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  • Summer Holidays

    My ex was suppose to have the kids one week in July and one week in August for his summer break with the kids. This year being the odd year was my first choice to chose the weeks. Well ,that didn't work as he never does anything that I ask for. He just makes up his own law...literally.....(visitation, support, you name it) NEVER FOLLOWS HIS SEPARATION AGREEMENT
    Now my kids will be going on August 21-30. (again, I accomodated him) I told him that my older one being 17 has a job that she just got at American Eagle. She's been dying for that job to save up for a car.
    WHen I told him that He might have to drive her to work a couple of times a week he flipped out....saying that he's not going to drive her and " what does she think that I'm her taxi service" I said you'd drive your son to soccer practice 3 times a week but won't drive our older daughter??
    He said for her to stay home by herself and take the bus, I'm not doing anything for her. He's moving August 13th, 45 mins away...his choice..
    I can not leave her at my place alone for 10 days just because she has to work....It's not my responsibility is it? It's his. he never wants to have anything to do with her...It's too much work for him to do and drive.
    I do it all the time so what is the big deal.
    But because it's his 10 days and he can't multitask he won't take care of her.
    I just want to know. Is he responsible for her on his time with the kids (his holidays) she is 17.
    I can't leave her alone here...I won't be in town...I really need to get away.
    Should I leave her here alone...NO...Shouldn't he be responsible for anything to do with her. He has written her off because he thinks she has chosen sides and that is so far from the truth. She is old enough to see the neglect from him towards her and me. Why is he like that...those are all three of his kids...all should be cared for equally....
    Does anyone know the law..isn't he responsible for her care?

    any feed back please
    I want this bull ***t to end

  • #2
    Sadly you can not force a Father?Mother to be an active parent if he/she does not wish, looks like it's back on you.

    Comment


    • #3
      I agree with Today. Not all moms and dads can parent. Morally you are right.....but really what kind of visit will it be anyways? Kids are really, really, really SMART.

      I have sole custody of my children so just count on myself to sort things out. Things are alot easier when I don't have anyone to be accountable too.........but I know what you mean about needing to get away. Luckily I have some terrific family in the area that will relieve me when necessary. Do you have any family or friends that can help you out?

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      • #4
        Since she is 17 as hard as this sounds I would allow her to stay at your home while you are away. If dad is not willing to allow her to fulfill her commitments and her desires you basically have no choice. I would however, have someone check up on her and keep you abreast of what is happening at home.

        A family member or trusted friend. Perhaps even one of her friends parents home to stay at while you are away.

        I would not allow him to continue to control your life.

        Comment


        • #5
          summer holidays

          I HAVE NO ONE to help me. My mother had a stroke in October right after my ex tried to kick the s**t out of my son when he got a little lippy ( I don't blame my son, my ex deserved it). She also lives 45 mins by highway away. It's getting harder for my dad to come and help me when my mom needs him more.
          It just brakes my heart that my ex has written her off just because he was assuming that she's on my side.....Very far from the truth. SHe has asked me from about 3 years of age "mommy, why doesn't nonna like me" (grandma in Italian) My daughter is a scholar at school, dances competitively all her life and now diagnosed with a brain tumor. You'd think that with the success of her and her bad news he'd have a soft spot for her in his heart. NOPE. Never attended any sick kids appointments.
          You see He F***ed up with the first 2 kids being 17 and 15 and now all he does is try to make it up to his 8 year old by buying her things./ He never ever does anything with the three of them together. He would have a panic atack or if his mommy wasn't there to help him.
          I just want closure, justice and move on with my life
          I've raised them for almost 18 years by myself, what's the difference. now. Only thing is that I have an amazing man in my life that lives in Calgary and I am stuck here, because just to spite me, my ex won't let her leave until she is 12 and can speak for herself. The first 2 can decide what they want, and what do you think they would say.....go with mom
          I really hate this
          this is stressig me out so much that it's 2am and I still can't sleep.
          How do men have children (not all men) and want nothing to do with them. Only to look good in the public eye.
          So back to my question....what if I leave her alone????
          Isn't it illigal, she's under 18
          what if something happens to her and I will be out of town
          She gets dizzy spells, sometimes black outs, constant headaches that require someone to be with her as we put her on heavy duty pain meds.
          Isn't he responsible to care for his kids on his holidays with them?

          more advice please

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          • #6
            Can you get Mom and Dad to come together? Even providing the transportation if you need to. It is in the best interest of the family.

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            • #7
              i will be out of the province. I won't be able to help her and won't feel comfortable leaving her here alone in my house

              Comment


              • #8
                Mom and Dad to come and take care of her while your away.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by PhoenixRising View Post
                  Since she is 17 as hard as this sounds I would allow her to stay at your home while you are away. If dad is not willing to allow her to fulfill her commitments and her desires you basically have no choice. I would however, have someone check up on her and keep you abreast of what is happening at home.

                  A family member or trusted friend. Perhaps even one of her friends parents home to stay at while you are away.

                  I would not allow him to continue to control your life.


                  17 is old enough to be left at home alone. I am sure that she has friends who have parents who would be willing to check up on her or even let her stay with them for the time you are gone. Something can happen to her no matter if a parent is with her or not.

                  Or if you are not willing to do that, get the boyfriend to come to you.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by mamoosha View Post
                    ...
                    She gets dizzy spells, sometimes black outs, constant headaches that require someone to be with her as we put her on heavy duty pain meds.
                    Isn't he responsible to care for his kids on his holidays with them?

                    more advice please
                    Your daughter needs you. She cannot be left alone due to her illness and the other parent will not take care of her so that means that you must.

                    You bf can come to visit you.

                    That is my advice.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Thanks for everyone's comments...
                      It all boils down to this. My BF is in Calgary and I thought (if it was sinple) that I would go and spend some time in the mountains to refresh, relax and gather up my energy and thoughts. I really didn't expect for my ex to ALWAYS be so difficult about everything.
                      He got his week of vacation, which I accomodated him but with a million rules.
                      I just wanted a break....some peace, I didn't think it would be this complicated....
                      I love my kids to death and would do anything for them BUT when will I have a life? A life that isn't dictated by my ex.
                      I'm holding it all together and NO...I don't have anyone...
                      I moved 8 times for my ex"s job and it's hard to establish trustworthy friends...no one really cares about my bull***t......That I found out through this separation process. I would do everything for everyone else and when the time came for me to move into my place with my 3 kids...magically all my married friends disappeared. No one offered their husband to give me a hand as I had no help to move in but my kids.
                      No problem, I can do this, but with this emotional stress that my ex keeps on doing to me and the kids is killing me slowly.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Same here with all the BS.

                        I would recommend joining a woman's support group. That is what I am planning on doing. All he is doing is paramount to emotional abuse and that is a sign of an abuser.

                        Mine tells me that everyone is right about me. I would like to know who everyone is? Certainly they are his so called friends he just found some mysteriously in the last 8 months. I have emails to prove that he just found some from him. lmao And one of his long term highschool friends is bi-polar, on and off his meds and a heavy drinker and pot smoker. Nice choice of friends. He also tries to alienate my own family against me, sending emails to my sister and my best friend. Another sign of abuse. I need an intervention alright. The intervention was me leaving him. It was always my fault that I did not get the jobs I applied for. And then he yells and screams at me in front of our child when we do not agree on something.

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                        • #13
                          PhoenixRising....Thank god you understand me.
                          I have been so emotionally abused that I have no self confidence anymore.
                          He used to cut me up on everything. How I look, talked, acted in public. Make fun of me (body parts) I'm 5'4", 120lbs skinny, blonde and I feel like shit, thanks to him.
                          He was Mr. Perfect...but nothing was ever good enough
                          that is why he screwed around on me so many times and made me feel that I was doing something wrong.
                          Why didn't I leave......Because my mother (european) said stay for the kids and honestly...no one knew what he used to be like because I always covered it up to make him look good.
                          He always used to say...without me you are nothing
                          Look at the good life that I have given you ( I used to be an accountant)
                          eventually, you start to believe that you're good for nothing but a mother, so I devoted everything and all my time to my kids. I was driving them to soccer, karate, dance, swimming. He (if he was in town) never even moved off his ass when I needed to keep one of the kids home because it was getting close to bed time. I used to ask him if he would babysit the little one so I can go and drop off or pick up the other two from where ever.
                          So last year in March '08 HE just couldn't take it anymore (what?) and said that he wants to be on his own. This time I got it!!! how can someone be with another person if they truly don't love her. I realized that his love for me ended about 11 years ago when he had his first one night stand.
                          SO ya, add me to the abused wife list....
                          I would love to join a support group...but don't know where to turn to.

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