was arrested, no charges. So because of this, I carry a recorder on my at all times when I'm around her. On the day after the endorsement was issued she met me at my son's swimming lesson and actually frisked me looking for the recorder. She didn't find it, and then berated and confessed that she is not going to work, and that she will alienate my child.
                          It's such a long, long story...

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by c800957276 View Post
                            My income includes a bonus that is payable at the end of the year, and I put it into an RRSP. However, my T4 doesn't differentiate, so my annual T4 income appears higher than it actually is. As a result, the net figure from my paycheque is 61%. 65 is a typo.
                            This calculation assumes that I have an extra $1000 monthly in my pocket, which isn't accurate because I only get the bonus at year end and into RRSP. So yes, it sucks, but she was awarded support for 18 months only. So I'll manage.
                            You can bet that she will try to "double dip" here so keep your documentation.

                            So you have been to trial already?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by arabian View Post
                              You can bet that she will try to "double dip" here so keep your documentation.

                              So you have been to trial already?
                              Yes, done that. As someone told me: "beware, it is only the beginning"...

                              Comment

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