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Please advice needed....custody!!

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  • Please advice needed....custody!!

    Gonna be a bit long winded but here goes, sold mat housesupposed to move into new house next day, she says no you are out....went to move into cabin...this is 2.5 years ago...had a separation agreement made up (2 kids 11 and 13)...i have been paying 500 month since then. However we have been together ever since, I have my house 2 min away from her and school...we have family trips...intimate...eat together stay at each others place....the odd fight we won't talk for a week. A week ago she serves me papers for divorce, I countered with we have been separated for 5 days...here is my question, I want shared custody....i work nights she works days...shhe gets credit cause they sleep there however am I able to get credit for their care since I am home at 7am and they come to my place after school and their mom is at work 30 min away...if the kids have an injury they call me....if there is a PD day they are at my house, summer they come to my house at 9 am...I am getting mixed reviews from lawyers here....some say you will never get shared if that's the case and some say yea we can fight for that....btw she is willing to settle with shared and smaller child support as she has a business besides full time job...I suspect because she doesn't want to show her financials as I have asked for them for the past 2 years. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

  • #2
    btw she is willing to settle with shared
    Then make an offer to settle.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by tiredofitall View Post
      I am getting mixed reviews from lawyers here....some say you will never get shared if that's the case and some say yea we can fight for that....

      That's because the way judges count time is all over the map. Some do hours, some do overnights.


      Honestly, I think you're staying into the abyss here. They don't sleep at your place. Technically you only need to live in a one room basement hellhole to take care of the kids because they don't actually sleep there, so you can afford to pay full table CS.


      btw she is willing to settle with shared
      I agree with Tayken, if she is willing to settle, then make an offer to settle and settle. If you ask for financials you could end up without shared custody. That's a huge risk.


      For now... trust her financials. Then, when you have a year or so of status quo, ask for proof of financials. Not now, not when you don't really have shared custody.

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      • #4
        So you were married, had children and separated, complete with separation agreement, but then basically had a dating relationship for a couple of years after that, while sharing the children. Now, after a recent argument, she wants to finish the break-up and finally get the divorce done.

        I'm not really following the problem. If you have a separation agreement, why can't you just use it for a joint divorce application? You won't need any lawyers or fighting that way. Or do you not agree with what the separation agreement says anymore? Is $500 a month what table CS would be for your full income, or is there some kind of offset CS situation going on? Have you ever updated that amount in the time since? What does the agreement say about access time? Is 50-50 shared time already entrenched? You work nights, but do the children ever sleep at your home when you are off work?

        You already have a well-established status quo of TRUE shared parenting. Not just technical shared parenting as in each parent has the child 50% of the time, but shared parenting in the sense that the parents are, based on their schedules, taking care of the kids just as they would have if they had stayed together. The two homes are close together, and the kids can come and go as they please, as circumstances dictate, and as parents are available. As they move into their teens, they will do that more and more, and it won't be long before they can sleep at your home while you're at work.

        If she really doesn't want to share her financials with you, I don't see how you can get a divorce. You can't calculate offset CS and s7 proportion without knowing her income. If she doesn't want you to know her income, it's likely higher than you would expect.

        What does her offer to settle look like?

        See if she'll go for access with the kids still coming and going freely as needed by all, but calling it 50-50 for the record. Then CS is offset. You could even agree to forgo her financial disclosure and assume her income is about equal to yours, so no CS money changes hands and all s7 expenses are shared equally, instead of forcing her to court for disclosure. Do you have any reason to believe her income is greater than yours, or likely to become so?

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