Originally posted by mcdreamy
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My 9 yr old son wants to come to my place instead of his Mom's.
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etOriginally posted by Mess View PostWow. Hey, it's Friday night, shouldn't we all be out partying?
an exciting night here!Last edited by mcdreamy; 10-26-2012, 08:01 PM. Reason: ETA: grrr why does my keyboard changeÉ punctuationÉStart a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.
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I'm late to the party, so I'm not drunk yet, and I'd like to stay on topic.
Feelings aside, and reasons for him wanting to be at your house instead of his mother's aside as well, there are safety issues here.
Tell him that you understand his issues, but that they are expecting him at the other house and you are not expecting him to come to yours. So if he gets on the wrong bus, they will worry about him. And you may not even be home! What if you had an errand to run or a doctor's appointment, and weren't home when he got off the bus because you weren't expecting him?
What you are talking about is not just manipulating the courts to side with you when the time comes to give him some say in the matter, it sounds a bit like manipulating your son as well. Part of your job as a parent is to support the other parent (and family) in your child's eyes as well.
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Originally posted by Rioe View PostI'm late to the party, so I'm not drunk yet, and I'd like to stay on topic.
Feelings aside, and reasons for him wanting to be at your house instead of his mother's aside as well, there are safety issues here..
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so seriously, folks, if a nine year old said they wanted to run away and join the circus would you just go with it? What they want has to be addressed, but that can mean saying "no." What is the right thing to do here? Take advantage of a situation to screw your ex out of custody?
Have a heart to heart with your child, explain that they have two parents, two homes, and that is the reality.
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@Mess,
Not sure where you are going with the circus thing. Completely different scenario.
A 'heart to heart' talk with my son won't work when it makes no sense to him. He is already causing issues at her house with her 'double standards'. He points out the logic fail and goes with the logical one.
@Rioe,
I am manipulating if I plant the idea in his head, to get on the wrong bus. I am not doing that.
The schedule is complex, and hard to keep track of. When he was 7, he made a mistake twice. Life was a bit different then, and arranging to exchange him right away was easy. But, back then, I took the opportunity to explain that he was lucky I was home at got the call he was on the wrong bus so I could scramble to the stop before he got there.
Now, I can see the wheels turning. He is thinking about it. He walks home from the bus stop himself just a few doors up the street. A few days ago, he just blurted out that if he got home and I wasn't here - he could just go to one of his friends house until I got back etc.
When it happens, if it is all because of what she has done or not done, and I take advantage of the opportunity to document it etc., and maybe work towards my house being the 'after-care' program until she gets home, I don't see anything wrong with that.
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