Please Help

[trinton]

..yeah.. depression is a common thing in this country. you shouldn't be suprised.. the government and the system screw over people all the time.. there are a lot of shady people and crooked lawyers and judges in Canada. lots of fraud and scams and really really nasty weather.

no point trying to help her , I tried that and it got me nowhere, shortly after I was being called the cops on for harrassment and accused of domestic violence in the courts.

get a lawyer, get sole custody, give her supervised access subject to expansion upon therapy.

Don't let her mess up your daughter and your life. Focus on your relationship with your daughter. Your wife said she doesn't want to be with you, don't waste your time and energy.

and Once you're done, tell her "welcome to Canada"

[arabian]

Assuming the poster is not WASP (White Anglo Saxon Protestant), I can see some notable problems:

- poster sponsored his wife to come to Canada
- does she even speak English?
- how does someone get supervised visitation after living together without incident?
- she would most certainly get a free legal aid lawyer who would line her up with a translator and encourage her to have family come and stay for an extended/indefinite visit in the matrimonial home.
- her legal aid lawyer would make sure that she was enrolled in a series of "newcomers" seminars and she will learn, very quickly, what she has to do to protect herself.
- if her husband isn't too much of a prick she may allow him some "supervised" visits with a family member present.

I think this is how things realistically will play out if the poster gets aggressive.

Oh, did I mention, she will get generous free legal aid and they will be sure to not to "stress out" the young mother and therefore not rush for any case conferences...

[trinton]

- does she even speak English?

Not his problem.

- how does someone get supervised visitation after living together without incident?

her mental health state is toxic to the child, she was prescribed edication and she didn't follow the doctor's instructions.

- she would most certainly get a free legal aid lawyer who would line her up with a translator and encourage her to have family come and stay for an extended/indefinite visit in the matrimonial home.

good for her

- her legal aid lawyer would make sure that she was enrolled in a series of "newcomers" seminars and she will learn, very quickly, what she has to do to protect herself.

good for her

- if her husband isn't too much of a prick she may allow him some "supervised" visits with a family member present.

no merit to impose supervised access to dad, supervised access should be imposed to mom given her mental health state and failure to take prescribed medication, and just stopping medication randomly when she feels like it and getting suicidal thoughts

I think this is how things realistically will play out if the poster gets aggressive.

that's why he needs to get a lawyer before the mom ruins his life and his relationship with his daughter

Oh, did I mention, she will get generous free legal aid and they will be sure to not to "stress out" the young mother and therefore not rush for any case conferences...

they don't give a rats ass about mom or stressing out mom, the child is their only concern. If dad get's a good lawyer anyways.

ps. legal aid lawyers are generally low paid and crap.

[stripes]

That's why you get her diagnosed with depression, to provide a medical basis for your "fear", so that you can push the supervised visitation. The idea is that everything was cool until things went wrong, and now that things are wrong you are taking steps to save the kids.

It is like suddenly realizing right after you separate that your husband has "anger issues" and that he shouldn't be around the children. Yes he was fine with the kids before but now you are really really really afraid for the children.

Supervised visitation is like winning family law before you even step into a courtroom. It is possible for the sidelined parent to recover, but it isn't easy.



Wait, I'm confused, are we talking about real world or family law world? In real world, I totally agree with you. In family law world though, while it doesn't make her unfit, it certainly makes dad a more palatable interim custodial parent, which can be stretched into a permanent custodial parent.

That said, if OP wants to lose his kids, lose his home, and pay CS and SS, he is more than welcome to follow your advice.

In the real world, you can't "get her diagnosed with depression". It's not like buying something off eBay. It's a medical diagnosis that's made by professionals on the basis of symptoms presented by the patient, not the husband walking in and saying, "hey, I think my wife's depressed, can you write up a diagnosis for me?".

This is yet another thread which is being derailed into bitter opinions about how women use family law to screw over men, the system is biased against fathers, etc etc, lather rinse repeat. Could we perhaps have a forum called Women Are Bad And Mean To Men And Family Law Just Doesn't Care, where some of our regular posters can hang out and share with each other, clearing out space on some of the more useful threads?

[Janus]

This is yet another thread which is being derailed into bitter opinions about how women use family law to screw over men, the system is biased against fathers

My post was almost entirely non-gendered. If you see it as a gendered post then that is likely your own preconceived notions at play.

I did give an example of a supposedly violent husband, which I probably could have described as a violent spouse instead. I apologize for that indiscretion. The stats do indeed show that women resort to domestic violence just as often as men, and it was improper of me to assume that a violent individual would be male.

[stripes]

^^^ Yes, but it's also comments like this: "Weak, unemployed women are the most powerful people in family law". If this is your experience, flag it as your experience. In my own admittedly limited experience, I've see both unemployed women and very well-off men leveraging their respective conditions to get what they want.

If it's actually objectively true that weak women are the most powerful people in family law ... substantiate it.

(I still maintain that a separate forum for talking about how women screw men over would be useful for some of the regulars, kind of like a time-out corner, though not necessarily Janus who often has interesting ideas and thoughts).

[whyme?]

hmmm...interesting moral/ethical dilemma regarding giving advice to someone who's heart is obviously in the right place. tough call indeed

[trinton]

hmmm...interesting moral/ethical dilemma regarding giving advice to someone who's heart is obviously in the right place. tough call indeed

he came to odf and asked for help on a site where legal advice is given based on personal experiences with the law. he didn't go to the circle of moms forum to discuss his problems.

perhaps he's on the wrong site if his daughter and matrimonial home is not his primary objective from a legal standpoint.

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[stripes]

^^^Just a quick correction: nobody here is giving legal advice, we're offering ideas and opinions ("legal advice" is for people who are professionally qualified to advise like lawyers - who might be upset if they saw anonymous internet posters using the term).

[trinton]

^^^Just a quick correction: nobody here is giving legal advice, we're offering ideas and opinions ("legal advice" is for people who are professionally qualified to advise like lawyers - who might be upset if they saw anonymous internet posters using the term).

yes you are right." legal advice "can only be given and should only be accepted from YOUR lawyer.

but i see the term legal advice used as a slogan of this forum and my interpretation of that is advice based on personal experience. many of us including my self have self represented court appearances with success, spoke to lawyers, have had and presently have really good lawyers , been to court and watched motions, and personally been through highly contested conferences and motions .



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[arabian]

Not his problem.

ps. legal aid lawyers are generally low paid and crap.

Someone being funded by legal aid often have their choice of many lawyers. The thing about going against a spouse with legal aid funding is that they have a bigger war chest than you do and can drag things out much longer.

[trinton]

Someone being funded by legal aid often have their choice of many lawyers. The thing about going against a spouse with legal aid funding is that they have a bigger war chest than you do and can drag things out much longer.

nah. everytime my ex had a legal aid lawyer they did more damage for them than good. where i had a lawyer they were always trumped and sharked.

not many lawyers take legal aid where i am
generally only new lawyers. legal aid rate is much much less than what they would get paid from regular clients. they would have to do 3+ hours of legal work to get paid what one hour of legal work from a regular client would pay.

there is also an alloted fund that runs out and has to be renewed. usually they have to re apply when a matter doesn't settle and is ordered to go to trial.

these "helpless" women/men on legal aid can also be ordered to pay costs if they lose.

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[arabian]

My lawyer (excellent) takes 1 legal aid certificate per year. He sees it as giving something back to the community. He told me this is not unusual.

The re-applying is a minor task of filling out forms at best.

Certainly costs can go either way nowadays.

A fraction of cases in family law go anywhere beyond a case conference or two. Most people find they can't afford their lawyers and are motivated to settle out of court.

[trinton]

My lawyer (excellent) takes 1 legal aid certificate per year. He sees it as giving something back to the community. He told me this is not unusual.

The re-applying is a minor task of filling out forms at best.

Certainly costs can go either way nowadays.

A fraction of cases in family law go anywhere beyond a case conference or two. Most people find they can't afford their lawyers and are motivated to settle out of court.

lawyers like yours are very rare. most lawyers are out right for the mighty buck. the good ones anyways. they don't work or offer their highly appreciated expertise and services for free. not saying they don't care about you. my present lawyer is expensive but he literally bends over backwards for me and my child.

they usually resort to legal aid when they run out of money. and when you've already spoken to all the good lawyers that take legal aid, then they are generally sol.

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