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  • #31
    Originally posted by Links17 View Post
    shared or sole custody?
    joint custody. I have slightly less than 40%.

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    • #32
      Originally posted by arabian View Post

      You were married for 11 years. Your SS could be reviewed in 2013 but you did not have a review correct? So you have been paying SS for 4 years now?
      Yes, and yes

      Originally posted by arabian View Post

      Care to elaborate on your dispute resolution clause?
      I offered mediation. She refused. We went to a dispute resolution officer in August 2014. I have since been to case, settlement and trial management conferences, all self represented. The last court appearance was a disaster, which is one of the reasons I sought legal help.

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      • #33
        So you have no clause about arbitration? Too bad. You might have been able to negotiate a binding arbitration which would get you to judge much faster (judge making final decision) thus avoiding all the trial management stuff.

        So basically you are saying that you have already completed the 'dispute resolution' part of your agreement and can now proceed through the courts (which you are doing with the TMC)?

        What was "disastrous" about your last court appearance?

        It stands to reason that your ex will disagree with anything you put forward just because she can. So you have gained nothing through the dispute resolution process, case conferences etc? When do you get before a judge who can make a decision and render an Order? (seems like a lot of time-wasting).
        Last edited by arabian; 04-08-2015, 08:01 AM.

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        • #34
          Originally posted by nogoingback View Post
          joint custody. I have slightly less than 40%.
          The new trend to maximize wealth transfer no doubt.....

          I don't think termination will happen though.

          You need to also argue though that your kids are in school, you take care of them a significant amount of the time and she has not made the best efforts.

          I think you can expect to pay SS for 8 years IMO - on an 11 year marriage. Go for the termination though, say she failed to respect the agreement and is no longer entitled to spousal support.

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          • #35
            Originally posted by Links17 View Post
            You need to also argue though that your kids are in school, you take care of them a significant amount of the time and she has not made the best efforts.

            I think you can expect to pay SS for 8 years IMO - on an 11 year marriage.
            Go for the termination though, say she failed to respect the agreement and is no longer entitled to spousal support.
            Yes, I have argued the points you mention, and have asked for termination, but I know that I will not get it. I have also made step-down offers to settle that were not accepted. Ex in turn has asked for an increase of monthly SS on an indefinite basis. The foul mooded judge at our TMC unbelievably said he could see granting her wishes. It was enough to frighten me off for a few months, but I've got to do something.

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            • #36
              Originally posted by arabian View Post

              So basically you are saying that you have already completed the 'dispute resolution' part of your agreement and can now proceed through the courts (which you are doing with the TMC)?
              Yes. Ex declined mediation, so I filed a motion to change instead, and have since done CC, SC and TMC.

              Originally posted by arabian View Post
              What was "disastrous" about your last court appearance?
              The ex made false allegations of abuse, asked for a restraining order. The judge said he was not making a judgement, but if he had his druthers, he would grant a restraining order that day. About 50 minutes of the TMC was spent on her false allegations, and about 10 minutes on SS (the real issue). He strongly discouraged me going to trial because these false allegations could become public, and could potentially threaten my employment. Yes, that has made me think twice about continuing. He clearly had not read my materials: for instance he said I had not shown a material change of circumstance, and was only offended when I said the review date set out in our agreement precludes the need for this. He said he could easily see granting her wishes of increasing SS and doing so indefinitely "you'll be paying support for a long, long time". It was absolutely brutal. I ended up saying to the judge that the only thing I have learned through the process is that it pays to lie and make false allegations. The judge sent me away telling me to reschedule a second TMC with further financial disclosure from both parties. Despite all the time an effort I had put into the process, I came out of it feeling totally uninformed, dejected etc. I remain wary of continuing self represented. I feel I would have to take a leave of absence from work in order to focus on my case. The only good thing that come out of it is knowing that when I go to trial, it will not be the same judge.

              Originally posted by arabian View Post
              It stands to reason that your ex will disagree with anything you put forward just because she can. So you have gained nothing through the dispute resolution process, case conferences etc?
              Only that she was ordered to provide full financial disclosure; she has not complied. NOA, NORA, and other financials have not been provided despite repeated requests.

              Originally posted by arabian View Post
              When do you get before a judge who can make a decision and render an Order? (seems like a lot of time-wasting).
              I still have to schedule another TMC and have delayed because of the things I mentioned above.

              Comment


              • #37
                You will have to pursue financial disclosure sooner or later and you don't necessarily need a lawyer to do that. In fact, if she has a lawyer you will run up her legal costs. File a Notice of Motion for full financial disclosure. Be specific of what exactly you require (don't give her an 'out') and be sure to stipulate date she must comply by. You have to pursue this even if it means filing a motion for contempt. You will likely have to go back and forth a few times to court (because some judges are wimps in enforcing their own orders) but you need the information in order to go forward with anything else regarding SS.

                I'd be very, very persistent about financial disclosure. Pepper her lawyer with letters.

                Of course you have to remember to request costs in your motion.

                Once you get full financial disclosure you can decide which way you want to go.

                Comment


                • #38
                  Originally posted by arabian View Post
                  In fact, if she has a lawyer you will run up her legal costs.
                  I'd be very, very persistent about financial disclosure. Pepper her lawyer with letters.
                  Will do, but she is also self represented.

                  Originally posted by arabian View Post
                  Of course you have to remember to request costs in your motion.
                  I have, but you can't get blood out of a stone. The ex has nothing and I have been advised that I am unlikely to be awarded any costs, and even if I was, the chances of getting it back are slim. Just like the costs order in this Star article today "This is a costs order that is essentially meaningless"
                  Last edited by nogoingback; 04-08-2015, 06:38 PM. Reason: fixed hyperlink

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                  • #39
                    I have personally found it useful to have my ex owing me money in arrears/costs. Judges tend to take a second look at a file where one individual is continually being nailed with costs.

                    You say you "can't get blood out of a stone." Well maybe you have to consider a different plan as the one you have been using hasn't worked out very well for you so far. If your ex owed money to you for costs (as an example) it would be another reason why she should be working don't you think?

                    You have to be decisive in whatever you decide to do.

                    Good luck

                    PS - I don't see an article about a costs order, rather a blurb on something from July 2014 (Justice P.)
                    Last edited by arabian; 04-08-2015, 06:09 PM.

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                    • #40
                      Originally posted by arabian View Post
                      PS - I don't see an article about a costs order, rather a blurb on something from July 2014 (Justice P.)
                      Whoops. Corrected above and here

                      Comment

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