Smoking in house/child's clothing smells of cigarettes

[dad2bandm]

Hey guys.

Is there anything else that I can reasonably do, or expect (am I unreasonable?), in this case?

There are times, that when I pick my daughter up from her Mom's, daughter's coat and/or clothes smell like cigarette smoke. We're not talking like every pickup or anything. But it's been an on-going issue, and frequent enough, that I think it shouldn't be the case.

My daughter, mentions that Mom and her "bf" who she now lives with, smoke in the house, but only "downstairs". Apparently, the basement level of the house, has been the designated "smoking" level, and apparently kids are not allowed down there. But it seems my daughter is down there, as well as "mom's" other kids, and there are toy's downstairs too that my daughter mentions she plays with, so I can't see it being a "kid free" zone, if that's the case.

I'm just going based off comments from daughter, because Mom's responses are varied, when I have asked her why our daughter smells of cigarette smoke, at pickup:

From mom,
- she's a smoker, so the smell will transfer - she can't help that, get over it
- she only smokes outside, and my daughter was outside with her
- they keep the coats in the same closet
- it's not her house, it's her bf's, and I can't dictate what he/she can do in his own house.


I suspect it's the last one, that is the true picture here.

Am I unreasonable here? I'm not a smoker for health reasons, but I'm far from some anti-smoking nazi. I mean I grew up when parents smoked in the house. And I didn't smell like cigarettes when I was a kid. lol.

I don't care if they smoke, or whatnot. I don't even care if they are smoking outside, if the kids are around, since they are outside. But I did let Mom know that I would appreciate it, if there is no smoking in their house around our daughter, or her belongings, since it's a health thing. I figured that would be pretty clear-cut...and at the very least, I've told her, I don't want daughter reeking of cigarettes, when I go pick her up.

Aside from the health issue, it's also embarassing, if I pick my daughter up, and we go somewhere. I've had comments before, about the smell, and I guess then people assume I must be the "smoking Dad". lol.

Just thought I'd ask...it seems there won't be cooperation from Mom on this front.

I do document the times when this happens, but I'm guessing there is nothing I can really do here, if Mom doesn't see eye-to-eye on this.

[blinkandimgone]

Mom's house, mom's choice. It sucks, but isn't illegal. Now if she's smoking in the CAR with the kids, it IS illegal and something could be done about that.

You'd be hard pressed to be able to enforce anything, even if you had it in your seperation agreement or a court order.

[Mess]

Do you think that the CAS should seize the children of married couples who smoke? Basically, if a rule applies to your ex, it should apply to everyone. If a rule says, "no smoking around children" there has to be enforcement and there has to be reprecussions if the rule is broken. If the children are that much at risk, they shouldn't be in that person's custody.

So personally, I don't agree with the above, but others might. The thing is, if you want to have control over what goes on when the child is at the ex's, you must clearly, factually, demonstrate that there is a danger to the child and be willing to follow through.

I would take a different approach. I would say, "Look, you smoke, that's up to you, I would never ask you to quit." Right off the bat you are making your ex less defensive. "I think it's better if (child) isn't around the smoke, but I understand that kids are going to walk into the room or be around you no matter how hard you try." Making the ex less defensive. "As long as you're minimizing it that's all I can ask."

The above is about as much as you can expect without a fight. If you want more, you are going to end up with a bigger fight.

[dad2bandm]

Pretty much what I figured. Yeah, neither of them (her, or the boyfriend) currently have vehicles. Sucks for daughter anyway. Thanks "blink".

[dad2bandm]

Sorry Mess...I just saw your comments now, when I posted. :-) Yeah, agreed. Good points.

[TiredOfTheDrama]

What about suggesting she invest in an air purifiers? If they are only smoking in the basement (where the entire duct work for the house is located & in many cases laundry) maybe it would help filter some of it out?

Honestly though, outside is best. When my oldest was young, I started smoking again around a year after giving birth. I tried to smoking in the bathroom with the fan on in winter months. Within a few days I noticed it stunk in there and was lingering in other areas of the house. I sucked it up and moved it back outside before finally kicking the habit. But that was a choice I made, it wasn't dictated to me.

[arabian]

smoke does rise and it would not be inconceivable that the smoke rises from the basement into the main part of the house. I have friends who go to a casino and while they are in non-smoking area they complain their clothes stink of smoke when they get home.

Garage is a good smoking area alternative, particularly in the winter.

Sorry for your child as kids get ridiculed if they "smell" bad - maybe put that one to your ex. I know parents who wouldn't let kids go to another kid's house if there was any cigarette smoking in the house.

[Unevenplayingground]

smoke does rise and it would not be inconceivable that the smoke rises from the basement into the main part of the house. I have friends who go to a casino and while they are in non-smoking area they complain their clothes stink of smoke when they get home.

Garage is a good smoking area alternative, particularly in the winter.

Sorry for your child as kids get ridiculed if they "smell" bad - maybe put that one to your ex. I know parents who wouldn't let kids go to another kid's house if there was any cigarette smoking in the house.

Have to agree! Why is it so hard to just smoke in the garage, and if you don't have one, out on the front steps? Seems like a really small thing to do for the health of your children. And really after they do have their cigarette outside, they should be shaking off their clothing and washing their hands. 2nd and 3rd hand smoke are actually worse than 1st hand, or so they say.

I also find it weird that you can't smoke in the car with your kids, but you can smoke in your home with them???