Access - judges decision

[wrrdmom]

Hi,

Background:
I left my ex with our child going on 6mths now. I have documentation that it was consented and he was fine with me moving away.
During this time he came to visit twice. He refused to see our child on one occassion. He asked for another visit however at that point he was openly angery and due to schedules there were no friends or family around. I asked that we used a supervised center to which he agreed and we have been using everyother week.
I filed for custody, support and access on the advice of a lawyer and duty counsel. In response to this he filed in his area and stated I removed the child without consent, he did not know of our where abouts, and the return of child to his location.
Up until this point I have been advised I need sole custody and supervised access. I'm ok with access supervised by other family members or me with others around. I'm also open to the possibility of unsupervised access when the child is older and the ex showing he can properly care for the child.
In the court papers he has admited to violence in the home, in front of the child. (He left out the part of threating to kill me.) There has also been incidents of the child being hurt and left unattended in his care.
He has no parenting skills (I'm not saying this to be mean, he honestly doesn't. While together I was very encouraging and helpful but he had no interest). He easily looses paitence and becomes frustrated with the child. This has been witnessed by others.
I was able to retain a lawyer, however it wasn't the orginal one I spoke with. At this point the issue of return of child to the ex's area is not an issue. However my lawyer wants me to set up access with overnights unsupervised starting now with the issues of custody and support being dealt with at a later time. I don't feel this is in the best interest of the child and is against what I've been advised of up to this point.

My question:
If I take this to court would a judge rule unsupervised access and/or the possiblity of over night access? The child is coming up on 1yr.

[WorkingDAD]

Hi,

Background:
I left my ex with our child going on 6mths now. I have documentation that it was consented and he was fine with me moving away.
During this time he came to visit twice. He refused to see our child on one occassion. He asked for another visit however at that point he was openly angery and due to schedules there were no friends or family around. I asked that we used a supervised center to which he agreed and we have been using everyother week.
I filed for custody, support and access on the advice of a lawyer and duty counsel. In response to this he filed in his area and stated I removed the child without consent, he did not know of our where abouts, and the return of child to his location.
Up until this point I have been advised I need sole custody and supervised access. I'm ok with access supervised by other family members or me with others around. I'm also open to the possibility of unsupervised access when the child is older and the ex showing he can properly care for the child.
In the court papers he has admited to violence in the home, in front of the child. (He left out the part of threating to kill me.) There has also been incidents of the child being hurt and left unattended in his care.
He has no parenting skills (I'm not saying this to be mean, he honestly doesn't. While together I was very encouraging and helpful but he had no interest). He easily looses paitence and becomes frustrated with the child. This has been witnessed by others.
I was able to retain a lawyer, however it wasn't the orginal one I spoke with. At this point the issue of return of child to the ex's area is not an issue. However my lawyer wants me to set up access with overnights unsupervised starting now with the issues of custody and support being dealt with at a later time. I don't feel this is in the best interest of the child and is against what I've been advised of up to this point.

My question:
If I take this to court would a judge rule unsupervised access and/or the possiblity of over night access? The child is coming up on 1yr.

I do not know guys... When I read such message like "He has no parenting skills", "he do not know how to care about child." I always wanted to ask when mom gave birth does she get automatically thous skills? I rememberer when we got little one home our mom was afraid to bath him and I was the one who did it.. But now when you read her affidavit SHE IS THE MOM and I am STILL HAS TO PROVE THAT I KNOW HOW TO CARE ABOUT CHILD... make me sick

[Mominneed]

wrrdmom, I understand your hesitation to have unsupervised access as well as overnights. I am in somewhat of the same situation and have huge issues with this. Unfortunately, most judges will want to encourage access with both parents even overnights as much as you feel he's not up to it. However, most will do this gradually especially with a child so young. You need to be prepared for a big uphill battle convincing a judge that this is necessary - it could be costly and emotionally draining. The reality is that although you may be able to prolong supervision, it certainly will not last forever.

It's a tough call with the violence and parenting skills but you can ask that a parenting course be taken by your x in the meantime to help both your x as well as the child - may be the only way to keep the child safe.

If you aren't comfortable with your lawyers maybe you can see if there's someone else who could take you. Could be the lawyer is giving you good advice but could be your lawyer doesn't understand.

[TLCRN]

no judge will deny you unsupervised access unless there is written proof, reason why he shouldn't. Is the children's lawyer or an assessment Ordered by the court?

[WorkingDAD]

.................................................. .............................
wrong tread sorry

[wretchedotis]

My ex said alot of the same things about me when we split.
However, I am a perfectly capable parent.

I have no idea of your true situation, but I hope you'll forgive me when I say it sounds to me like you are angry. It sounds to me that you are using excuses as to why you are right and the child should be made a difficult thing for DAD to be involved in.

Like I say - I don't really have a clue.
But Please, take a good hard look at your situation, and maybe recononsider making it so dificult for DAD to see KID. Supervised access? Thats alot of hoopla for a KID to be exposed to. Can you both not be civil enough for a 5 minute access exchange? Or do you insist he must be monitored the entire time he is with CHILD?

Most people love their KID, and wouldn't hurt him/her.

[winterwolf7]

When we first separated my ex also had great difficulty believing I wouldn't take our son and flee the country or something equally insane as soon as I got to see him.

But honestly, all I wanted was to see him. I went from seeing him every day since he was born to him being taken away from me for weeks.

Things do get easier but the trust level at first is very low...