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    I have been seperated for 15 months. My wife left and got a lawyer when I was not expecting it. First I refused to get one and then the fun began. Her lawyer stated I could not see the children until I got one. I have 6. This of course set the stage for excuse after excuse for not having access. In Dec we went to court and the judge literally ripped my wifes lawyer to peices. I received access and joint custody for 3 months with no interference from her. She did try and stop them by saying my heater did not work in the car and that one seat belt was not working. All not true. My problem is she continues to control my life through her lawyer and will not communicate at all and when I say at all that is what I mean. We do not know what they want and months go by where we send information, ask questions, ask to meet etc. The only way we get a response is to threaten with court. Her goal all along appears to kick me out of her life and the kids as well. She will not say this but that is all myself and my lawyer can think of. It is very frustrating now to try and bring closure when our letters are not answered, we continue to try and compromise to get things done and do not receive any response. I still can not get my stuff even though when threatened with court after it is over they will not respond. I did not want this and in March she said it was truly over. I want this whole mess to end. She is on Legal aide. I was thinking of complaining to them stating that tax payers money seems to be being wasted. She of course states she can not talk to me so I should not have access. I am really frustrated with this whole thing. Why is it that children are used for control and is assumed that fathers care for their children less. Even with a great victory in court it seems that the goal is to drag this on forever until the papers are signed with what she wants whatever that may be. Any ideas. I just want to go on with my life, have access and be free. Thanks

  • #2
    northpole,

    If you are getting no where by sending to your ex's lawyer only to have the communication ignored, your only solution is to bring forth motions through the courts and hopefully get some orders in place that protect your children's relationship with you in the form of custody and or access.

    If your ex's refuses to obey these court order's willfully, this would be a serious offense. Family Courts do have the power to imprison someone if found to be in contempt of court orders. This would be an extreme penalty.

    Generally in a lot of cases such as yours , the courts just take custody away and give it to the other parent.

    It is apparent that they are trying to make it difficult as possible and try to frustrate you to give up maybe walk away from the issues.

    Be calm cool and collective at all times and don't give up. Pursue the issues through the courts.

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks. It would appear they are trying to frustrate the situation. It is starting to work. I am starting to think this will never end. I am going to try going into legal aide and try to complain that money is being wasted by tax payers as they are not even trying to bring any type of closure. They will not even let us know why they feel I should not have joint custody only that my ex states we can not communicate. I want to but she refuses. There are no grounds for no access. Geez I worked hard for 18 years so she could stay at home and I have no bad habits. Her mom did the same to her dad but he got fed up and just left the picture, but his kids hate him. I do not want that to happen. Ian

      Comment


      • #4
        Northpole,

        My ex did basically the same thing. Drag things on and on. It gets really expensive. Don't let her push you around or control the process. Some simple advice:

        - Don't lose you cool. Remain calm. Don't give the ex ANYTHING that can be used against you. Even though this is very frustrating.
        - Have witnesses for everything. Don't be around your ex without a witness.
        - Document everything. All access, transitions, missed access, any involvement in your children's day-to-day activities and so on.
        - Retain your status quo joint custody and access. Those are your children too. Don't be pushed around. The longer you retain joint custody and joint access, the harder it will be for a judge to take it away.
        - Offer mediation and counselling. Offer it 100 times.
        - After a few months (at least 6) of status quo, refused mediation, refused to cooperate, start to file motions. Take control of the process. File for joint custody and joint access.
        - Just because she does not cooperate in the legal process, does not mean you both cannot cooperate in co-parenting. Ask for joint custody with good examples of joint decision making (for example, picking the same school). That fact she is blocking access, etc., is not a factor for not granting joint custody.
        - If you file for sole custody, she will too. You will not get it and she will get sole-custody. Sadly, her behaviour of blocking access does not seem to count for a women. It would take years of this for her to lose custody. But document it anyway and put it in the affidavit.
        - Have a great affidavit. Your affidavit has to be 10 times better than hers. Keep it clean and simple. Judges don't want to read 100 pages of bickering.
        - Be calm and cool.

        What she is doing is brutal. But it happens. And it happens a lot (or you wouldn't be on this board). It absolutely disgusts me how people use their kids against the other parent.
        Last edited by Jeff; 01-29-2006, 04:06 PM.

        Comment


        • #5
          Northpole,

          I wouldn't be concerned about contacting legal aid. The amount of hours they cover is between your ex, her lawyer and them.

          However, on the other side of the coin, legal aid will only cover a certain amount of hours depending on the issues.

          The legal aid tariff billable hours can be found here at this link

          http://www.legalaid.on.ca/en/info/pdf/Tariff_Manual.pdf

          Family Law Tariff

          The tariff for general family law uses a system of time issue allotments based on the most seriously contested issue facing the client first, with subsequent authorizations to acknowledge other substantially contested issues.

          At the outset, a certificate is generally issued for the basic time issue allotment (12 hours) and for the first pre-trial (4 hours), or for an opinion only, which is limited to 2 hours. The majority of cases receive additional time allotments to recognize other substantially contested issues if they cannot be resolved within the time authorization already granted. A second time issue allotment is available for the most seriously contested issue in
          complicated cases. For example, in difficult custody cases, the basic allotment of 12 hours plus 15 hours (custody) may be extended, so that an additional 15 hours (custody) is available. This one time authorization is only available in the most complex cases. A double authorization is also available for restraining orders in a family law case even if there has been a double authorization for other issues (e.g.: child custody, access or support).

          Example of a complicated family law case and time issue allotments:

          In a seriously contested custody case involving allegations of spousal or child abuse, as the case progresses, the area director may authorize:

          Opinion 2 hours
          Balance - basic allotment 10 hours
          Custody 15 hours
          Second allotment (custody) 15 hours
          Restraining order (2 x 4 hours) 8 hours
          Total 50 hours (prior to first pre-trial)

          In family law matters, the maximums include all services before the first pre-trial hearing
          including:
          • Interviews;
          • Correspondence (see Correspondence, page 4-1);
          • Communications;
          • Pleadings;
          • Preparation of financial statements;
          • Production;
          Disclosure;
          • Affidavit of documents;
          • Questioning
          • Cross-examinations;
          • Examinations for discovery;
          • Negotiations;
          • Motions;
          • Waiting time;
          • Case management meetings with a judge;
          • Opinion letters;
          • Reporting;
          • Billing (with maximum of .2 hours).

          In family law matters, authorization for the first and subsequent pretrial conferences, case conferences, settlement conferences or issues hearings is available from the area director.

          Hang in there. Be calm and cool at all times. Document everything.
          The legal process is far from perfect, just have patience. It will go a long way to resolve your issues.

          Comment


          • #6
            Thank you for your input. This has been a nightmare that I wish would end. Just today we got another response. They again refused to meet and refused yet another offer. She said we could not communicate so we proposed a monthly calender showing me the time of events that the kids were in so I might be able to go. She turned this down. It is frustrating though and it is nice to receive a reminder to keep cool. Thanks

            Comment


            • #7
              Northpole,

              You have been more than reasonable in attempting to resolve the issues. Your only recourse at this point in time is to proceed through the courts.
              by way of motions.

              If what you are asking for is very reasonable and is awarded by the courts, do not forget to ask for costs as your ex will be asking for costs. - This is a paramount condition of receiving legal aid that costs are requested.

              Comment


              • #8
                I feel for you..

                My situation is simliar.. I have hardly seen our kids at all....and i have been giving every penny I have made to her for help....she does not want to have to go to court but her lawyer is threatening... I have so much on my plate that i truly do not know what to do.... I am at the end of my rope..
                -Good luck....

                Comment


                • #9
                  Aden that sounds like a really draining situation - basically you give all your money away but your kids are taken away from you.

                  There is still hope.. dont be at the end of your rope.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Aden you are not alone

                    Hi Aden

                    I am truly sorry to hear about your situation. I have had to move three times because of finances. I have 6 kids and the law does not seem to take that into account. I do not mind trying to pay this. I barely saw my kids for over a year. I almost understand why men just leave and go away. Loosing your home, your wife, your children and then having a huge dept almost did me in. Funny though, no one really seems to care. Suck it up and keep on working, two jobs if you have to. I lost my job through it all (working with difficult kids and their families) and then you are called a bum. I had worked for this place for 20 years. Moved up the latter and worked hard so she could stay home with the children. No easy feat. They still want money. I have gotten through it and am feeling much better. I am strong enough to work two jobs, but for how long. I just want it to end so I can get on without having the whining and complaining. You would not believe the complaints I have to deal with. The heater is not working properly in the car. Get it fixed or you prove you do not like your children. I could go on with all the stupid complaints she comes up with. Today I was finally able to get my things. She was surprised when I showed up with a RCMP officer. Usually when I go there she makes a big stink. All I can say right now is that things emmotionally do start to get better. It has been a night mare and it saddens me to know that alot are worse off then myself. Funny as well, You can not have your children over to sleep if you are in a bachelor suite, which costs less, but the court still wants you to pay the money. Anyway, I have a one bed room. When they do come over the girls get the room and the boys get the living room. It has been better. Now a new proplem arrives, working two jobs and someone who will not bend on the access days. Yes I am sure I will win in court. It is just more aggravation, worry and focus. Good luck to you Aden. You sure are not alone. I can honestly say as well that I do feel much stronger than ever before because of the crappy experiences. It was not always easy. I remember going three months of endless tears wondering when I would see my children again. I seriously thought I was going down for good. Thanks for all the help and suggestions I have received. I was never really bitter at my wife but can honestly say I am now getting there. Staying cool is so important. Thanks for that advice. Ian

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      you know, here it is 1:20 in the morning and I cannot sleep. I did a quick glance through the posts/threads and something just grabbed at my heart; how WRONG so much of this is . Good parents not seeing their flesh and blood, (their children), financial corruption, anxiety, a legal game of "how can we drag more money from these hurting,pathetically trusting prople", among soooo much more. It's really saddening -honestly my heart is breaking for everyone, myself included, right now.
                      I know I sound totally pessimistic but it's insane when you think we live in a country with the best legal system in the world. It drives me nuts when my mother, in her sweet attempt at comfort and support, says this, I usually retort with" well, I'd hate to see the worst" this is barbaric.
                      There's an huge amount of good people on this forum-I hear it in the posts- and look what's being endured unnecessarily.
                      The worst part is that the children are feeling this, no matter how much you try to shelter them. It's so wrong . These are innocent little souls who just want to enjoy life but are subjected to vengefulness, power and greed by thier own parent. It's so wrong!!!!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Godknows
                        you are bang on with your post. Move-aways are the worst of the worst in the fallout of broken families and the destructive aftermath.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by god knows the truth
                          you know, here it is 1:20 in the morning and I cannot sleep. I did a quick glance through the posts/threads and something just grabbed at my heart; how WRONG so much of this is . Good parents not seeing their flesh and blood, (their children), financial corruption, anxiety, a legal game of "how can we drag more money from these hurting,pathetically trusting prople", among soooo much more. It's really saddening -honestly my heart is breaking for everyone, myself included, right now.
                          The worst part is that the children are feeling this, no matter how much you try to shelter them. It's so wrong . These are innocent little souls who just want to enjoy life but are subjected to vengefulness, power and greed by thier own parent. It's so wrong!!!!
                          Hey... now you are starting to sound like me...

                          Only through legislative reform can this be fixed.
                          Last edited by Jeff; 01-29-2006, 04:07 PM.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            With all due respect, no I'm not sounding like you. I'm upset b/c of the children, I'm not anti-gender. I never chose a certain gender on this forum to help or reject, I'll give my amateur, unbiased opinion to whomever needs it. No offense to you, and I know you're trying to get a reality check across to the men but there good decent women on this forum who have been shagged around quite abit----does the saying "the person with the most money wins" ring a bell? Alot of us women have vengeful ex's who are using money( in my case, his mommy's money) to break us. I was the one who made the money, I was the one who was with the children in the daytime and worked nights (to be with them), I paid for the babysitters, living on 4 hours sleep, I'm the one who took them to karate and baseball etc. I'm the one who has owned two houses since 2000 and have had to cash both in, all relevant to this court nonsense. I don't make that kind of money anymore, I would have died of exaustion at that rate, yet after all of this, I'm no better off, he remains vengeful, it continues on.
                            That being said, I still don't classify all men in the same boat. I'm not naive to pain and strive,I won't get into more detail but it seems mine doesn't end.
                            I hear where you're coming from but don't be biased to women alot of us good, no GREAT (ha) ones are living with anguish on some days, hurt on others, and survival on the rest, all the while maintaining a happy, everything's wonderful attitude for the children.
                            I think under your harsh exterior there is a nice person inside, you're just very hurt, in awe at how 'tied' you feel, like no one is listening and no one cares, well, welcome to my world and probably 99.99 of the other people on this forum who moms and dads.
                            Good luck to you

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Thank you

                              Thanks for the support..
                              I am going to try and call again tonite to see if I can hear from our little boy..its been ten days..I need to hear his voice...it would be such a blessing to hear him....I am going through quite a time right now..I am still not bitter with my ex at all....dissapointed at the cirumstances regarding our kids yes....but not angry with her.. she`s a good Mom..I believe she`s being advised....as such.
                              She always said he could call me no matter what..I don`t get it...
                              Thank you..it has been terrible for us both..neither of us wanted this to happen and we did not want to lose our home at all..it has been very sad..we both loved and still do I am sure our family..our kids...She is a good Mom..she`s hurting too....
                              Thank you...
                              Aden

                              Comment

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