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  • need interim custody agreement?

    I presently have "defacto" custody of my children. My ex spouse lives in a different jurisdiction than the children. I need to go away for health care reasons for one month and would like to leave the children in the custody of my parents, however, as we have no agreement (as of yet) on paper, my ex is legally entitled to care for the children in my absence. Can I get a temporary custody agreement until our lawyers hash out the custody agreement so that I can hand the care of the children over to my parents while I am absent. I refuse to hand the children over to their father during my absence because he lives in a different jurisdiction and thus my children would have to be absent from their school. As the "defacto" parent can I apply to the courts for a temporary agreement so that upon my absense I can give care of the children to my parents and I have something on paper to stop him from removing the children??

  • #2
    You seem to be in a tricky position.
    In general I would say that you could apply for an emergency hearing to hear your request to have the children cared for by your parents which would enable them to continue to attend school and generally have little disruption.

    However, in order to take away the father's right to care of the children, even though he is in a different jurisdiction, you would have to prove that he is unfit or that if he were caring for them, that they would be at some risk.

    He could easily state that he'd be willing to drive them to school or offer other options to allow the children to be cared for by him and still attend school etc.

    Void a previous agreement he maintains his full right to his children.
    I see your dilemma, but the courts would be hard pressed to take away a parents right to care for their children if you cannot show just cause.

    It may end up being a case of looking at this from the actual perspective of the children.
    And asking is it worth it.
    Would the emotions of fighting this issue out in court, hoping to win a 50/50 issue, be worth how it will reflect on the children.
    You are obviously going through a difficult time, so to couple that with stresses and all that is associated to going to court be at all reflected on the children? Would they feel that something is wrong, is the dad also good at keeping his head and looking at things from the perspective of the children?
    If not, even though you maintain the same patterns and schedules with them and they only feel it from dad they will wonder what’s up and why is this happening, and why they cannot spent the time with dad? To them they may not comprehend what staying full time with dad for a month means to their little world.

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    • #3
      So, the only reason that you don't want the FATHER of your children to look after them while you go away for a month is because he lives in a different jurisdiction? Sorry, but you're S.O.L!!!

      It is your children's right to have a rich and plentiful relationship with their Father. He is the RIGHT person to be looking after them, while you are away.

      As a grown man and Father, I would assume he would live up to his legal and moral responsibility to ensure that the children attend their regular school.

      I find it a little difficult to believe that the man that you created 3 children with is so horrible that you don't trust him to care for them for the month you are gone.

      There is no way that you will be able to do what you propose if he wants to look after them for that month. Unless there is documented proof (etc) of atrocitites that he has commited against you and your children, he is the rightful person that sould be looking after the children.

      If he is a horrible man, then try a restraining order.

      Comment


      • #4
        Well, I should have clarified, but we in fact live six hours away from the father. I would welcome his caring for the children in my absence if he lived close. He is proposing he remove the children from their school and their other activities while I am gone and put them in a school in his district. This is my dilemma.

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        • #5
          That's a horse of a different colour of course. You will need to apply for an emergency motion in that case and give facts/reasonings for your request, as you are attempting to make as little disruption in the children's lives as possible.

          Best of luck

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          • #6
            Or just have your parents care for them. I would hope that the children are getting some access to their father.

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            • #7
              Indeed a completely different situation.
              I don't understand why dad would say it's ok for the kids to be out of school for a month.
              He lives too far away to allow this type of schedule change.
              I'd offer him some extra access that would not interfere with their school while you were away so that the "children" have the opportunity to be with their other parent, Perhaps the extra time with dad while mom is away will make things easier for them??

              Dad would have to be open and willing to do the extra travel to accommodate this of course.

              Comment


              • #8
                Oh wow...yes, I see that he is acting unreasonably now. I apologize if I was harsh.

                If he is aware of your month long departure and wants to take the kids, I would recommend that you get something on paper regarding where the kids are to stay during your adsence. Otherwise, he might come and pick them up after school and your parents will have no recourse.

                Good luck!

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                • #9
                  Unfortunately the father can be unreasonable at times, much to my dismay. What type of application do I have to make to the courts so that I can ensure he will not remove the children from my parents home?

                  I would just like to make myself clear that in no way am I trying to keep the children away from their father - quite the opposite - as a single full time mom with limited funds I would like to have some time off once in a while! I do not trust him though as he likes to take the law in his own hands and takes the stance that it only applies to him when it is to his benefit. He had every opportunity to have the children at Xmas time - when he made an offhanded remark that they would be just as well of with him as with me, I took that to mean he refused to return them (which he later admitted to) and I told him I would only release them from my care upon him signing a statement from a notary public that he would return them - the notary was willing to take time out of her Xmas day to accomodate him - but he refused to sign anything. He did not have a lawyer at that time. Now he is quick to tell everyone, his lawyer included, that I denied him access to the children.

                  So, I need to get something in writing to state they can stay in my parents custody while I am away. Their father is more than welcome to come and stay in our place of residence to visit, more than welcome to have the children on the weekends, provided he signs SOMETHING stating he will return them etc. I WANT him to have full access to his children. What I don't want is for him to use them as pawns and refuse to return them to me until I cave to the "financial aspects" of our separation.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    You are well within your right to make these requests.
                    I am a parent and a step parent, I know how it feels to try to encourage increased access only to worry about returning times.
                    As well, as a second wife and step parent I also know what it feels like to not be trusted to stick to an agreement without having given prior reason.

                    We have NEVER gone against any order or agreement, but have regularly been "slapped in the face" with written agreements to sign in order to have court ordered access. I say slap in the face as that is how it feels to repeatedly see these forms flipped out before access can take place even though there are rather extensively worded orders and agreements already in place. If they were warranted, perhaps, but they are more of a controlling issue than anything else. For this reason it is upsetting, as we've never given her reason to think we wouldn't abide by all agreements/orders.

                    Have you considered a written agreement?
                    Would he be up for this interim option of visiting at your parents with unlimited “week end” access provided he return the children to your parents? Has he ever come through on these types of threats? Some people say things out of anger and frustration but have zero intention of ever following through. Not a good practice, and I certainly do not make excuses for this type of behaviour as it would make me extremely uneasy as well.
                    Time permitting you could seek an emergency motion to establish physical care of the children for the duration of your absence, provided you can demonstrate that dad has made previous threats of not returning the children and that he would pose a serious risk to the children. I would hope the courts would allow an emergency application to be exactly that, done rather quickly to allow ample time for you to prepare for your own care as well as the care of the children.

                    Comment

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