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  • #31
    Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
    I see it really isnt a matter of money but just a matter of principal. I can understand that but sometimes you just have to let some stuff go. Ask yourself these questions.

    does daughter enjoy it?
    is it beneficially to her?
    can I really afford it?

    If you answered yes to all the above then maybe this isnt a big deal. Yes it would be nice if Mom contributed but if she cannot afford it then its up to you.
    Yes, "principle" more than anything. I agree. I did answer yes to all the above. I think the best thing for me to do is leave it alone and just continue to work hard for my family. No need to turn a molehill into a mountain. A little help wouldn't hurt but what are ya going to do?

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    • #32
      It's not an equal regime. In your case your ex is only tolerating you and the shared parenting.

      You were smart and self represented your self to equal parenting based on an order and she is playing nice and friendly. Enjoying your Mother's Day efforts ( which I still believe is unnecessary but your choice).

      She will never give you the time of day when it comes to money. There are people who work for everything they want and then there is your ex enjoying the gravy train a desperate dad was grateful to agree to.

      You seem to be a super dad and I only hope your daughter lives up to all pressure from both parents and continues to be an exceptional child. But then are not all our children exceptional when they are cute 5 year olds.

      Just accept she will not pay and let your daughter figure that out in a few years when she starts to question who pays for what.

      I deal with lots of teen girls who have separated and they are smart, manipulative and wise to the world. They are no longer a minority to be whispered about they are the norm. There are even blogs about how to deal with 2 sets of parents at weddings and graduation ceremonies.

      It's the world your generation have created so it is what it is. You need to be more cynical.

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      • #33
        Originally posted by Beachnana View Post
        It's not an equal regime. In your case your ex is only tolerating you and the shared parenting.
        lol .. no .. we're tolerating each other actually. I think it's what most separated parents do for their kids.

        Enjoying your Mother's Day efforts ( which I still believe is unnecessary but your choice).
        I dont think I'm the first nor the last parent to have a child buy a gift or make a card for their other parent on a special day. D5 enjoyed it...that's all that matters really.

        She will never give you the time of day when it comes to money. There are people who work for everything they want and then there is your ex enjoying the gravy train a desperate dad was grateful to agree to.
        Pretty much nailed it here. lol I'm not making the money thing a big deal and I'm not asking for her to contribute. D5 sees that I buy everything .. I just hope she doesn't see less of her mom by noticing she buys nothing..is it weird I think that way? Probably I guess :-) I certainly ensure my child never does without.

        Also, she beame just as desperate when she was told to do something or I would have sole custody.

        You seem to be a super dad and I only hope your daughter lives up to all pressure from both parents and continues to be an exceptional child. But then are not all our children exceptional when they are cute 5 year olds.
        Beach .. I'm far from Super .. but I do consider my self a great dad. I dont understand why you feel D5 has any kind of pressure more than any other normal child. We're big on teaching that nobody's perfect and mistakes are made (we have discussions on why erasers were invented..lol). Not sure I get the pressure thing you speak of.

        It's the world your generation have created so it is what it is. You need to be more cynical.
        Bahh .. I'm not really into cynicism...except when I see parents denying access without good cause..which I get crap for here on the site...but it's just a touchy subject for me.
        Always been a glass half full kind of guy .. in certain situations I can see where being cynical might help me. lol
        Last edited by LovingFather32; 05-17-2017, 10:47 PM.

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        • #34
          for what it's worth I think your 'ship sailed' with regards to getting your ex to pay for dance etc. I believe she would have had to agree to it in the first place for you to have any right to go after her for money. Your lawyer was a dud and didn't alert you to that so you didn't have it in your SA.

          Your ex is a leach so I'd just accept it and move on. I don't think you would be successful in having a higher income imputed to her now anyway. Now the most recent thing she has on her resume is babysitting so it would be pretty difficult, if not impossible, to prove that she could be hired for anything else that pays more. She seems to have satisfied her welfare/social worker that she is working to her maximum capacity or they would have cut her off by now I think. Again, ship has sailed.

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          • #35
            Darn ships and their sailing. lol
            Wasn't just dance...just .. anything. Perhaps a shirt or a pizza day at school once in a blue moon. That's what parents do.

            Yea .. I thought the same thing. The important thing is that I got what I set out for and D5 is doing amazing. I'm not afraid of a little hard work .. I'll just keep chugging on.

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            • #36
              well look at it this way... the good taxpayers are helping out

              your ex is a total low-life...any time when you don't have to have dialogue with her is a good thing

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              • #37
                Originally posted by arabian View Post
                well look at it this way... the good taxpayers are helping out

                your ex is a total low-life...any time when you don't have to have dialogue with her is a good thing
                Omg I totally agree about the dialogue piece. It was quite a ride wasn't it. I really can't thank you personally enough for all your support and help.
                Last edited by LovingFather32; 05-17-2017, 11:36 PM.

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                • #38
                  Every time when I feel a tad sorry for my ex, or hear a BS sob story from a lying patient, I look at the yellow post-it note on my computer:

                  "we all eat lies when our hearts are hungry"

                  For some reason this snaps me back into the present... into reality - it works ...kind of like a cue of sorts

                  Perhaps you need some sort of cue to keep you from being too much of Mr. Nice Guy w.r.t. your ex? (your dud lawyer's business card on the fridge...) - something to remind you that the bitch put you through hell and back. You are the sort of person who probably gets taken advantage of and you can bet your ex knows this.

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                    Wow Beach .. Very surprised by your posts lately. First you frown upon me having D5 make a mothers day card for her mother .. now the petty thing.

                    I think in a previous post I mentioned it was more on "principle" (keyword). We're equal parents and she pays for nothing. I'm sorry I'm not a mom coming on saying her ex isn't paying anything .. then the "deadbeat" word would be tossed around.

                    Beach, we're not doing bad but we do have to prioritize (vacations, etc) as my ex refuses to pay anything for our child and I still pay her CS. We'l still go camping, etc as we do every year. I don't think I'm being petty .. fairly odd comment. I bet almost $600 bucks means something to some people during the summer holiday.

                    I don't think that refusing to offer any financial support to a child should be okay in an equal regime .. but my initial question for the thread was whether or not I should perhaps communicate to her somehow that it would be helpful for her to contribute something...anything ("Principle"). As mentioned...I buy the clothes, school stuff, etc...all kid expenses and activities. For example .. half the clothes I buy D5 stay at my ex's...and half stay here. She just wont buy anything. So it's not all just extra curricular.


                    Well you are partly to blame for this one. First off, your expenses seem to equal less than $100 per month so I'm not even sure they fall under S7 or extracurricular. Bite the bullet and spend the $100 a month. It isn't even a principle thing when it comes to $100 per month.

                    As for the rest, stop sending clothes to the the exs house... that's pretty simple... what you buy stays at your house. Sure a few items may end up going back and forth but why would your ex buy clothes when you fund the wardrobe at her house? If your concerned about paying for school activities stop. If it's not worth stopping without her contribution it's not worth bringing up.

                    For what it's worth my husband pays full CS plus we buy all our own clothes for the kids and pay for sports... sports which we drive 1.5 hours to pick the kids up so they can attend their sports and then drive 1.5 hours back to drop them off... usually twice a week in the summer. By principle his ex should be helping out because she agrees to the sport but does she? Nope! We pay all fees, all uniform costs and do all the driving. It is what it is and we do it for the children. Asking her to chip in would be useless so why bother?


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                    • #40
                      Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                      It isn't even a principle thing when it comes to $100 per month.
                      Ballet alone is 350/semester. Where are you getting your figures? I'm not just talking about extra curricular .... everything Berner.

                      It's my fault that my ex wont pay anything for our child? Wow...that's a new one. If I were a mother coming on saying dad won't pay a penny towards anything I BET you wouldn't say it's partly her fault. Just a prediction.

                      It's TOTALLY principle. If you have a child you contribute "something..anything". No?

                      what you buy stays at your house. Sure a few items may end up going back and forth but why would your ex buy clothes when you fund the wardrobe at her house?
                      Her mom would have nothing to dress her in if I didn't send stuff. I tried it and she sent her to school in sizes way too small and ripped.

                      If your concerned about paying for school activities stop. If it's not worth stopping without her contribution it's not worth bringing up.
                      Yea .. I'll continue to pay and I wont bring it up. But it's just in addition to everything else.

                      By principle his ex should be helping out because she agrees to the sport but does she? Nope! We pay all fees, all uniform costs and do all the driving. It is what it is and we do it for the children. Asking her to chip in would be useless so why bother?
                      Yep. That's the conclusion I am coming to as well. Except I'm not telling you that you're partly to blame like you are me. If Im to blame for anything it would be that I didn't take care of it in my order. But I'm not even complaining anymore. I said I'm leaving it alone. ... so you can probably stop saying how its partly my fault she doesn't pay anything for her child and that it's not about principle. (Pretty ridiculous thing to say in my opinion)... I'm totally not surprised. I'm starting to understand this site more and more.
                      Last edited by LovingFather32; 05-18-2017, 09:07 AM.

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                      • #41
                        Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                        Ballet alone is 350/semester. Where are you getting your figures? I'm not just talking about extra curricular .... everything Berner.

                        It's my fault that my ex wont pay anything for our child? Wow...that's a new one. If I were a mother coming on saying dad won't pay a penny towards anything I BET you wouldn't say it's partly her fault. Just a prediction.

                        It's TOTALLY principle. If you have a child you contribute "something..anything". No?

                        Her mom would have nothing to dress her in if I didn't send stuff. I tried it and she sent her to school in sizes way too small and ripped.

                        Yea .. I'll continue to pay and I wont bring it up. But it's just in addition to everything else.

                        Yep. That's the conclusion I am coming to as well. Except I'm not telling you that you're partly to blame like you are me. If Im to blame for anything it would be that I didn't take care of it in my order. But I'm not even complaining anymore. I said I'm leaving it alone. ... so you can probably stop saying how its partly my fault she doesn't pay anything for her child and that it's not about principle. (Pretty ridiculous thing to say in my opinion)... I'm totally not surprised. I'm starting to understand this site more and more.


                        No it is partly your fault because you continue to pay for everything... again why would she contribute if you are willing to pay for everything? It is partly our fault that his ex doesn't pay for sports because we just do it. But it's not even a question in our minds. Guess what his kids come in clothes too small all the time but we are not funding a wardrobe for moms place. She can dress the children how she wants. If she wants to dress them like that at her place than whatever, we have nice clothes for them at our place, it's not your responsibility to clothe the child at moms place but you are, so why would mom spend anything on clothing?

                        You are missing the point. Since you are so willing to pay anything why would an unreasonable ex pay for anything? Sure any normal person would but most exs are not reasonable. She put my step daughter in a winter sport that we took her to every weekend we had her and gave up weekends with her so she could attend tournaments... does ex do the same for us? No she doesn't and that is partly our fault because we agree to give up our time... BUT it makes the child happy to attend these events so we miss out and the child is happy. Such is life sometimes and we accept our fault in those decisions. You really do have issue when someone tells you that you are not perfect and may be at fault for something right?

                        Tell me how you are not at fault for buying a wardrobe for your exes house? Is she forcing you to buy clothes or are you just doing it out of fear of what your child would be dressed in? If it's a fear thing that is partly your fault. Surely someone as reasonable as you can see that?


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                        • #42
                          Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                          No it is partly your fault because you continue to pay for everything... again why would she contribute if you are willing to pay for everything? It is partly our fault that his ex doesn't pay for sports because we just do it.
                          Yea .. I'd rather her not do without milk on milk days...pizza on pizza days..field trips, etc. So of course I pay everything. I want her to have the same experiences as the other children. Same as your situation. So I don't know if it's a "our fault" type of thing. We're doing it because we have to (Not talking about Ballet here but everything else).
                          You really do have issue when someone tells you that you are not perfect and may be at fault for something right?
                          Here we go again. A thread simply asking about contacting ex regarding some (any financial help).

                          I'm being told it's my fault for paying...about things that NEED to be paid. My child won't sit in class from a field trip or not have milk or pizza. It's not my fault Im a good dad and pay for this. Get a grip. How am I having an issue about being told I'm not perfect? Really makes no sense.

                          Now you're trying to turn paying for my child around on me? Wow.. that takes a special type of person.

                          If you think i's my fault that I pay for D5 to be able to experience field trips, pizza days, clothes that fit... than I guess it is. Really weird way to say it though...like I have a choice. Anyone reading this? Geez

                          Tell me how you are not at fault for buying a wardrobe for your exes house?
                          Would you let your child attend school with clothes 3 sizes too small and ripped? Its my fault I don't want her made fun of and buy the clothes? Geez .. My god. You just don't stop do you Berner?

                          If it's a fear thing that is partly your fault.
                          My fault, my fault, my fault. Funny stuff. D5 approached me saying she was bring made fun of .. I wasn't "in fear" .. you just made the fear thing up for fun I guess? I dunno.

                          Boy I wish I was a mom right now saying dad wont pay anything. He would be called a piece of crap deadbeat and the discussion would be done. I have a penis so it's all my fault. What a joke.
                          Last edited by LovingFather32; 05-18-2017, 11:56 AM.

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                          • #43
                            Anyways .. I received some good advice on this question so we can all move on. No need to continue about how it's my fault that I pay for things to make sure my daughter doesn't go without. On to the next discussion.
                            Last edited by LovingFather32; 05-18-2017, 12:24 PM.

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                            • #44
                              I don't believe I ever said mom was in the right, I don't think I once said she wasn't a piece of crap or that she shouldn't be helping out. What I said was you are partly at fault for her not helping because you pay for everything.

                              It's like school projects... often times someone doesn't pull their weight and benefits off of the other person working hard to get a good mark... well if the other person always does all the work why would the lazy one help out? They get the good mark with little effort.

                              Your penis or lack there of does not change my point that you are partly at fault. Penis or not if one chooses to pay everything then they are partly at fault for the ex not helping out


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                              • #45
                                Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                                I don't believe I ever said mom was in the right, I don't think I once said she wasn't a piece of crap or that she shouldn't be helping out. What I said was you are partly at fault for her not helping because you pay for everything.

                                It's like school projects... often times someone doesn't pull their weight and benefits off of the other person working hard to get a good mark... well if the other person always does all the work why would the lazy one help out? They get the good mark with little effort.

                                Your penis or lack there of does not change my point that you are partly at fault. Penis or not if one chooses to pay everything then they are partly at fault for the ex not helping out


                                Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                                Hey hey .. I'm the only one that gets to talk about my penis around here. (you had fun with the "lack thereof" comment .. that's okay .. it was funny).

                                Berner you have your beliefs and I have mine.

                                Somebody has to pay that stuff or D5 wouldn't be able to have the same experiences as the other kids.

                                If I don't pay....my ex still wouldn't pay and D5 would have no field trips, school stuff, clothing that fits, etc. I think that's the part you don't get. I'm not enabling her not to pay. She wouldn't even if I didn't. Boy I hope you understand now. lol I'm not at fault no matter how much you try to spin this. Just like Im not at fault for wishing happy mothers day and making a card for D5 to give her mom. Geez

                                By the way...I like how you say "I CHOOSE to pay everything".. Hell no...I'm forced to because she won't. Now who's playing with words. lol

                                You guys are super entertaining lately. I tried to end the thread by the way .. you addicted to my threads or something? lol .. Have a super long weekend.
                                Last edited by LovingFather32; 05-18-2017, 03:06 PM.

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