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Pocket Call - is it evidence or at least reportable

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  • #16
    The advice from a lawyer was- unless you want to spend money and time in the courts, theres nothing you can do. And like a few people said, the best you can do is provide a positive atmosphere for the kids. They will see through it. My cousin goes through this with his kids as well as my partner. Just make a commitment to them that you will be the bigger person and hope that eventually they will see it that way. Remember too that the kids are in the middle and have to please the person they spend the most time with. Im sure its hard on your daughter to have to sit and listen and then have to spend time with you. Reassure her youre not going to do the same and that your time with her is not going to include that. Be honest and firm about it: "im sorry your mother feels that way but i will not discuss this with you" "its unfortunate youre being spoken to about this, i would prefer that we leave this information/discussion out of our time together". As long as your ex knows it causes a problem, annoys you, or impacts your time, she will continue to do it.

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    • #17
      Also, teenage girls are dramatic. Regardless of what you say or do. So keep that in mind. Hiding with her ipod could also be a result of a number of things...dad doesnt understand how hard my life is, i cant do the things i want at dads house, i ccant spend time with my friends because im with dad etc.

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      • #18
        Thanks Rockscan.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by arabian View Post
          I believe you would hire a team of psychologists to assess the children and then file an application for temporary full custody (as the father did in the case cited), intervention by way of intensive family therapy?

          Of course the process would be extremely costly. I wonder if there is an accredited Re-integration Centre in your province? You could possibly get information on how to handle your situation from them thus avoiding an expensive trial?
          Arabian, what's the re-integration centre web page for your province so I might find some useful information or something similar for my province, thanks.

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          • #20
            Paco weren't you supposed to have a case conference in March? Did you have it?

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            • #21
              I don't live in B.C. but you can get the name of the one in Penticton B.C. off the case that I had posted and go from there.

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              • #22
                My partner gets a lot of attitude and it wears him down. The last being "why are you interrogating us? So you can go after mom?" When all he wanted to do was have idle chit chat about their lives. And one child is all about staying out of it and enjoying their time with him while the other is a mini-gatekeeper and is constantly stopping any talk or fun. It really sucks. But my mom did the same thing to us and in my early 20's i finally wised up and dont have any relationship with her anymore.

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                • #23
                  Yes, and I told the judge about pas bs, then he ordered not to talk negatively in front of the kids.

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                  • #24
                    rockscan - sounds as though your own family could have used some serious therapy. Perhaps your family would have been good candidates for the "reintegration" therapy?

                    In the case I posted, it was mentioned by more than one clinician, that the mother and boyfriend likely didn't know that their actions were alienating. Therefore a form of behavior modification therapy was recommended.

                    Now it seems that you are continuing on the cycle by having nothing to do with your mother. I am sorry this is happening in your life now. There will come a time someday, perhaps after your mother has died, when you will regret not trying to resolve your issues with her. By not having anything to do with your mother are you not also denying your children the opportunity of spending time with their grandmother?

                    Alienation seems to be a learned behaviour. Sad to see it passed on from one generation to another.

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                    • #25
                      Theres other reasons i dont talk to her but it really bothered me that she manipulated us the way she did. And added to that, my father gave up fighting. I have a great relationship with him now but it doesnt take away from the bulk of my life lost in their battles. Thats the part i stress to my partner. He has to focus on his kids and making sure he is not causing problems.

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                      • #26
                        Same in my case, what happened to my ex's father it's happening to me now, so basically my ex's mother is running the show through her daughter, I believe there is an enmeshed relationship between the two, I started to do some research when I noticed that something is not wright with them, long story to explain here, but the problem is that they'll do the same to my kids too...

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                        • #27
                          (And i have spent a great deal of time in therapy dealing with issues resulting from their separation.)

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                          • #28
                            Yes, alienation it's a learned behavior and it's passed down through generations, like in my case. How to stop it and despite of my warnings OCL still recommended sole custody? The only way I see this to stop is to have equal share time with kids. If the alienating parent gets sole custody pas will not stop.

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                            Last edited by paco; 03-28-2014, 03:45 PM.

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                            • #29
                              So "Paco" I gather you are Lindsay and now the moderator of this forum?

                              I don't see your name on the "Introductions" part but maybe I missed it.

                              Good to know we have another member of the legal world on the forum.

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                              • #30
                                No, I'm not Lindsay, I don't know how that text appeared in my reply, it's been corrected. I actually replied to your comment Arabian.

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