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  • #16
    Justin I just so could not agree with you more. I appreciate the bluntness of links17 but frankly some of the things he says are bizarre I also do not mean to offend. I am considering many things but car insurance is linked to the company and and I just do not want to step in that mess now. I may have misspoke in my original post there are 2 company cars and she has the second one not mine.

    I am presently thinking very short term and one day at a time. Tommorrow is the 1 800 got junk guys day. After so many years of marriage it is amazing what you never threw out and should of. Ex has what she wants. She is all over the map presently one minute she will be here to help and split cost next minute no. We will see if she shows up but I am prepared for it if she does not.

    The reality of it is she need to settle down. I suggested she talk to a savvy financial cousin of hers we both respect who can explain that what I am attempting to do is not unreasonable. It is what it is and we will see what happens.

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    • #17
      xxx

      Sorry, double post somehow.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Craigerst View Post
        Present situation is difficult. Trying to move forward and get matrimonial house sold at a difficult time to sell if it does not happen now. You can pretty much eliminate December. I hope to move to new place Feb but do not want to be in a position of owning 2 properties (actually 3) in February when cash flow is tight. I need my ex to cooperate in selling matrimonial home. She is seemingly content to remain camped out in apartment oblivious to financial pressure I am under since she got a bunch of cash when she skiddadled. I will make it through this.

        Nothing I say seems to convince her we need to move forward. Do not want to get lawyer involved but might have to. Looks like I might be picking up all the moving expenses since she is refusing to pay anything. Cannot figure out how she blew 50 k or so in a weeks. 6 maybe 8 weeks? Wtf. First and last months rent fine. She has my company car. I paid for her insurance. She danced on the credit cards for food and gas. She must just be worried that it will be a while before we work out SS and trying to save. That is the only thing I can figure. That or she is crazy and I do not think that. I wish she had more financial sense or I got her more involved in our finances and perhaps she could work through this easier. She is a good woman without unfortunately real world money understanding. Kind of like I must have money I still have cheques.
        Glad to read you are not making your ex out to be a monster (seems quite common on this board). More could be done this way on this board but, hey, who am I to say. So glad to read that not all exes are monsters. Can I make that clear? Kudos to you!

        So she's scared about "stuff"... You seem like a good person. Try and figure out what it is to comfort her so that your situation doesn't get tangled up in court. The difficult part is learning about her FEARS (financial, emotional, etc); along with yours. Something seems to primary scare her though by reading your posts. She doesn't need to be a monster because she's scared (albeit she could be a monster without any semblance of fear!).

        If you want to be reasonable and still respect her as a person / parent through this, it's on your onus to figure that out so that you can end this influx amicably. Trust me, been through this TWICE. You don't want to go there. Someone in some other post suggested figuring out "the golden apples" -- that is what you must do to make her feel secure and you as well.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by Craigerst View Post
          Justin I just so could not agree with you more. I appreciate the bluntness of links17 but frankly some of the things he says are bizarre I also do not mean to offend. I am considering many things but car insurance is linked to the company and and I just do not want to step in that mess now. I may have misspoke in my original post there are 2 company cars and she has the second one not mine.

          I am presently thinking very short term and one day at a time. Tommorrow is the 1 800 got junk guys day. After so many years of marriage it is amazing what you never threw out and should of. Ex has what she wants. She is all over the map presently one minute she will be here to help and split cost next minute no. We will see if she shows up but I am prepared for it if she does not.

          The reality of it is she need to settle down. I suggested she talk to a savvy financial cousin of hers we both respect who can explain that what I am attempting to do is not unreasonable. It is what it is and we will see what happens.
          as a man with a default artist connected to emotion (gasp!) I do applaud you. It seems like you are truly trying to figure out the best way forward with your ex. Something strikes me as your ex is SCARED -- this could be financial, emotional, etc. I cannot implore enough that you need to figure out that "golden apple" so that you two can move on peacefully. If you don't your case can easily end up as HC (high conflict) because neither of you have taken the time to figure out what scares each of you the most for survival. Keep doing what you're doing. Find those golden apples and SETTLE before both of you are financially ruined with legal costs. Again, you seem like a good person. Keep it up but there's work ahead of you.

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          • #20
            I think my wife is suspicious. She is worried I am simply going to retire and not provide her a lifestyle she has become used to. I can live very simply and be content. Recently a very new "flavour" has entered the picture which is actually devastating to me but does change the reality of the situation. My best friend, mentor, and truly the smartest kindest biggest gentleman I know my aged father has taken ill. My father has done very well in life and this of course introduces a whole new thread to the financial aspect of the sitation.

            It is sad and devastating for me to even think this way but it is my reality. This is my fluent and rapidly changing situation. I cannot keep up with how many curves and road blocks I am having as of late. I will say this. I am oh so fortunate my children are adults and my ex and I have no custody issues. My heart goes out to each and every person who has to deal with those sort of problems.

            I must of course put this out of mind and wish for nothing but good health and many more years for my hero. I will continue my struggle as if he is 100% healthy and overcomes his recent roadblock which I hope with all my heart he does.

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            • #21
              The 1800 junk guys were awesome. Ex did not show up to help or split the cost but whatever. It went real smooth. I was up at 5 am organizing and a freind was over at 8 but all was done by 10.

              Next step try to get house listed. Agent finally tracked down ex who promptly told her she was too busy to see her until Wednesday. This is a woman who does not work or have any responsibilities. I hate to sound mean but she is delaying the sale since she is suspicious of me for some reason. She is probably running to her lawyer again. I have made appointment to see mine to find out my options so I can get this present situation moving. Realistically by the time I get carpet installed it will be at least 10 days before it is listed which puts me behind the 8 ball with time of year and date of condo closing. It is what it is. FTW. Did I actually just say that?

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              • #22
                I thought you wanted 6 weeks before moving forward? Now you are wanting your ex to get moving on listing the house?

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                • #23
                  I certainly can see your confusion. I am wanting 6 weeks before talking about my future. 6 weeks to decide what I want to do with my life. I think I mentioned somewhere it is difficult to decide what I want with the rest of my life since my financial future is unclear. If I can clean up some of the financial stuff It will allow me to decide what is best for me long term. Yes, I am trying to have my cake and eat it too.
                  Last edited by Craigerst; 11-02-2014, 07:53 AM. Reason: Spelling

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                  • #24
                    Pretty sure your ex doesn't care about your future. You can't have it both ways. You can't tell her, don't ask me for anything for 6 weeks and then turn around and expect her to list the house right away. Why not just do things right? Evaluate everything, pay her whatever equalization there may be (if anything) but stop playing games, because as an outsider looking in, that seems to be exactly what you are doing.

                    It's none of her business what your future is like or what you decide to do with your life. And I am sure she couldn't care less. You can't stall forever.

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                    • #25
                      I hear you and I appreciate what you are saying. The situation so far as I see it and as I think my wife sees it is what I decide to do with my life definitely effects the future. I have made a appointment with my lawyer for clarification on moving forward with the house issue and I expect to seek further clarification on this issue as well but this is the exact issue I was hoping for more time on. Everything is not black and white. I appreciate your feedback.

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                      • #26
                        Every day seems to bring a little progress. It definitely is a 2 steps forward 1 step back deal. I continue to survive by one step at a time. I truly wish it was as simple as evaluate and pay her. In a perfect world things would go like that. If all assets were cash it would be simple. If corporations were cut and dry evaluations with consideration of ownership staying or leaving it would be simple. If under construction investment properties with expensive assignment charges to sell and possible cannot even sell unless occupied for a year clauses it would be simple. If one property did not have significant sentimental value to both it would be simple. Need I continue ..... I am not attempting to delay anything. You must view the situation from all angles and attempt to maximize the value of the assets- or minimize the loss at liquidation- and satisfy both parties.

                        This separation gig is a complicated business. On top of all of that you throw in cash flow issues caused by one spouse which could possibly effect one investment and even go as far as the viability of the biggest asset. I say again. It is not black and white or cut and dry. This is what I am learning in the short time I became a reluctant player in this job.

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                        • #27
                          Wow. Today was a downer. My attempt to treat it like a business and make a good business decision (from my perspective) failed. It looks like it is coming down to lawyer communicating with lawyer at every step. Maybe I should of known this from beginning. Will I be so lucky that lawyer to lawyer communication works better than let's resolve some issues without those guys? Who knows. If I am a optimist I guess it cannot get any worse. When I try to sit in exs shoes then maybe there was no other way since there is such a deep sense of mistrust.

                          I guess I am handing off the whole problem to God for tonight since the business of separation has become too complicated. I knew that inevitably all the correct documentation and disclosures had to be done. The idea of cleaning up some of the obvious (from my perspective) before that step did not work. The time frame that was needed I think from a financial point of view is now lost.

                          I am pretty much resolved to near financial ruin. I hope to hang on to my most emotional asset. The rest including the income earner may be lost. It really is a situation that is very complicated with too many variables to call. I do know my lawyer costs are about to skyrocket.

                          Just a general vent to try and relax through my fingers. I do not suppose I even asked a question. As always the fingers clicking the keyboard somehow let me hand off my problems into a space that is neutral.

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                          • #28
                            I think you will lose the cottage. I also think you should talk to your family doctor, and discuss anxiety and/or depression medication. I'm in no way making light of your random thoughts, btw = I sincerely think you need help.

                            In no world is your ex not receiving support. The longer you continue to think you can downsize to a cottage and live on wienies, not pay support while downsizing, the more serious your financial obligations grow. For every self-interested concern you have had, your forever non-employed ex has justifiable triplicate concerns. She could probably use some anxiety medication as well.

                            I also don't think you are in financial ruin -change your future plans, re-focus. Every problem has a solution. Let's find it.
                            Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

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                            • #29
                              If I where in your position, I would make an official offer to settle to the ex wife. This offer would include some reasonable spousal support, equitable division of assets and agreements as to the sale of your various property.

                              This offer will probably be refused by the opposing party, but at least it will get the dialogue going.

                              If I'm not mistaken, your anxiety is caused by feeling trapped and unable to go forward. Make an offer to settle which includes what you really care about (your cottage) give and take some issues and this may just work for both of you.

                              Letting the lawyers decide everything could very well lead to your ruin, and it will take years to sort through - you'll feel better once you have a clear idea of your numbers.

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                              • #30
                                I appreciate the feedback as always.
                                Last edited by Craigerst; 11-05-2014, 07:59 PM. Reason: Too long.

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