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  • Safety concerns

    Can someone please define stalking for me I am not sure if this is appearing as as such, please don't assume im looking for negative this is truly a genuine safety concern(not a threat a concern i am feeling)

    My ex has recently moved a few blocks away from me, he will not give me exact address.
    I have interim prime
    Yes i adhere to eow access order

    I have just learned that he has been waiting down the road in the mornings for our children to walk to school he has been picking them up there n dropping them off at school also he is waiting across the road from school n picking them up after school he drops them off down the road from our house. He has not informed me of this.

    I have also learned he is showing up at swimming lessons unexpected.
    My oldest has received pictures (via texts)from him asking about the xmas decorations in front of our house.

    he emailed me a few weeks back asking me for him to have the children for a week, i agreed to a couple of days plus the weekend, he responded with "unacceptable if you won't let me see the children then i will go another route"
    He texted me 2 days ago "no kids, no money"

    i have been very accomodating to his last minute requests and unscheduled parenting times in the past, and he constantly accuses me of alienating him, he accuses me via email of mental abuse towards the children, child abuse etc.,

    Should I have concerns like I do?

  • #2
    I would be concerned about the texts, being pictures if your home to the kids and threats to you regarding child support.

    I don't know that it's a safety issue for him to be picking up the kids and dropping them off before and after school. Odd? Yes, but nit necessarily a safety issue, but rude that he didn't mention it to you. You should know where your kids are on your time and be confident that they are where they are expected to be. If the kids are ok with it I would leave that part alone. Him moving to your area would be seen as a good thing as he is closer to the kids. Unless otherwise stated in your agreement, he is entitled to be at swimming but it is weird that he's being so covert about it.

    You should be concerned about some of it, mostly the texts and not keeping you informed that he is picking up the kids on your time. The alternative is that you take them to and from school.

    Comment


    • #3
      Also, save the text messages about cs threats. If you're still going through finalizing the order, these will be important. He cant stop cs due to access and he was stupid to put that in writing.

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      • #4
        I have also learned he is showing up at swimming lessons unexpected.
        Your swimming lessons?

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        • #5
          Haha um no my daughter's! I found out he was there after she told me she saw him there i kind of thought he was there as he texted me
          to ask me if I wanted him to pick up our daughter and bring her home from swimming....

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          • #6
            Originally posted by ringettteplayer View Post
            Haha um no my daughter's! I found out he was there after she told me she saw him there i kind of thought he was there as he texted me
            to ask me if I wanted him to pick up our daughter and bring her home from swimming....
            He isn't allowed to attend your daughter's swimming lessons?

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            • #7
              It doesnt bother me that he wants to ve involved, i am finding it bothersome to find out after the fact.

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              • #8
                sounds like he wants more time with his kids instead of EOW. Moving closer etc seems like he will be trying for 50/50 soon.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by ringettteplayer View Post
                  It doesnt bother me that he wants to ve involved, i am finding it bothersome to find out after the fact.
                  He is required to inform you if he is going to be somewhere?

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                  • #10
                    ok then thanks for taking the time to reply

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Yes it sounds to me like he wants more of a relationship with his kids.

                      He made a move to be closer to them (Nothing wrong)
                      He wants to see them learning how to swim. (Nothing wrong)
                      He wants to see them each day even if for a few minutes (Nothing wrong..IMO)
                      He wants a week with his kids. (Nothing wrong)

                      It doesnt bother me that he wants to ve involved, i am finding it bothersome to find out after the fact.
                      Perhaps he's afraid to be told no to parenting time with his kids, (like he was with the week he requested).

                      I agree with SOTS .. looks like he may be seeking 50/50 soon.

                      A lot of father's take off, party, enjoy a kidless life..... then there's us, the one's who fight day and night to see our kids .. We're not in the bar ... we're here on odf spending countless hours trying to figure out how to see our kids more in this twisted system...wondering how the hell it's ever came to begging to see our own children.

                      Like Blink, I agree the covert stuff could be perceived as creepy I suppose ... but the guy wants to see his kids more and is trying to find ways how. Dont make him try to find ways by doing things like denying him a week with them, or being stressed about him watching them learn how to swim. Adhere to the maximum contact principle and help facilitate ways for him to see them more.

                      My $0.02

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                      • #12
                        Not knowing all your details it would be hard to make a judgement whether or not this is creepy or you should be concerned for safety.

                        But that being said is it at all possible you could approach him and ask him what his intentions are.

                        If he wants 50/50 and therefore offset CS etc, and you are heading to court for a final order would it not be in the interests of the children to make an offer.

                        Joint custody, week on and week of parenting. Holiday sharing, offset CS and proportionate Section 7. A clause about school district and mobility.

                        Lots of posts on here which would guide you to the optimum clauses to include. Why go through court. You said you have an interim order so I would assume you are headed to court and having someone else make all the decisions. Would you rather bot be in control of your own childrens life.

                        Taking a positive proactive approach puts you in control not some" old " judge! And likely save heartache and money!

                        My 4 cents worth!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Im with everyone else who says talk to him. Yes its creepy hes showing up but he wants to see his kids. He moved closer. If its in their best interests you should work together. He could be using it as a way to reduce cs but guess what, your kids get to spend more time with their dad!

                          Approach it as "the kids tell me youve been walking them to and from school and going to their swimming lessons. Are you looking to spend more time with them? Perhaps we can work on a schedule where the kids get to spend time with you and its equal time for both of us?" And then see what he says.

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                          • #14
                            The behaviour you describe strikes me as weird (picking up the kids from school and taking pictures of your house without telling you), but not illegal (he isn't barred from seeing the kids, and he's not interfering with you if he's outside your house). Whether it's creepy or not depends a lot on the personality of the ex. Does he have poor social skills, such that he lacks the courage or the ability to talk to you about wanting to see more of the kids? Or is he more the type that does borderline-stalkerish things to get at you?

                            I like the suggestion of being proactive and sending him a note saying "hey, I hear you've been coming to the kids' swimming events and walking them to school. If you'd like to spend more time with the kids, let's work out a schedule where you get more one on one time with them".

                            The "no kids, no money" emails are nonsense and should be ignored.

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                            • #15
                              I believe at one time the poster moved to Alberta he kicked up quite a big fuss (involvement of the RCMP).

                              This "relationship" seems to have some unusual dynamics.

                              Comment

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