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  • #61
    hadenough: he is right and everyone else in the universe is wrong. As you can see he's trying to focus on presence of cigarette butts on the porch rather than his childish reaction. I wish his ex was on this forum as I'm sure we'd get a totally different take on what really happened. If we take what he says as truthful and If he was merely pointing out a potential hazard to the mother I'm sure she wouldn't have told him to f-off. Hope he shows the pictures to a judge at some point in what will sure to be his endless litigation/court appearances.

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    • #62
      Originally posted by hadenough View Post
      "I will keep stating it. Anyone advising that a parent is "unreasonable" or "uncooperative", for politely pointing out a toxic waste hazard in his own child's play area, should not be listened to. The federal government says it is a toxic hazard and parents need to be made aware!"

      Correct me if I'm mistaken: is the ashtray on the porch/veranda? If so: that's not a "play area."
      You are mistaken. If you want to call me a liar, just come out and do that. The child plays on the veranda. It is a play area. I had stated it is a play area.

      Better make sure the baby is on an organic diet. Free range chicken, all that. No wonder they are telling you to f-off - you're a total pain in the ass! Pick your battles ffs. You can't tell them where to put the ashtray. We all have our preferences - and yeah it would be great if they said "sure Bill, no problem, I'll move it" - but they are NOT going to!!
      I do try to feed my baby healthy food as much as possible and the ex and I have sent each other articles and recipes in the past. I do not accept that leaving obvious hazards in a play area is equated with dietary choices.

      I do not accept that ANY point raised by a co-parent, be it on diet, toxic waste, or any unsafe conditions, clothing choices, religion, schooling, or ANYTHING... should not be accepted at face value. To reject a parent's commentary on any point, would be a denial of the principal of equal parenting.

      Toxic waste in the play area, however, is in a different category than dietary or other choices that both parents have a right to have input on.

      Comment


      • #63
        Originally posted by arabian View Post
        hadenough: he is right and everyone else in the universe is wrong. As you can see he's trying to focus on presence of cigarette butts on the porch rather than his childish reaction. I wish his ex was on this forum as I'm sure we'd get a totally different take on what really happened. If we take what he says as truthful and If he was merely pointing out a potential hazard to the mother I'm sure she wouldn't have told him to f-off. Hope he shows the pictures to a judge at some point in what will sure to be his endless litigation/court appearances.
        No, not everyone else in the universe is wrong. I accept the government studies and any articles on parenting by authorities that state that leaving ashtrays on the floor is a bad idea and a hazard. Are they wrong too?

        You're sure, you assume, you leap to conclusions. You are getting an awful lot of exercise over there.

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        • #64
          I don't believe I called my ex a "micromanager" as we raised our son TOGETHER. We didn't divorce until our son was an adult. You had better get your facts correct.

          You asked for our advice and you got it. You may not always like the advice you hear on this forum and it is your choice what you do with it. I don't believe one poster supported your recent actions. It goes without saying that parents want their children safe and happy. If you think your child is in serious danger then file a report.

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          • #65
            That toxic waste is a legally obtained controlled substance. When you see a bottle of Javex or some booze or hypodermic needles lying around, you'll likely have a great case. As for "hits" on this post - CanaryMom had a lot of hits/comments too. You know why? Because she doesn't listen to anything and argues with the world.

            Admittedly I have contributed to this morning's silliness over my first cup of coffee and jeez while I'm being honest, a few toxic waste sticks. (Cigarettes, to clarify.) I did this in my garage, door wide open. There were no animals or children harmed.

            I hope one day you will see the POINTS you are missing! You are not going to like or agree w/everything your ex does. That's a big reason why you are ex's! The fact remains: you can't do anything about some of this! FOCUS Grasshopper. Get along as best you can and concentrate on the access you are trying to establish. You live 6 hours away for God's sake - or is it 8?? You are micro-managing and if we can see that, it won't be hard for a Judge to see that. And there's nothing wrong at all with having a therapist - but perhaps you should discuss this micro-managing with him/her. See what input they have.

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            • #66
              Originally posted by arabian View Post
              I don't believe I called my ex a "micromanager" as we raised our son TOGETHER. We didn't divorce until our son was an adult. You had better get your facts correct.
              In post 52, you stated:

              Oh yeah I used to feed my son cigarette butts for a treat after school. When I couldn't find any I'd scoop up dog poop! Us mothers are just so wicked when we don't have Daddy around to micromanage us.
              An inflammatory and improper comment at best, a very poor reflection on your view of fatherhood and co-parenting at worst.

              You asked for our advice and you got it. You may not always like the advice you hear on this forum and it is your choice what you do with it. I don't believe one poster supported your recent actions. It goes without saying that parents want their children safe and happy. If you think your child is in serious danger then file a report.
              I did not ask for personal attacks or lies. You specifically stated I was a trespasser and went back six hours AFTER the end of the access visit JUST to take photos, when you know that is a lie.

              It will be hard for anyone to support someone who is being bullied the way you are purporting to do, but I encourage anyone who feels compelled to do so. The government study, at least, supports me in this:

              It is clear that smokers must treat cigarette butts as toxic waste products and take more care in discarding them; children will mimic parental behaviour by putting these items into their mouths and sometime consume them in quantities sufficient to be toxic.
              It is my belief (and that of millions of other parents, surely), that no one is better equipped to ensure safety in this regard than the two parents of the child herself, in cooperating and mutual support.

              Comment


              • #67
                Originally posted by hadenough View Post
                That toxic waste is a legally obtained controlled substance. When you see a bottle of Javex or some booze or hypodermic needles lying around, you'll likely have a great case. As for "hits" on this post - CanaryMom had a lot of hits/comments too. You know why? Because she doesn't listen to anything and argues with the world.

                Admittedly I have contributed to this morning's silliness over my first cup of coffee and jeez while I'm being honest, a few toxic waste sticks. (Cigarettes, to clarify.) I did this in my garage, door wide open. There were no animals or children harmed.

                I hope one day you will see the POINTS you are missing! You are not going to like or agree w/everything your ex does. That's a big reason why you are ex's! The fact remains: you can't do anything about some of this! FOCUS Grasshopper. Get along as best you can and concentrate on the access you are trying to establish. You live 6 hours away for God's sake - or is it 8?? You are micro-managing and if we can see that, it won't be hard for a Judge to see that. And there's nothing wrong at all with having a therapist - but perhaps you should discuss this micro-managing with him/her. See what input they have.
                You're a smoker, I am glad that's in the clear.

                I live 4 hour drive away. The ex visited here and pointed out something on the floor I hadn't noticed. I told her thank you for that, and corrected the situation, because that is the appropriate response. The end.

                Comment


                • #68
                  Guilty, as charged. (Smoker). I wouldn't say anything differently if I were a non-smoker. And thx for clarifying, you are a 4hr drive away from D2. Got it.

                  Y'know I'm thinking if you two can exchange healthy baby recipes and you are both so eagle eyed to point out no-no's around the home (her noticing a kernel) there's maybe some hope for you two to get along.. Try sending a recipe and ask if they'd please move the ashtray.

                  Unless and until you see the bigger picture, you are going to have conflict. I learned that lesson personally. There IS a "bigger" picture - don't kid yourself. Having tunnel-vision will do you no good. Have a great weekend SDoftwogirls!

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Thank you Hadenough. I think it's best if we both respectfully agree to disagree on certain points. I think the topic has been exhausted.

                    I've already said my approach to these matters can be altered and adjusted for greater effectiveness. It turned into a debate about whether I'm in the wrong for even noticing or speaking about a hazard, or whether it's even "that bad" of a hazard. Then it degenerated into personal attacks on me.

                    To Arabian, we already know what the ex would say if she was on this forum. She would say, just like you have, that it's none of my business, and that I was trespassing. Then she would probably make up some complete bullshit about the 6 hour time frame and what happened when, like you just did. She would threaten to have me jailed, as you said should happen to me, for being at the drop off location at the correct time. I don't think she would say one word differently than you have, in fact, including the sarcastic comments about feeding your child dog shit and fathers being micromanaging. Sad, really.

                    Good bye everyone, my 7 year old is awake now and we have a wonderful day of parks and birthday parties planned. I'll be sure to make sure she isn't playing near dog shit or cigarette butts and hope all of you will do the same with your little ones, regardless of the reaction of other people to your efforts.

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      LOL, now that was funny. Glad you found your sense of humour on this beautiful day. Enjoy! And remember: there is help being offered to you, even in criticism.

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Arabian IS on this forum. Do yourself a favor and respect the boundaries set up. Drop off and pick up arrangements are made for a good reason (your situation a perfect example of a volatile and unhealthy parental relationship). If you are swapping recipes with the ex then she can't be that bad. I think you just blow everything out of proportion. Focus more on how to be a good parent and not fight around your children.

                        Have a very pleasant day.

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          I rarely post, but this needs to be said:

                          Don't try to control what the other parent does, unless it's so bad it warrants the attention if CAS or similar agencies.
                          It's gross and nasty, but ultimately, not within your scope of parental responsibility.
                          All you'll do is exacerbate what seems like an already antagonistic situation.

                          And listen to these other posters(who have YEARS of experience dealing with far worse than this), they know how to play the game.
                          Thanks to them, I went from ZERO access to 50-50.

                          I shit you not, don't sweat the small stuff.
                          It'll cause more problems than it resolves.

                          Comment


                          • #73
                            Originally posted by hadenough View Post
                            Guilty, as charged. (Smoker). I wouldn't say anything differently if I were a non-smoker. And thx for clarifying, you are a 4hr drive away from D2. Got it.
                            Just for the record, I'm a non-smoker and I think he's being a total dick.

                            It's like saying the child shouldn't be allowed to play in the sandbox because she might choke on the sand. There are "hazards" all over, that's why we parent.

                            Get over yourself.

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              Originally posted by Mess View Post
                              Just for the record, I'm a non-smoker and I think he's being a total dick.

                              It's like saying the child shouldn't be allowed to play in the sandbox because she might choke on the sand. There are "hazards" all over, that's why we parent.

                              Get over yourself.
                              No, the equivalent would be asking someone with a dog to shit in a different spot other than in the sandbox where your children play.

                              Parents are encouraged to watch their children VERY carefully if allowing them to play in sand when they are still infants:

                              When can my baby play in a sand box? | BabyCenter

                              Just because there are "hazards all over" doesn't mean you shouldn't try to minimise those hazards where babies are involved.

                              Don't keep ashtrays on the floor where babies play. It is not unreasonable to ask that the ashtrays be kept at adult level, on a sturdy table out of reach of infants.

                              Baltimore City Health Department Injury Prevention Resource Page

                              Don't tolerate anyone calling you nasty names because you don't want ashtrays on the floor where your children play.

                              And:

                              http://www.babyzone.com/baby/teethin...cautions_66086

                              and:

                              When the smoker finishes the cigarette and flicks the butt away, the butt actually contains a significant amount of nicotine trapped in the fibers of the filter -- perhaps 20 milligrams. That is enough, it turns out, to kill your child. If 20 milligrams of nicotine is ingested by a small child, the nicotine will cause respiratory failure and paralysis.
                              http://www.marshallbrain.com/cp/cigarette-butts.htm

                              I think it's outrageous that you are on an advice forum for parents and calling a parent names who doesn't want cigarette butts accessible to his infant child.

                              Saying there is nothing I can do about it is one thing. Saying that there is no legal recourse is another. Saying a parent is a "dick" for not wanting cigarette butts in his child's play area is OUTRAGEOUS. You are contradicting every single government authority on this topic.

                              Better advice, for me and the lurkers would be, "here's how you might get your ex to improve the safety situation." "He is being a total dick" unacceptable and outrageous.

                              Comment


                              • #75
                                You are a lunatic. You are just using lame safety articles as ammunition to attack. Every post you write makes you look even more like an obsessed loser, but you are too far gone to realize it. It's not surprising that you are divorced, nor that your ex doesn't want you anywhere near your house. What is surprising is that she hasn't gotten a restraining order yet.

                                Comment

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