My partner and his ex are involved in a nasty battle over support and custody/access. When I started dating him 2 years ago, he was simply at her mercy and letting her walk all over him. She won an uncontested motion for full custody of D2 (now D6) because my partner disdains the legal system and did not want to fight about it. She also promised him unlimited access if he did not contest custody. All he cares about is access. Since then it has been a nightmare. She used access to D as a way to control him. And then, despite the fact that he was primary caregiver, she applied for support and had his income imputed at 85% more than he earns. Again, he did not fight back.
Last year, I encouraged him to start fighting back. So he did. And I have been getting more and more involved ever since. Now the case has taken a really nasty turn and it is beginning to really eat away at me. She plays so many games and I have tried to take the high road but I am beginning to slip. I am beginning to plot ways to outdo her games. I literally spend hours upon hours drafting email responses to her for him. And any hours remaining are spent in trying to figure out what her next nasty move is going to be.
My partner is mostly disconnected. All he really cares about is seeing his daughter and making sure she is happy. We recently won a temp order for regular access and an 85% reduction in monthly support payments, so he is feeling content until the next court date. But I am obsessed with her games (for example, she will not allow him to talk to D6 on phone during her parenting time but she calls and speaks/skypes to D6 everyday during our parenting time.) That infuriates me, that we are facilitating phone access when she doesn't. But we have to do it because it makes D6 happy and it also tells the court that we facilitate access.
Any advice on how to manage the acrimony? I am an educated person with a background in conflict resolution and generally strive for peaceful relationships wherever I can. While I do not mind conflict, I have never been in a situation like this, with someone so conniving and untruthful and hypocritical. I feel like it is eating me up alive. Any advice out there? FP
Last year, I encouraged him to start fighting back. So he did. And I have been getting more and more involved ever since. Now the case has taken a really nasty turn and it is beginning to really eat away at me. She plays so many games and I have tried to take the high road but I am beginning to slip. I am beginning to plot ways to outdo her games. I literally spend hours upon hours drafting email responses to her for him. And any hours remaining are spent in trying to figure out what her next nasty move is going to be.
My partner is mostly disconnected. All he really cares about is seeing his daughter and making sure she is happy. We recently won a temp order for regular access and an 85% reduction in monthly support payments, so he is feeling content until the next court date. But I am obsessed with her games (for example, she will not allow him to talk to D6 on phone during her parenting time but she calls and speaks/skypes to D6 everyday during our parenting time.) That infuriates me, that we are facilitating phone access when she doesn't. But we have to do it because it makes D6 happy and it also tells the court that we facilitate access.
Any advice on how to manage the acrimony? I am an educated person with a background in conflict resolution and generally strive for peaceful relationships wherever I can. While I do not mind conflict, I have never been in a situation like this, with someone so conniving and untruthful and hypocritical. I feel like it is eating me up alive. Any advice out there? FP
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