Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Help with Access and School (New to this ...)

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Help with Access and School (New to this ...)

    Hi All,

    I am looking for some feedback on my situation. I am trying to plan my way through this mess and I feel very lost. Help would be greatly appreciated.

    I’d like to know how I should approach access and school catchment.

    Background:
    August:
    • Ex left without warning to another city, taking the children with her.
    • Her initial messages indicated she was “just visiting” but days before the 6 year old was due to be in school, I received divorce papers.
    • The allegations were terrible and untrue. Like they were written from a template, her affidavits basically recited all the ways you can claim domestic abuse against her and the children (even the pet!). She wanted mobility. She wanted sole custody. She wanted a restraining order. She wanted supervised access for me. She had already enrolled the kid in school where was then residing.
    • Ex went to a women’s shelter while away (I assume as some kind of attempt to bolster her case). This triggered Children’s Aid Society to investigate. They interviewed her and the children. Later, they interviewed me in Ottawa. CAS eventually closed their file on our family because they were unable to find any evidence of abuse or maltreatment. Further, they did not recommend any parenting courses or other corrective actions for me.


    September:
    • Emergency hearing before judge. I put up a vigorous defense. I asked for sole custody and for the children to be returned to Ottawa.
    • Fortunately, ex’s claims were meritless and lacked any evidence.
    • Judge ordered the children returned, denied the restraining order, denied the supervised access, granted me 10 days access for each of September and October, and asked for Children’s Lawyer to get involved.
    • Ex was given “temporary care and control” of the children.
    • Ex moved back to Ottawa immediately. Ex moved in, across the city from our family home (25KM one way), with divorced lesbian woman with whom she is suspected of having an intimate relationship (she still claims otherwise).
    • Oldest child went back to her normal school in my neighborhood.
    • I kept the family home near the school to give my kids a familiar, stable base.


    October:
    • Started mediation.
    • Initially agreed to joint custody and an interim access schedule giving me every other weekend (including Sunday night), one night odd week, and two nights even week (for total of 6 nights every two weeks).
    • On my mornings, I drive youngest 25KM to ex’s house then drive 25KM back to get oldest to school then drive 11KM to work.
    • On my nights, ex drives youngest to school and I pick-up both kids there (near my home).
    • On her days, ex is responsible for driving oldest to/from school from her house (with youngest in tow).


    November:
    • Started the regular access schedule.
    • This schedule has been going consistently to the present (with an alteration for Christmas holidays).
    • At end of November, after becoming angry about other unrelated matters, ex suddenly said the schedule was not working. She provided a myriad of reasons why (from inconvenience to her, financial cost to her, exhaustion of children, disruption to children, and psychological damage to youngest child).
    • She claimed youngest doesn’t know where she was when she woke up, was angry, was acting out, and was showing aggression. I haven’t seen these behaviors or effects. They are both well behaved and happy at my home.


    December to Present:
    • Mediation is falling apart because ex is trying to reduce my access below our interim agreement and she is also trying to change the oldest child’s school for next year to be near her new residence (and trying to enroll the youngest in JK there).
    • The 25KM distance between our residences is swamped with traffic. This makes access hand-offs and the kids’ trips to/from school and her home awkward.
    • Things are further complicated by the fact the older girl’s school does not offer full-day JK for the younger girl next year. Half day only. This would mean that ex would potentially have to drive from her house to school three times a day to get the kids to and fro.
    • I’m already losing a lot of time at work because of drop off and pick-up times. I provide sole income.
    • We cannot afford child care. Since ex is not currently working, she takes care of the youngest during the day.
    • Ex is planning to retrain and likely won’t fully enter the work force for another 3-5 years.


    Now that mediation is breaking down, I am worried about what will happen next.

    What should I be doing here?

    What kind of access can I expect from the court given the background I give above? Is 50/50 or even 40/60 realistic? My lawyer doesn’t think so. He thinks a judge won’t assign shared custody but he hasn’t provided clear reasoning.

    Should I be willing to give on the school matter to make a broader deal work? Or is this a bad idea? I certainly don’t think it is good for the kid. I think that driving arrangements, access, and perhaps even support payments can be traded in mediation for school location. My ex seems hell-bent on getting the school in her district.

    I’m worried that I am giving up something important by trading school (and I’m worried I’m doing a disservice to the child), but I fear what will happen otherwise. I also worry that things like driving arrangements, access, and support payments can be backtracked on by my ex in the future whereas switching schools will be very permanent (at least it terms of my ability to influence it).

    What would the court do about the schooling (for both youngest and oldest)?

    Will our inability to come to agreement on these parenting issues cause the court to decide on sole custody instead of joint?

    Should I expect any help from the Children’s Lawyer? Even though it turned out reasonably ok, my experience with CAS was harsh (I was painfully interrogated while my ex basically had tea and cookies with them). Should I be worried that these unfounded abuse allegations will work against me?

    Sorry for all the questions … I’m just very confused and concerned. My lawyer did well in court be he is not providing me with very clear guidance on some of these matters.

    The only court appearance we’ve had was the initial emergency motion. Since then we have been in mediation. We’re trying to work out a deal, but her choice of residence location, attempt to reduce access, and attempt to change schooling have put everything into question.

    Thank you,

    ConcernedDad
Our Divorce Forums
Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
Working...
X