refuse access am i wrong?

[kirakisses]

i know i may not like the responces i get but i need to ask.

I for the 1st time refused to let my daughter go to her fathers for the weekend, she was at his house the past 2 weekends and our order says every other weekend so i don't look at it i have broken the order. I refused to let him take her because he has repeatedly brought multiple women around her for full visits and then she and he both never see these women again. Today i found out that he has a women staying with him until next Friday who he just met yesterday off of the internet. I feel this is not a good situation for my daughter to be in he doesn't even know this women, and i know if he had to go out she would be the one watching her as he has left our daughter with another women while he went out the women he left her with does have a child of her own but does not have custody of him for many reasons. I dont know how this new women is with children or what shes like in anyway and my gut tells me not to put my daughter in a situation where there is a person who will be caring for her that neither i nor her father knows.

I have called my lawyer who delt with our custody and left a message for him to get in contact with me to see if anything can be done.

I also did also offer my ex the choice to take her next weekend but i would pick her up early on sunday for holloween cause its is my years for her on holloween. Am i in the wrong here?

the ex has also refused to take her on his next visit (1st weekend in nov.) cause he wants to go hunting.

[dadtotheend]

A little flexibility around the schedule is in order here. If he misses a weekend, make up time is not unreasonable. Sticking rigidly to a court ordered schedule may not always be best for kids.

How old is your daughter?

On the face of it, and without knowing how old she is, you are infringing on her time with him. If he chooses to expose her to many different women, that may not be ideal. But unless your kid is at a safety risk, then you are overstepping your bounds by denying access. It is also presumptious of you to arbitrarily make that call. You may have primary residence and sole custody even. But making moral judgements and exacting penalty based on his choices about women under the guise of protecting your daughter is wrong.

Again, knowing your kid's age would be helpful.

[blinkandimgone]

As much as it sucks, you can't control what he does or who he has around her unless there is a reasonable amount of proof that she is in danger.

It doesn't sound like an ideal situation and could be somewhat confusing for her but you have to trust him as a parent and that he won't put her in harm's way. If you have reason to believe she is in danger or that he is an unfit parent then you take the proper steps to change your agreement, you can't just withold visitation because you don't like his new girlfriend(s). Sorry

[kirakisses]

my daughter is 2 1/2.

i have put up with him canceling visits for reasons such as hunting, drinking, hes sick, or just doesn't feel like it. we have gone a little off our court order, it says he gets her every other weekend and tuesdays but he doesn't take her during the week cause he lives an hour away. so he gets her earlier then the order say on the weekends to make up for that, and i dont have an issue with that.

i am still going to get in contact with my lawyer because of all these women, he also often threatens me with a lawyer or the police to get his way. i may have over reacted but there has been way to many things in my town alone about people being arrested for murder, assault, ect with people meeting off dating sites. I have expressed all of this to him he simple doesn't care who he exposes our daughter to. just like hes well aware that i am more then willing to do make up visits if its something that cannot be helped, but if it something he plans knowing hes got our daughter then decides just not to take her i will not give him make up time cause he knowingly and willingly made those plans when he was to have her.

I realize my daughter is only 2 and she doesn't know whats going on completely, but i do know what shes like around new people and even her father, she throws huge fits when he picks her up for his visits(screaming, crying, holding on to me with all her little might.) she comes back when i know its just him there completely out of sorts, and even worse when someone else has been there.

i want to try and work all this out without lawyer but he is not willing to change anything he does. or even consider where i am coming from.

[NBDad]

i have put up with him canceling visits for reasons such as hunting, drinking, hes sick, or just doesn't feel like i

That sucks, but all you can do currently is simply document these refusals to take her.

At 2 1/2 it's not cool to be parading random women in and out of her life, however unless the child is in danger, you risk being held in contempt of the order by refusing access.

If you are that concerned about the environment he's providing, there are appropriate means of dealing with that. CAS is one example, but you should also contact your lawyer (as you have done) to advise as to the situation. If it goes on, you may have grounds to request a further modification to the order to implement supervised visits.

What I would do in your shoes is send him AN email. (one) expressing your concerns in a factual, businesslike manner. Send it. If he responds, great. If he flies off the handle or ignores you outright, so be it, you've tried to be reasonable and work with him about your concerns, if he chooses to ignore you or brush them aside, then you ask for costs when you go back to court.

Bottom line is that you CANNOT withhold access unless you believe the child to be in danger, and even then you had better have factual proof to back that up. If you believe that strongly, I suggest a call to your local CAS department to have them look into the matter.

[dadtotheend]

Echo.

Also, transfers between parents are the most stressful times for young children.

I can't count the number of times that I have read on this board how kids are upset/screaming going to and from one parent to the other, only to have one parent jump to the misguided conclusion that the child must not want to be, or fears to be, with the other parent. Please don't make that mistake.

[kirakisses]

thanks for the advice guys

i will keep record of anytime he doesn't take her. and if things keep up the way they are i will possibly take him back to court.

and dadtotheend- i dont mistake it as her not wanting to go or anything like that. its just hard to see her like that but then have her run to my with kisses and hugs when i pick her up.

[blinkandimgone]

If dropoff and pickup are an issue perhaps cansider a neutral dropoff spot like daycare or something where he picks her up directly from there. Then you don't have to worry about the transfer from you to him. Easy.

[kirakisses]

shes not in a daycare or anything so its harder to set it up so its not him to me or me to him

[blinkandimgone]

Daycare was just an example. No family, friends, activities or other places you take her to socialize that he could easily pick her up from without you being there?

[kirakisses]

only family i have here is my parents and they are both at work when he picks her up, and the center i take her to play with other little ones i cant levae her alone or with staff there, and then he only has his parents there for me to pick her up from other then him.

[LostFather]

i know i may not like the responces i get but i need to ask.

I for the 1st time refused to let my daughter go to her fathers for the weekend, she was at his house the past 2 weekends and our order says every other weekend so i don't look at it i have broken the order. I refused to let him take her because he has repeatedly brought multiple women around her for full visits and then she and he both never see these women again. Today i found out that he has a women staying with him until next Friday who he just met yesterday off of the internet. I feel this is not a good situation for my daughter to be in he doesn't even know this women, and i know if he had to go out she would be the one watching her as he has left our daughter with another women while he went out the women he left her with does have a child of her own but does not have custody of him for many reasons. I dont know how this new women is with children or what shes like in anyway and my gut tells me not to put my daughter in a situation where there is a person who will be caring for her that neither i nor her father knows.

I have called my lawyer who delt with our custody and left a message for him to get in contact with me to see if anything can be done.

I also did also offer my ex the choice to take her next weekend but i would pick her up early on sunday for holloween cause its is my years for her on holloween. Am i in the wrong here?

the ex has also refused to take her on his next visit (1st weekend in nov.) cause he wants to go hunting.

To arbitrary deny access based on your feeling is no excuse to deny your child's access to her father and in my opinion, you're using your child as a weapon in order to get back at your ex. And would seem that you're pissed because now you cant control him. If you couldn't when you were together what makes you think you can now? By keeping his child away from him? This is one of the most disgusting behaviors that is very commonly done, I hope that it was not your reason and you did in fact have your child's safety in mind and not your obvious jealousy.

My advise is to move on as quickly as possible and keep your nose out of your ex's business, focus on your own, things will be much better for your child if you do.