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  • #16
    I think from previous posts of hers they have a 60/40 custody split. So they would both have to agree on committing to activities as they would overlap on each others time. I am wondering how this may hurt him should it end up in front of a Judge. I think sport is very important and would fall under The Best Interest of the Child. Especially if its been a part of the childs life for some time.

    Isnt part of parenting time, taking kids to activities/sports. I get there are some cases where distants is a problem, but doesnt sound like it is in this case.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
      Well if it is on his parenting time he is giving up parenting time. What you’re suggesting is he is withholding her parenting time so the child doesn’t go to the activity? I’m not saying what he is doing is right and I disagree with it 100% but if it’s his parenting time it’s really his choice on what to do. All he’s doing is hurting his daughter but we all know we can’t force someone to be a good parent. Unless it’s in the order that he must have her there, he really isn’t breaking any rules, just being a crappy parent


      From what I understand, because he wasn’t “allowed” to be a part of the hair dye and instagram account decisions (ie what goes on during moms parenting time at her house) he’s reneging on all other decisions including taking the kid to her activity when it falls on his time. It was never a question of what happens on which parents time, its more why does he need to be a jerk to his kids because he wants to punish mom?

      And remember too, he was given the opportunity for 50/50 to increase his time (and probably even out any “lost” time for activities) but he refused it after he had (attempted to extort) demanded it.

      He would be taking kid to the activity. I don’t think taking your kid to something like soccer and being on the sidelines and participating in their excitement over an activity is losing time. Your situation is absolutely losing time but this hasn’t been presented as such. He lives near them and doesn’t have to sacrifice. He could even be involved in the activity as a volunteer if he wanted!

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      • #18
        The dad is threatening that because the mom didn't consult him on minor things such as hairstyle and TV watching, he's going to refuse to bring the child to an activity she enjoys when it happens to fall on his time. Presumably his goal is to manipulate mom into not doing minor things with the child on her time that he disapproves of, because obviously mom doesn't want the child to miss her activity.



        One assumes the dad doesn't want the child to miss the activity either, but he appears willing to do it to get back at the mom. Types like this don't often back down, and he will blame his actions as being necessary because the mom was unreasonable about the minor things.



        Sadly, the mom has to be firm here and call his bluff, even if it requires taking him to court to get the kid to the activity, or this sort of manipulation will happen again and again and only get worse.


        Eventually, the relationship between dad and child will suffer, because when the child gets old enough, she'll remember who enabled her activities, and who stood in the way.

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        • #19
          I would also recommend she keep all the correspondence so when he drives the kid away with his behaviours and then says he’s not paying for school because of the relationship, mom has all the proof of why. Not that he can get away with that but he strikes me as the type to pull financing and claim he’s been dad of the year and he cant understand why the kids don’t speak to him.

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          • #20
            I agree that mom has to call his bluff... Dads being a jerk there is no doubt about that but without a clause in their agreement that he must take the child to said sport he has the option of not taking her. It’s an unfortunate part of divorce.

            Getting a clause in the agreement stating child is to be in said activity is probably the only way to force dads hand. As was stated Dad is only harming his child but he’s hoping mom will back down. Time for mom to set boundaries with Dad and show she won’t be controlled by his unwillingness to coparent


            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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            • #21
              I dont know what sport this is, but by the time she gets an agreement or goes to court over this, either the season could be over, and/or try outs will be done.

              I feel sorry for the child, she is being put in a very tough position.

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              • #22
                She just went through several months of court and mediation to get to this point. Its not going to happen.

                Ange, just call his bluff. Even though it isnt a bluff and he will hurt the kid. Simply tell him he is free to manage the children on his time as he sees fit but he had agreed to the activity when she was registered and the only person he hurts is the child and thats it.

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                • #23
                  I’ll try to answer everyone here. The access split ended up being around 35/65 with slightly more (60/40) for him in the summer. The kids are in a few sports and they all happen on the weekends (weekends are split equally in the month). This means that we both bring them on our parenting time and have both supported these same sports for 4-5 years and beyond if you consider all other activities when they were younger. He has never denied them their sports, even when he doesn’t like what they’ve chosen. There is a well established sports status quo one could argue here and no valid reason to stop bringing them, although there is nothing in the agreement that states he must bring them on his time. Kate, the next session runs 12 weeks with a competitive tryout at the end of it. Unfortunately there is a policy that they can’t miss more than 2 weeks to pass their level. I highly doubt she’d be looked at for competitive either if she’s absent that much. I think I will keep her in it regardless. It won’t be worth the expense I pay, but it will send the message that I support her sports. He truly is an idiot if he thinks it wouldn’t eventually impact his relationship with his kids.
                  Rockscan I have every single correspondence where he threatens he’s not taking them anymore and basically demands for me to comply with his wishes on everything. You are also right though that after a year of litigation I am not only feeling it financially, but just not willing (for my sanity) to go through court again yet. We will see how this goes. I will call his bluff and then decide whether I take action if he makes good on the threats.
                  I also agree that taking your kid to their sport is not “losing” parenting time, although it does sound like Berner’s case may be the exception to the rule. My kids are in local sports that both their father and I live near to. As an aside, he recently denied the kids the chance to come to a funeral for a family friend on his time, during which the kids texted me from his house to ask me how it was going. So ya, this is about him controlling the situation by “hurting” me (which really hurts his kids). He’s not doing it to clear up time in his schedule to be with the kids.
                  Rioe I think you’re totally correct that he’s willing to do this. My daughter will be very vocal about it though so hopefully that will sway him to do the right thing. Right now though he’s selling it to them like it’s mommy’s fault that this is all happening. It’s confusing and awful for my kids right now.
                  Ugh.


                  Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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                  • #24
                    /ignore as they would say on IRC in 1989.

                    None of the concerns raised are material enough for a court to do anything about. With time this nonsense will go away. It could take 2-3 years before they end or until the children reach age 14 or older...

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