Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Holidays

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Holidays

    court order states that we alternate holidays. He is claiming that this would include school holidays such as christmas break and march break, is this true?

  • #2
    Why wouldn't it?

    Comment


    • #3
      because it never has for the past 5 years and now all of a sudden he says it does.

      I would consider a holiday to be Christmas day, New Years Day, Easter Sunday, etc. He's saying he would get half of winter break, half of march break, half of summer break, etc.

      Comment


      • #4
        I believe it's designed around the children's holidays, not your work holidays. IMO, he's right. I can't imagine why you wouldn't be willing to share some of that time with him??

        Comment


        • #5
          It's not that we are not willing to it's that he has sprung it at last minute notice and expects us to split them according to his work schedule. We have plans for family activities and dental appointments on the Monday-Wednesday and offered to give him to him on Wednesday, he's refusing saying he gets him Monday and he will have to miss his dental appointment that we made 3 months ago for braces. His basis for this is that Monday would be his regular access time.

          We have never split them before, over the past 7 years so we had no reason to think we would be this time.

          Comment


          • #6
            If it would be his regular access time he would be right about that too. The appointment should have either been scheduled at a different time or he can take the kidlet to his appointment.

            Ideally it would have been discussed earlier, however what you also need to realize and get out of the habit of doing is thinking you own the child and his time by saying you will 'give' him access on whatever days. Since it's come up now it's an ideal time to have the discussion and set out a plan to deal with all the holiday times in a manner that is fair and equitable to both parents as well as the child.

            Comment


            • #7
              His regular time is Monday at 5pm. The holiday starts Monday morning, so then that would make sense that get him for the first half of the holiday would it not? I have sole custody and the right for all medical decisions . beyond that I have to pay $1100 for the dental work, so I need to take him and have lots of questions to ask. The appointment WAS scheduled during my access time, that's why I made it for a Wednesday. Today, the Saturday before he tells me he is entitled to half of the break and demands he gets the first half.

              Also, I know I don't own him but he seems to think he does. He's not at all willing to negotiate about any of this.

              Comment


              • #8
                You got answers based on the info you posted, which was very little. At the same time, regardless of whether or not you have sole custody, he shouldn't have to negotiate for equal time with his child. The two of you need to sit down and set out a proper schedule, which should have been done long ago in your original agreement.
                Last edited by blinkandimgone; 03-12-2011, 01:04 PM. Reason: the voices told me to...

                Comment


                • #9
                  The original agreement only says ""The parties shall share eqaully, holidays and special occasions. " there is no schedule set out in it. As the holiday begins during my access time I feel I should get the first half of it.

                  Your right it should have been done long ago, but he just today decided that it means he gets half of the break. I have absolutely no problem with that, its just that I want the first half and so does he.

                  What happens if we do not come to an agreement?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    It's called compromise: the process through which neither party gets exactly what they want.

                    But you have to put aside the pettiness and sense of entitlement. Given that you appear to have primary residence, the beginning of MOST holidays or other occurences are going to fall on 'your' time so that arguement just isn't valid.

                    You really need to weigh the value of digging in your heels on this. You need to decide if the long term tension and resentment that will no doubt be created by you refusing to budge on this is really worth it just for you to maintain your sense of power and control over the child's time. You need to be encouraging the relationship between the two of them and limitting dad's time with the child based on what YOU feel you're entitled to is the comlete opposite.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      We are already going back to court, he's trying to get primary residence so long term tension has already been created.

                      I currently have sole custody and primary residence. However the way the access time currently is, it's the other way around as most holidays will begin on his access time. For example we split Christmas, because he had him the 24th on his access time it only made sense he had him Christmas morning and I had the afternoon. It was the fathers idea and I agreed to that, but now, since that idea does not work out in his favour he wants to change things around.

                      I am not willing to budge because of the 2 days notice, the dental appointment and the family vacation that we already have planned for the start of the break.

                      Also how the heck am I limiting his time with his Dad? It is split 50/50, the issue is what DAYS, not how much. We are going away for 2 days, my husband and I have time booked off work, etc. He is not the only one with a work schedule. If I agree to HIS demands, my sons time with us is going to be spent with a babysitter instead of going on family vacation with his Mother, step father and 2 brothers.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by tennyis View Post
                        We are already going back to court, he's trying to get primary residence so long term tension has already been created.

                        Ah yes, the good old 'he started it' reasoning. So practical.

                        I will repeat, your questions are being answered based on the information provided. If you want advice based on the specifics of your situation, then start out by providing the specifics of your situation rather than using them to argue against the advice you recieve on limitted info.

                        The two of you will have to compromise, there isn't ANY other way to deal with the situation.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Unfortunately there is no compromise with the two of us.

                          If I was to provide all of the specifics i'd be here for days, and besides I don't think it's practical.

                          Also, when did I use the "he started it" reasoning? Do you even read before you respond? All I said was tension is already created, fighting over a few days access on March break isn't going to make a bit of a difference, the tension will be there regardless.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by tennyis View Post
                            Unfortunately there is no compromise with the two of us.
                            It's a two way street and one of you has to be the bigger person and initiate it. If not, then you're screwd and can look forward to spending the coming years back and forth to court to sort out all the petty details.

                            If I was to provide all of the specifics i'd be here for days, and besides I don't think it's practical.
                            You were able to provide much more detailed information in your following posts in this thread, which didn't take you days to do. Don't expect people to be able to provide feedback on something you haven't said.

                            Also, when did I use the "he started it" reasoning? Do you even read before you respond? All I said was tension is already created, fighting over a few days access on March break isn't going to make a bit of a difference, the tension will be there regardless.
                            In your post above that I quoted.

                            You claim tension is already there because he now wants primary residence, I will go ahead and assume that you are against this, thus the tension. But you have no qualms expecting him to accept you having primary residence. Interesting how you expect him to be ok with an arrangement you wouldn't be ok with being on the recieving end of.

                            You asked a specific question, I offered my advice/opinion. You aren't obligated to agree or accept it. The great thing about this forum is that it offers people an opportunity to gain perspective from others' advice and experiences, learn from it and potentially make more informed (or enlightened) choices moving forward.

                            Good luck.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by tennyis View Post
                              I am not willing to budge...
                              That's attractive

                              Comment

                              Our Divorce Forums
                              Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                              Working...
                              X