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Family Law is a Joke

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  • Family Law is a Joke

    My divorce became final last month after three years of separation. I have my kids 50/50 (week on/off) and the arrangment is working well. There was a lot of mud slinging and nonsense during the whole thing with my ex using allegations of child mental and physical, abuse, alcholism, and drug use. I was constantly on the defensive but at the end of the day the courts saw that I was none of those things and "awarded" me my kids 50% of the time.

    Time has passed but my bitterness at the court system has grown as I hear of other parents going through the same shit that I did. The stress on the children, parents, family members and the financial strain is too much. I think many of you will agree that the family courts are designed to drain as much money as possible from families with little to no regard for the outcome.

    In most cases I believe the judges know the decision they are going to make in regards to custody and access very early in the proceedings but they still allow the lawyers and their clients to nit pick and make accusations and untimately drag things out.

    I don't claim to know the ins and outs of the family law system and I know that every case is different but I think the way things are done now needs to be revisited.

    Why can't a standardized approach be used that sets specific deadlines for lawyers and clients to appear for a case conference, another date for division of assets and property, custody and access, and finally support determination. Why are these things taking longer than a year or two to figure out? Why is 50/50 parenting not assumed from the very start of legal proceedings?

    I'm just ranting but our family law system put a lot of strain on my finances and probably my health from stress, when the parenting arrangement was a no brainer from the start. In almost every case there is one party that is the aggressor and the courts spend too much time listening to and catering to these people.

    Like I said, just a rant but I feel really bad for people that are just entering the family law system. If your ex is out to get you, you have a long road ahead.

  • #2
    I totally agree with what you are saying but in reality the problem lies with parents who do not look out for the best interest of the children from the get go.

    In my situation I offered my ex 50/50 right from the start. She refused was looking for money and being greedy.

    So IMO the problem is not actually the court system but the people going to court.

    The courts are setup in a manner that it is up to you to prove what you are asking for. They look out for the best interests of the children and that is all. Unfortunately when unreasonable people fight it costs everyone a lot of money.

    A court has to hear all the allegations and make a decision based on all that crap. I agree if there were stiffer penalties for all the nonsense that goes on it may be easier but it also might not be in the best interest of the children.

    Just my take!!!

    http://www.amazon.ca/Tug-War-Verdict.../dp/1550228706

    Comment


    • #3
      Yes, litigants who are unreasonable are the real problem. The system enables them however.

      Lawyers who don't care if they or their client lie (including misleading statements), clients who lie or mislead, and a system that does not punish such behaviour is a significant problem.

      I also can't help but feel after being in court 3 times that there is bias against men financially and emotionally. Men are presumed to be able to take care of themselves financially and emotionally whereas women who can't are expected to be helped by their former spouse.
      Last edited by billm; 11-14-2013, 12:04 PM.

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      • #4
        I see some specific reasons for some of things you rant about. The length of time, for instance. My belief is that this is purposefully built in to the process in hopes of calmer heads prevailing.

        You also have to remember court is based on the adversarial concept. Wouldn't it be nice for it to be changed to a collabrative process?

        Congrats on your result, and your intestinal fortitude for sticking by your beliefs.

        Hopefully you get a year or two off before the next round at court. One kick at the can doesn't seem to have satisfied my ex. Seems like she's always looking for the next opportunity to go back to court.

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        • #5
          My beef is that the courts are too lenient. The law says one thing but the judges are quick to allow things anyway...things would move much more quickly and efficiently if they just followed their own damned rules!!!!

          Comment


          • #6
            The only way would be if people took a stand and demanded change. In other countries I find people are more vocal and stand up for justice and for one another. Here in Canada, we claim to be too polite, but the fact is, we are too busy with our selfish ways.

            Comment


            • #7
              After going through the process myself I totally agree it takes too long and the purpose is to drain your money. Mediation is the same, a way for someone to make money off you by the hour and not solve the problems.

              I'm not sure about collaboration law, but I would think those two lawyers would towards an agreement and not drag it out. They should have a law that governs the collaboration process, saying lawyers can only charge a flat rate based on your case complexity and not an hourly rate to develop a separation/parenting plan. Just my 2 cents.

              I'm not a lawyer or mediator but from my experiences and knowledge (much like most of the people on here) we could take two strangers going through the process and identify what they agree on, what they don't agree on and write an agreement for them in less than a week.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by FB_ View Post
                I totally agree with what you are saying but in reality the problem lies with parents who do not look out for the best interest of the children from the get go.

                In my situation I offered my ex 50/50 right from the start. She refused was looking for money and being greedy.

                So IMO the problem is not actually the court system but the people going to court.

                The courts are setup in a manner that it is up to you to prove what you are asking for. They look out for the best interests of the children and that is all. Unfortunately when unreasonable people fight it costs everyone a lot of money.

                A court has to hear all the allegations and make a decision based on all that crap. I agree if there were stiffer penalties for all the nonsense that goes on it may be easier but it also might not be in the best interest of the children.

                Just my take!!!

                Tug of War: A Judge's Verdict on Separation, Custody Battles, and the Bitter Realities of Family Court: Harvey Brownstone: 9781550228700: Books - Amazon.ca
                I agree with stiffer penalties in cases where someone has 100% been caught lying; unfortunately it is hard to prove.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by wretchedotis View Post
                  I see some specific reasons for some of things you rant about. The length of time, for instance. My belief is that this is purposefully built in to the process in hopes of calmer heads prevailing.

                  You also have to remember court is based on the adversarial concept. Wouldn't it be nice for it to be changed to a collabrative process?

                  Congrats on your result, and your intestinal fortitude for sticking by your beliefs.

                  Hopefully you get a year or two off before the next round at court. One kick at the can doesn't seem to have satisfied my ex. Seems like she's always looking for the next opportunity to go back to court.
                  Oh, I'm sure i'll be back in court sometime in the next couple of years...in the meantime the status quo is more than established and it gets harder and harder for her to get what she wants.

                  Comment

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